Part two.

On a much, much, much happier note...

... Tyler makes me laugh. Hard. He has the most random personality, he can go from quiet and serious and just randomly make this off-the-wall comment that has tears rolling down my face. A lot of people are not fortunate enough to see that side of him. I love being his wife. Love.it.

... I had one of those "ah-ha" moments realizing that I honestly think the reason the stupid bank fired me was because I was never going to trust God enough to quit. As much as I hated it there and absolutely loathed being a working Mom (hardest thing EVER!), I would have never trusted God enough to quit. I know, that sounds terrible, but I am sure a lot of you can relate to that feeling... thinking you know better. I would have thought there was just no way we could ever survive without my income and wasn't strong enough to risk it all and quit. So here's those fancy bank people laughing thinking that I'm suffering because I don't have them anymore, and here's me laughing because they are soooo wrong. We are not suffering. We are happy and thriving.

... It is such a weird thing being pregnant. First trimester, let's face it, sucks. Puking and my terrible coffee aversion I had ... it was terrible. But now I feel kicks. I feel him moving around. Jaxon lays his head on my belly and {tries} to wrap his hands around me. The sickness is gone, the belly is sticking out there, and it is amazing. I am really trying to enjoy these moments, because I am about 99% sure we're going to be done having kids after this baby boy makes his appearance into this world. So despite the back pain, the RLP (round ligament pain), and having "i'm huge and fat and disgusting" meltdowns... I love these times. I love carrying our second son. It is a miracle.

... I looooove being with Jaxon all day, every day. As overwhelming as it can get at times, I love moments like this:
{watching Barney in the morning}

and like this:
{knocked-out asleep after a fun day at the pool with mommy}

... I love the sunshine. I do not love heat, but I love how sunshine instantly boosts my mood. I love driving down the road with the radio cranked up and windows down just enjoying life. It may be crazy and upside-down, but I have everything I need.

... I think people take advantage of being together with their spouse. Sometimes while I'm sitting at stop lights I look over and see this man and woman sitting there just staring forward. And all I can think is, "hold his hand. Love and remember the small things, even if you are just on your way to the grocery store. At least you're doing it together." I can't wait until the day that Tyler and I can just be together again. I mean, we are right now, because I'm visiting him, but I mean permanently. I think this time away has seriously taught me so much ... I'm learning to love the little things and it's funny how every day since I have been here I have thought about what to wear, and seriously tried to look nice for my husband. He deserves to have a good-looking wife, not someone who is still in PJ's and hasn't showered for a few days when he gets home from a long day at work. Right? Right. I hope I never forget marriage is something to constantly work on and to never get lazy at.

... I love the movie "Pretty Woman". Sometimes when people ask me what my favorite movie is, I can never think of it. So next time, just remind me that my favorite movie is Pretty Woman. I could watch it once a week and never get tired of it. I also like The Notebook, The Holiday, The Proposal, and all of the Bourne movies.

... I was at Target a couple days ago and bought leggings. Aren't you proud of me, sister? I am a little behind (always) on fashion things, that is one thing I wish I would have the motivation to change about myself. I love dressing cute, but I really just don't have that many cute clothes. One day maybe I can give my credit card to my sister and let her buy a new wardrobe for me. Anyways, back to the leggings. A lot of maternity shirts now are really long and they just don't look that cute with shorts or capris. So I thought "hey, maybe I should buy some of those legging things." Later that day when Tyler got home (correction: to the hotel), he said "wow, you look cute!" Score.

... A couple days ago, I went to this really fancy mall a couple miles away from our hotel. Jaxon and I spent... um, 3 hours there... just walking around. People watching. Sitting by the fountain and letting him splash in the water. Walking slow and letting all these rushed people pass me. Sipping on my beloved Starbucks that I can finally drink again without vomiting. And I loved it. I never do things like that... everywhere I go I am always in a hurry. It was so refreshing and relaxing to walk slow and just browse, I had no intention on buying anything (and you'd be proud... I didn't!). You should try it sometime. Just take a moment (or day) and relax. Let life and people pass you by and just enjoy having a slow-paced afternoon.

... I love weddings. And I love that I am the matron of honor in Brian & Angie's wedding. {They have an incredible story, check out their blog!} Their wedding is in October, which means I am going to be... 8 1/2 months pregnant. The really funny thing is that when we were little teenage girls dreaming about our wedding, Angie used to always tell me I would be pregnant in her wedding. She has always been spot on about things like that ... a little freaky, actually. ;) I am so excited for her to be married and experience how much fun it is. I mean, yeah, it's hard work. But it's fun, isn't it?! I love it. And I love her. Cannot wait to see her walking down that aisle.

