Latelys.

Goodness, it's hard to believe the summer is over and we are quickly heading into the colder months.  Daylight Savings Time has rocked ME this year… not so much the boys, but this Mama crashes early every night now, which is annoying since it cuts into my alone time with my hot man.

Summer was a blast and I feel like we did a decent job this year of spending every waking moment outdoors going on bike rides, spending time at the pool, taking the boys to different parks, and of course doing a fair amount of traveling.  Then we blinked, summer was over, and Jaxon was in school.

Tyler's work has slowed down quite a bit recently and he just survived another layoff.  There has been plenty of opportunities for us to simply trust in The Lord and his GOOD and PERFECT timing in our lives.  Last week we were given an anonymous gift that had both of us in tears.  I hate that it took a physical check for me to give over the control and stress, but admittedly it did.  I'm not sure why I continue to waste so much time and energy on worry when He continues to prove himself faithful time and time again.  He really does care about the small details of our lives.

My younger brother plays football for William Jewell College, so most of our Saturdays this fall have been filled with this.  It has been fun seeing my parents so much the last few months as they come to town for his games!

There's not much to say about these two that I haven't already said at least a million times.  My love for them grows by the day, which seems impossible, but it's true.  The more I get to know them, the more I love them.

I have thoroughly enjoyed my time alone with Cohen while Jaxon is in school.  It has been SO GOOD and SO FUN!  He really thrives on one-on-one time… so do I.  :)  Quality time is my favorite!

The way Jaxon spends so much time building Legos amazes me.  His teacher recently pulled me aside and told me after 17 years teaching, she thinks Jaxon is the most creative she has seen.  The details he thinks of, she said, are way beyond a typical 4 year old.  That was so good for my Mama heart to hear.  :)  I think we'll be having a Lego & Batman Christmas around here!

Psalm 74 has been rocking my world lately as David talks about how all of his enemies are getting all of these things, while he suffers.  In the middle of the chapter, he stops and says "…BUT THEN I ENTERED THE THRONE ROOM".  His perspective completely changes, the things that mattered before no longer do.  All that matters is intimacy with Christ.

I've thought about that so much lately as I still try to figure out the crappy sequence of events that seem to have happened to us this year.  Nothing horrible and I realize there's so much that could be worse, but if I'm honest, the unanswered questions still linger in my head.  BUT THEN I ENTERED THE THRONE ROOM.  What if bad things happen to good people because Jesus' ultimate goal is intimacy with us.  Yeah, sure, he wants us to be happy and enjoy life… but at the expense of closeness with Him?  Nope.  In HIM we find contentment… in HIM we find joy.



Just because it makes me giggle.  They are twins.

Church has certainly kept me on my toes lately!  Between multiple Women's fellowship events I've planned, PLUS hosting a big Women's conference at our church, I have been a busy lady.  I love ministry and I am still praying that someday an opportunity will open for me to work for a church.  I am so thankful for our church family and the way they genuinely love and walk beside us.  I'll say it once, I'll say it a thousand times… get plugged in to a church and small group.  Right now.  :)

I ordered my 2014 Erin Condren life planner!

This is news, people.

Pictures to come once it finally arrives… the anticipation MIGHT kill me.

I still can't believe my baby turned 3 a couple weeks ago.

I mean, the youngest person in my house is THREE??  We're officially "out" of the baby stage?!  Tyler actually had the guts to bring up selling the crib recently.  The conversation ended pretty quickly when I didn't respond and gave him a nasty look.

We had a super fun birthday party, "Wreck it Ralph Cohen", when we were in Iowa (pictures coming!), and then celebrated the day-of with a small group of friends.

Gahhh… I still can't wrap my head around this.

Oh Charlie.  She's such a great dog.

I wish she was about 10 years older… 10 years more calm.

But she's a great dog.  So protective and LOYAL to the boys!

Have you ever taken a "spinning" class?  DO IT!  It's a lot of fun… if you like feeling like you're going to die.  :)

I've still been faithfully going to the gym 2-4 times a week… usually closer to 2-3… and have maintained the same weight for 10 months now.  Which, by the way, is the lowest weight I've ever been, even through high school!  I've never been able to wear single-digit sized pair of jeans, and size medium shirts.  I'm not saying this to brag, but to simply encourage you to KEEP GOING!  It's so worth it. 

I love this new way of living, this new lifestyle I lead.  I am not going to the gym to lose weight, I am going to the gym to stay healthy.  To stay confident.  To stay happy.

Fall Mini Sessions are keeping me on my toes as well.  I love my job.

I've had this lightbulb moment in the last couple weeks when I've realized how thankful I am that my parents had 4 kids.  These people are no longer just annoying siblings, but really have become my closest friends.

Especially in the last year, they have poured into mine and Tylers lives in ways that we never would have imagined.  They've taken us under their wings, pursued deep friendships, been intentional in our times together, and have faithfully prayed for us.

Not only our siblings, but our parents as well.  19 people gathered in my Sisters home for Cohen's birthday party and just LOVED on him.

I fully realize not everyone has this kind of relationship with their family or with their siblings, and I don't take it for granted.  Thank you, Jesus, for your abundant blessings.

Iowa is really beautiful.  I still pray we get to call it "home" again someday.

I also recently participated in a Freezer Meals Workshop, through Wildtree!  Have any of you done one?  So far we have REALLY enjoyed every meal that we've made, and the math ended up being about $12 a meal, and most of the time we have leftovers.  It took me 2 hours of prep, but for 11 meals, that was really reasonable!  December is always SO busy that I hope to do another one, to prevent us from eating out.  And, now I'm hungry.

If God hadn’t been there for me,
    I never would have made it.
The minute I said, “I’m slipping, I’m falling,”
    your love, God, took hold and held me fast.
When I was upset and beside myself,
    you calmed me down and cheered me up.

Psalm 94:18-19

I hope you all have enjoyed the beginning of Fall!

I'll be back soon with PARTY pictures…

AND…!

A giveaway for some pretty sweet Christmas cards from my favorite company ever!

Little blessings.

((inspired by my Sister's recent gratitude post))

First and foremost, for grace.  I do not deserve the way I am loved by the Lord and by my boys.  I can go to bed feeling like I've completely failed that day, yet each morning brings consistent reminders of His faithfulness and love for me. 

For one on one time while Jaxon was away for his first sleepover.  I was reminded how easy it was to "just" have one child... ha! 

For peace and quiet, even if it's for a few minutes.  I'll take what I can get these days! 

For early morning snuggles with this boy.  His cheeks are so incredibly soft and kissable, I hope that never goes away. 

For the beautiful days here and there, though few and far between lately!

For my role as Wife and Mom.   

For the realization of how precious life really is.  My Uncle went into full cardiac arrest this week and was put into a medically induced coma for 2 days.  He is now awake, though still intubated, but can respond to yes/no questions and is clearly not a fan of a tube being down his throat.  Between that and the Boston Marathon bombing... life is precious.  

For surprise and unexpected Family Days... and Lego Land.  :)  I am grateful for Tyler's boss who values family and told him to take a day off after being away in Colorado for 10 days.  Our day together was needed and SO enjoyed.  

For beautiful sunrises and the chance to spend a week with a friend who needed me.  It meant being away from my husband for another 7 days, but I'm thankful that I was able to go and be there when I was wanted and needed. 

For the little things... the way Cohen makes a ginormous mess under any table we eat at.  I know it won't be this way forever, and when he's 18 and eats with a fork (hopefully), I will look back and smile.  For now, I just leave an extra tip. 

For the absolutely great memories I was flooded with while driving by my old childhood home.  I am so thankful for every part of my story, it makes me who I am today. 

For coffee shops.  I love how recharged I feel when I leave.

For sunshine and boys toys.  His excitement about life is contagious. 

For another chance at a family day, this time spending it with our close friends.  This was our last "hoorah" with them as they moved away last week.  This transition has been so hard for me, it is the first time I've been "left behind".  When you move 7 times in 6 years, you're always the one leaving, so this is all new to me.  I trust that the Lord will once again prove himself faithful in bringing me another person to share my day to day life with, but for now I am just reminding myself how incredibly blessed I am to have Andrea and the amazing friendship we share.  Now we simply share it from 4 hours apart.