... Now that I am a SAHM, I am going to try reeeaaallllyyyy hard to: A.) cook more frequently, because my husband loves it when I do. B.) do laundry more frequently, because my husband loves it when I do. C.) Get dressed and 'get ready' every day, even if I am staying home... because my husband loves it when I do. {and so do I! I hate feeling yucky and lazy}. D.) blog and stay in touch with friends. I love it when I do. E.) spend a lot more time with God, and not so much time on facebook. Yes, I am a facebook addict. And I am terrible at devoting specific time with my maker. Because HE loves it when I do, and I do too. So refreshing. F). Find a gym, get a membership, and work out. Because it makes me feel sooo good when I do. And if they have babysitting service, I have no excuse. And... G). Read more. I love to read, just never ever do it.
Those are my goals, hold me to them.

... There's more that I could say, but because I only had two pictures in this post my sister is probably thinking about algebra and other boring things by now, along with the rest of you. I love to blog, I am just not very good at it. But I'll keep trying.

See? No matter how crazy your life is, take a second to reflect on the many good things surrounding you right now. So here's your challenge... write a post about all the good things in your life and the things you love and send it to me. Things are never as bad as they may seem. I promise.

Part one.

I have so much on my mind today, and so much of it is fun things and exciting things... and so much of it is heavy and depressing. So today my posts will be split up between two... part one and part two.

A few weeks ago my Momma and I were chatting about this decision I was trying to make, trying to decide if I could justify finding out the sex of this child with the hubs while I was going to be out in Denver visiting him or wait a few weeks longer and pay nothing (hello, insurance!) and find out alone. Okay, not alone, because a-bazillion people have told me they would love to go with me, but without my husband. You know, not having the whole "holding hands while we look at this amazing creation and miracle full of anticipation finding out whether there is a penis on-board or not." Anyway, my Dad suggested that we should just wait and find out when the baby is born. "Are you kidding me? Do you not know your daughter? I do not do surprises. I hate them." was my reply ... to which my Mom said "isn't that your life right now? A big giant surprise? Not knowing anything about your future at this point?" Ha... thanks for pointing that one out. I said, "yeah, doesn't mean I have to like it NOR would I choose it, if it was up to me."

We decided to find out together because honestly, money is not everything and I really want to cherish every moment I can when I'm with my husband. We found out we are having another BOY !!! There is such a special place in my heart for boys, they love their momma's! I cannot wait to see Jaxon be a big brother, be best friends with his little brother, and to meet this amazing miracle in October.



Life, even though it's completely upside-down right now, is good. Jaxon and I are currently out in Denver visiting Tyler right now, and even though we are living out of a suitcase and our home is a hotel, we are cherishing every moment we get as a family. Each night once Tyler is off work we find something fun to do, even if it's just driving around gawking at the weird people and beautiful mountains, we are together. I love being here with him ... it just makes life feel halfway normal again. Come next Tuesday when I'm boarding the plane to leave, I may have something else to say on this subject.

We got an offer on our house that we are super excited about, and now we are just waiting for the bank to approve the offer and then they will give us a close date that we have to be out of the house by. (it's typically 30-45 days after approval) I am grateful to have my parents and inlaws who have both said they will come out and help this poor pregnant lady pack up a 4-bedroom house. If that tugged at your heart, even just a little, know you are welcome to come join me anytime day or night and help me pack. Cuz seriously, packing 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, a garage, a sub-basement, 2 living rooms, etc ... makes me a little sick to my stomach. Oh, while watching a 16 month old whose life's purpose and goal is to destroy and undo anything I just did. And where am I going to load and move all of these things? That is a really good question. To which I do not have an answer for.

I try not to complain. I really do. And I think I do a decent job of not complaining. But not knowing where we are going to be living in a month or two, being pregnant and not knowing where I am going to give birth to this baby, and feeling so ... alone? It sounds strange, because I'm not alone. My parents, my inlaws, my extended family, my small group & church, my friends, have been nothing but amazing. I know I have a lot of options for where Jaxon and I could live for a few months. But I don't want to be without my husband. But at the same time, I don't want to move 12 hours away from my current home, just to move again weeks after I have a baby.

What would you do? No, seriously. I want to know. Move and unpack, just to move again very shortly after having a c-section... or maybe we won't have to move, if the hubs gets hired directly on after his contract ends. So would you risk it? Or would you move your things to a storage facility and roam from home to home until you have a definite answer as to what direction your husband's job will take you and then go from there? Tyler obviously wants us out here, and I want to be here too, but I don't know. There is too much at stake and being 12 hours from our family and any kind of support system makes me really hesitant.

Regardless I am thankful for a God who continues to show his love and mercy every day. He wraps his arms around me in my down times and comforts me in my alone and scary times. He has poured his love into our lives so many times in the last 6 months, I have lost count. He has proven that he is faithful; never going to leave us or forsake us. He has taught us how to trust and lean on others. And for all of that, I am so thankful.

You deserve an award if you made it through this post. I apologize if you are now depressed after reading this, ha!