(wiping away my tears)  

For my sexy man husband.  I love this guy, and being away from him so much this month has only amplified my appreciation for him. 

For our church.  I have been swamped with responsibilities here lately, between helping design our new logo and website, photographing the staff, Women's Ministry planning, and so much more... yet I leave every time feeling fulfilled.  Work in the church is hard, and chaotic at times, but so rewarding.

For the unique child he is.  3 hats and a horse... why not!? 

For the way I can still hear him giggling underneath that cart.  It's obviously the best way to ride around Mommy's favorite red store! 

Thank you, Jesus, for my little blessings.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!

  His faithful love endures forever.

Psalm 107:1

Feeling defeated.

Remember that game we used to play as kids when your Mom would pick up a pile of sticks, and whoever had the shortest stick was handed the scrub brush for the toilet?

I feel like I got handed the short stick with the body I've been given.

You're probably rolling your eyes by now, or thinking "oh brother, here we go again".... but it's true.  It's really how I feel.

As much as I know deep down that God loves us EQUAL and the same, I can't help but wish He would have made us look that way.  You know, all different on the inside, but with the same body type.  (I also wish you could hear my semi-sarcasm as I type that...)

And as much as I know deep down that everyone has insecurities and things they don't like about themselves, I can't help but wish mine were less obvious.

About the many ways I hate my body.  How I work out...HARD...6 days out of the week and am soaked from head to toe afterwards.  How I push myself when I so desperately want to quit.  How I do not consume more than 1200 calories a day.  How I watch every thing that goes into my body and track it.  How it's all I can think about some days... and how unfair it is that there's actually some people that don't have to worry about this.

The worst part about it is, I actually hid my feelings of insecurity and shame better when I wasn't working out and trying so hard.  Because then, I at least knew why I was overweight.  I understood it was because I was making unhealthy choices, and knew my body and my tight clothes were a product of those decisions.  But now... now, when I'm working HARD... when it consumes me... when I track every bite I take?  Now is when I should see some payoff.  Now is when I should be feeling success. But I'm not... the scale remains in the same place it did 2 weeks ago.

I feel defeated.

I watch commercials while I'm at the gym advertising weight loss pills.  Weight loss meals.  Weight loss bands.  It feels especially hard when people all around me are doing these things (the cheater way) and finding temporary success.  But yet... they are the ones losing while I stay the same.

And as much defeat as I feel, I have to remind myself that this is a lifestyle change.  Theirs is a temporary and expensive loss.  Mine is hard, really hard, and a lot of times I hate it... but it's the right way.

Maybe it's something with my body... maybe it's something that I need to have checked out... maybe I'm just plateauing.

Maybe the Lord is teaching me perseverance. 

And that is why I will continue on.

As much as I want to quit, as much as I want to pretend to not care, as much as I want to give up...

I will press on toward the goal.

I know I need to surrender these feelings to the foot of the cross.  I know I have to learn to see the beauty in myself, and not in the numbers on the scale.  I know I have to walk in the confidence God has given me, of the person He's made me to be.

And while, deep down, I know these things... I too often find myself forgetting.

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

Galations 6:9

Do not worry.

Sometimes I get jealous of the people who have husbands who work 8am-5pm, no weekends, with a steady income... and most importantly, with a secure company.

My husband and I have never had that 8-5 no weekends job.  When he worked for the aviation world, he worked 10-12 hour shifts, 4-5 days a week.  And now, in the engineering world, his schedule is all over the place.  Sometimes he gets home after I'm in bed and leaves before the boys wake up.  He has also worked about 80% of the weekends since starting, over a year ago.  The very few Saturday mornings he has been off feel like Christmas morning sometimes.

Normally, I'm not one to complain.  His job is great.  He's doing something that he REALLY loves.  It is different each day, and he learns new things a lot.  He comes home happy, and doesn't mind going to work in the mornings.  To me, that is worth the odd & extra hours that his schedule is... because he's doing something that he really loves.

Unfortunately, life always has twists and turns, usually when we're not expecting it.

And that's the hardest part for me.
The unexpected.
The unknowns.
The fear that threatens to swallow me whole.

Which, of course, goes perfectly with my devotional that has been on repeat in my head from a couple days ago...

"Concentrate on keeping in step with me, instead of trying to anticipate my plans for you.  If you trust that my plans are to prosper and not harm you, you can relax and enjoy the present moment."  

{Jesus Calling}

More often than not, I find myself trying to plan, trying to predict, trying to figure it all out... and completely missing the present moment I'm in.  I'm way too caught up in trying to have it all together and planned according to MY wants for our future, that I completely miss the point. 

Our goal each day should be concentrating on HIS heart and HIS desire, and resting...RESTING!... knowing He already has it all worked out anyway. 

My hope, my future... they are rooted in Heaven. Not here.

And yes, I'm totally preaching to myself today.  :)

We can make our plans,
    but the Lord determines our steps.

Proverbs 16:9

Life and Peace.

Trust Me and don't be afraid, for I am your Strength and Song. 

Do not let fear dissipate your energy. Instead invest your energy in trusting Me and singing My Song. The battle for control of your mind is fierce, and years of worry have made you vulnerable to the enemy. Therefore, you need to be vigilant in guarding your thoughts. Do not despise this weakness in yourself, since I am using it to draw you closer to Me. Your constant need for Me creates an intimacy that is well worth all the effort. You are not alone in this struggle for your mind. 

My Spirit living within you is ever ready to help in this striving. 

Ask Him to control your mind; He will bless you with Life and Peace.

{Jesus Calling - Sarah Young}

Letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. 

But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.

Romans 8:6

Goodness.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I worship your holy name

The sun comes up
It's a new day dawning
It's time to sing your song again
Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

You're rich in love and you're slow to anger
Your name is great and your heart is kind
For all your goodness I will keep on singing
10,000 reasons for my heart to find

Bless the Lord, oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I worship your holy name

{10,000 Reasons: Matt Redman}

Tidbits + Giveaway winner.

- The garage sale this past weekend was so.much.fun!  I'm admittedly a total dork when it comes to this and didn't want to leave the sale, even to use the restroom!  I don't know what it is, but it's so interesting to me to see what people are buying... the saying "one man's junk is another man's treasure" is DEFINITELY the case at these sales... ha!  We had a fun time with the family, as usual, and I came home with $350 in my pocket and an (almost) empty trunk, so it was a win-win all around.  Everyone keeps asking if we're going to buy anything fun with the money... yep, gas money to Canada!

- Have you tried the new chocolate chip cookie from ChickFilA?  Oh heavens, they are so so good.  Drive-thru warm delicious cookies are dangerous!

- Jaxon has slept through the night for years now, so last night when he was crying and yelling for me, I was pretty quick to jump off the couch to see what was wrong.  With the sweetest, yet whiniest voice, he said "I want to rock with you, Mommy."  I have no idea where this came from, but I sat and rocked and sang my boy to sleep.  I remember the last time I rocked him as a baby like it was yesterday... it was the night before Mother's Day 2 years ago. A little strange that it's within days of Mother's Day again that he asked, but I loved it.  Soaked it in.  

- I am on the hunt for a super cute maxi dress for summer... it seems like an essential part of a wardrobe.  I ordered one yesterday from AE, so we'll see how it looks once it gets here.

- A couple days ago our music pastor from Waco posted a picture of a HUGE...HUGE snake that he said his wife found while out on her run in their neighborhood.  He posted the street corner it was found at, and I looked it up on the map only to find it was 2 BLOCKS from our old house.  I don't know if I've ever shared, but I don't go a day without fearing snakes.  Aside from losing my family, I would confidently say they are my biggest fear.