As always we appreciate and covet the prayers that are being said for us ... so thank you for that.

Well hello there.

I really do have good intentions for updating this blog more often for my lil readers, but days turn into weeks and then I'm back to square one... starting every post with "sorry I've been so MIA..." blah blah blah.

Tyler left this morning at 8am. To say that it was an emotional departure for the both of us would be the understatement of the year. I have only seen that man cry twice since I've known him in 10 years, but now it's 3 times, and this time it wasn't just little watery eyed tears, it was big big big crocodile tears. He is almost to Denver now and just sent me a text saying "It's snowing. Are you jealous?" to which I replied "Extremely." Pregnant person + cold weather = heaven on earth.

Today has been a roller coaster of a day... cried for hours this morning, then got ready to spend the afternoon with my friend who is getting married. She asked me to come along with her mom & another bridesmaid to look at dresses... heck yes, sign me up for anything wedding related. Not only did she look at some beautiful dresses but she found "THE" dress. It is absolutely gorgeous on her and she smiled like I haven't seen in years when it was on. I love that she's in love. So happy for her. Anyhoo, then I came home to an empty house, and a baby who fell asleep on the way home, so hence the reason for this blog. {sorry if that makes you feel like you're second-best, ha!} So I'm just debating what I should do tonight. Rent a chick-flick on Redbox and pretend my husband is just gone for the evening? Go out for dinner with Jax and roam around Target for a while? Make a big dinner and eat then eat the leftovers for the rest of the week?

Sigh ... life alone is so depressing.

But this makes me happy:

Expedia travel confirmation : Thank you for booking your trip with Expedia

That's right... in 3 "short" weeks we'll be out to see the hubs.

Can.not.wait.

Me + stress = BFF

Let's recap the last 4 months of my life, shall we?

January 21, hubs suddenly loses his job. Laid off the entire department. Huge shock, we never expected it or even saw it coming in any way. I start working gobbs & gobbs of overtime to pay the bills.

Sometime mid-February, hubs and I have an issue brought into our marriage that I have never talked about on here, and have no plans of ever discussing it on here. Sorry folks. Let's just say it was extremely hard and I still struggle with it some days.

Early March, I get a bad case of the flu. Or so I thought. The week after I peed on a stick, only to see 2 lines. Yes, I know this isn't a "sad" thing, but stressful? Absolutely. Life was already crazy, and now finding out that we're going to have "2 under 2", and to have a husband who had been laid off for about 10 weeks at the time just added to our stress level. Would he have a job by the time November rolls around, and where will we be at that time? Only God knows.

Then April rolls around and at this point we are thinking "surely it cannot get worse". April 9 I am called into the back office and am told they are terminating my employment. "Wrongful termination" and "Employment discrimination lawyer" are words that I hear frequently, whenever the subject is brought up by friends or family. Still trying to decide if I should pursue something or let it go... prayers on this subject would be appreciated.

So lets pause for a moment to recap: 2 incomes suddenly turned to 1 (not to mention, lost the 1 that carried us by far). Marriage struggles. Surprise baby #2... 1 income, unemployed for 10 weeks, how will we survive. 1 income suddenly cut to ZERO. No income, lots of bills, toddler and baby on the way to support. No health insurance any longer.

The following week, we decide we have no choice but to sell our house. Our home. Where we brought Jaxon home to, where we have created so many amazing memories in the last 2 years. Where we have poured our time and energy into creating a place that is truly our own. The thought of someone else living here makes my skin crawl.

Middle of April, hubs gets a call about a job. In Denver. 10 hours away. 6 month contract (or longer assuming there is still work at the time). Hubs accepts, lots of paperwork and waiting to follow. Oh yeah, and if you're not good at math... 6 months = November. When I'm due to pop out another child. So in 6 months it's possible he may be out of work, again... the only difference? I will be having a baby and who knows... maybe have no health insurance at that point again.

He will be leaving for Denver sometime in the next week. Jax and I are staying behind as we wait for the house to sell, then depending on what his job situation looks like at that time, will either move out there with him or stay back here... I really have no idea. So now I get to raise Jaxon on my own, take care of our house on my own, sleep alone, eat alone, come home to an empty house. Luckily I have plans to travel and spend time with my family, Tyler's family, and Tyler in Denver. So hopefully there won't be too many "alone" times, because I am not good at being alone. Yes, I have Jaxon, but he isn't the best at carrying on conversation. Although he sure makes me smile and makes my heart sing.

So... what do you think? Enough on our plate at the present moment? We are coveting your prayers and appreciate them. God is working in our lives in ways we cannot even see, but at this point, all we can do is trust. Trust, trust, trust. It's the word of the year for me.

This changes everything. . .

Jaxon will be a big brother in November!

2 under 2 ... here we come! As if life wasn't crazy enough already? :)