- Our lease is up in 5 days, and we still haven't heard from our landlord about signing another lease.  I assume this means we're on a month-to-month basis until we do sign another one, but it's so strange that we haven't heard from them.  I mean, not really, since we haven't heard from them in over 6 months, but it still feels strange to me.  I am really trying hard to be happy and content here... but seriously, I can't wait to own again some day.

- I am adding "attend a Whatever craft weekend" to my bucket list.  Anyone else want to go with me?  For real.

- I'm still itching to hit the pavement and start running again, but am SO hesitant because of my knees.  My Dad, who also has major knee issues, has started running and plans to run a marathon with my Sister this fall, so that has inspired me to try try try again.  I just need to get my jogging stroller fixed!

- I've heard 2 different people testify about provision this past week, and am so thankful to serve a God who promises to provide for our every need.  I love hearing testimonies like these.  So encouraging!

- I am getting excited about summer with the beautiful weather we've had this past week.  As much as I dislike the heat and humidity, being outdoors with my boys just screams fun.  I want to have lots of BBQ's with friends, travels out of the city, tons of time in the water, and multiple campfires.  Who's in?

- One last random thing.... Starbucks has HAPPY HOUR from 3-5 each day until May 15, half price frappucino's!  I would be lying if I said I haven't gone already... twice.  :)

- The winner of the printable invitation design from Life Well Lived is KARI!  Congrats, friend... Send me an email and I'll get you more info!  

Faith.

I was looking for a spice today in my cupboard when I came across some mustard seeds.  Tiny tiny tiny little things... and I remembered the scripture in Matthew when Jesus used a mustard seed parable to provide a picture of faith.

“I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, 

you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. 

Nothing would be impossible.”

(Matthew 17:20)

Most of us have probably heard the old example about having faith in a chair.  Saying that you trust the chair to support you while you sit is nothing more than words until that faith is exercised.  It's when you actually sit and rest in it that faith is proven.

I was just thinking that as we journey through life, we can see faith do the same things that seeds do.  They grow into something much bigger than when they started and our faith, or trust in God, will grow as well as we witness the amazing things He does in our lives. 

Hope your Tuesday is going great.  

I had a great visit with a close friend, 

a skype date with my Sister, 

have finished my laundry that was WAY overdue, 

and now I have a coffee in hand ready to finish out the day... 

and let's not forget about the Parenthood season finale tonight.  

Anybody else having a great day? 

Lent.

"God, our Father, you created us from the dust of the Earth. Grant that these ashes may be for us a sign of penitence and a symbol of mortality."

Ash Wednesday Liturgy 

For me, Lent is a season of preparation, much like the Advent season before Christmas. It's a time of reflection, a time for prayer. 

Not everyone gives something up. It's not "required" by any means. But the intention is to enter in to the struggle with Christ, to walk the journey to the cross with Him, and to use the time and energy you spent on something else and focus it on prayer, worship, and study. We sacrifice something we love in order to think about the sacrifice that was made for us. 

I've been praying about what to give up.  My first thought was social media... Facebook and Twitter.  I wouldn't consider myself a full-fledged addict of either, but both of those things consume more of my time than I'd like to admit.  I thought about giving up caffeine, mostly coffee.  But honestly, I think that would just make me grumpy and defeat the purpose.  I don't want those around me to suffer just because I'm making a sacrifice... ha!

I am praying about it throughout the day that the Lord would make it clear what He wants me to give up for the next 40 days. (yes, I know, I'm a day behind...)  And honestly? I'm excited about it.  I can't wait to see what happens as I focus more on HIM and less on the world around me.  Our small group is also going to be doing the Daniel Fast the last week of the Lent season, and I'm both excited and scared for that as well... mostly excited to see how we grow as a group and individually as well. 

Also in Lent, some choose to "add" something and I love this idea.  Each day over the next 40 days, I am going to either write someone an encouraging note, or list out things I'm grateful for.  I am working on my list of 1,000 things I'm thankful for (Ann Voskamp style) and this will help me get closer to completing this.

What is Lent about for you? 
Do you give anything up?

Insecurity.

Many of you already know that I love music.  Any kind of music actually, but specifically the worship genre.  Growing up in a musically talented home probably contributed a lot to this... being involved in every kind of choir, worship team, and band that I could find most likely did as well.  My Dad was a worship leader in our church growing up, and I was proud to follow in his footsteps.  I lead worship for our youth group (and for our church congregation from time to time) for 2 years before graduating, then my plan was to attend Mid America Nazarene University and get my degree in music ministry.  I'd graduate 4 years later with a great, high-paying degree (ha!), debt free of course (double ha!), lead worship in a church, and live happily ever after.

Except, that didn't happen.  Less than a month before I was scheduled to leave Iowa and go to MNU and room with my best friend, I attended a worship conference in Colorado Springs called Desperation.  While we were there, I could not ignore the Lord's voice and signs clearly leading me to New Life School of Worship.  Putting all of my previous plans aside, taking a huge risk, not knowing a soul in Colorado... I decided to go.  

I loved...LOVED...my time there.  I learned SO much from some of the best worship leaders in our country.  I lead worship by myself once a week in the prayer center, and made some amazing friendships along the way.  One of my professors (who was also the worship Pastor), took me under his wing.  He encouraged me in my abilities and spoke some truth into my life that I too often forget. 

All of this to say, Monday night I am leading worship for our small group.  A group of 7 couples who Tyler and I love like a second family.  People we've journeyed along for the past couple years... who have been with us in our ups and downs and anywhere in-between.  These people are some of our greatest friends.

But, here's the truth.

I am scared ...to ... death to lead worship for them next week.

You see, normally my role is one of a supporter.  Our worship Pastor {who is also a close friend of ours and also apart of our small group} is great, and I love serving on Sunday mornings alongside him.  Did you catch that?  Alongside him... leading worship by myself is terrifying to me.

I told a friend recently that I keep coming up with every excuse in the book to not lead.  Maybe I'll conveniently catch the flu next Monday... or maybe I'll just be honest and explain that I'm not comfortable doing it by myself.

Of course, just as I'm starting to make those things a reality, the Lord reminds me that I can do this.  I have the training, I have the experience... AND He will equip me for whatever I need. 

You see, my voice is not perfect... in fact, it's far from it.  Out of all the students and the major talent at School of Worship, I was definitely far from being the best.  I have a horrible excuse for a good vocal range.  I am extremely self conscious... I am insecure in my voice.  But I will tell you, my heart is in it.  I love to lead worship, NOT because of the spotlight or the attention, but because I love to worship.  I love the art in leading worship.  I love to try and create an atmosphere where people can let go and just spend time with Jesus.  Most of all -- I love how it has NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with Him. 

So no... I'm not the best. Far from it. 

But, I am trusting in Him to take my best and give me everything else I need.  

I believe that I will be blessed for my efforts.

I am hopeful that it will be a deep and meaningful time.

And I'm praying for the hearts of those friends who will be there with me.

What about you?  If you're comfortable sharing, what is something that you're afraid (or even terrified) of doing, yet you clearly feel called to?  Even if means leaving an "anonymous" comment, I'd love to hear from you.  Maybe just saying it out loud will give you the boost you need to get it done.

I love sharing my journey with you guys.  Thanks for reading. 

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. 

Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you and help you. 

I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

Tragedy.

Two years ago today, Haiti was hit with a catastrophic earthquake.

I didn't go overseas to help, I didn't spend countless hours volunteering and giving.  I've been thinking about it a lot this week, and how I'm thankful for the people who DID give of their time, energy, and who made a lot of sacrifices to stand in the gap.

But, something I did do was ache along side them... and I prayed.  I remember my heavy heart.  As a new Mom, I tried to put myself in their shoes and imagine what it would be like to lose loved ones, to lose everything you once knew.

Sometimes it takes a tragedy to put things into perspective, and today is one of those days for me. In the midst of tragedy, in the middle of a trial... we may lose everything in this world, but we will never lose what really matters, our relationship with our creator.

I find myself going through these materialistic phases, where I want,want,want and after I get one thing, my mind jumps to the other.  It takes a heart transformation for me to realize what's really important.

source

Anyone else thinking about Haiti today?