So happy.

We're home.

Doctor released us to go home at about 7pm last night. Jaxon has been without a fever for 36 hours now and is getting back to his normal 2-year-old tendencies. I never thought I would be so happy to see him being so naughty, ha! Him being naughty just means he's getting back to his old self. :)

The power of prayer is a strong strong thing. We serve an amazing God who still performs miracles today.

I am so thankful for all of my friends, "e-friends", and our amazing family. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Merry Christmas from the HEALTHY Keith family!!

Unexpected.

Sunday was the same kind of Sunday we've had for a while now. A great church service, a Sunday afternoon nap, and a wonderful group of friends at Life Group to close out the day. Towards the end of group, Jaxon was getting a little "needy" and wanted to be held. I didn't think anything of it, being it was 7:00 and getting close to his bed time. We got home, said our "na-nights" to him, and he fell sleep.

15 hours later, he was still sleeping. If you have a baby or child, you know how unheard of this is. He's a fairly early riser each morning, so when I woke up at 9:30 {yes, my husband kindly let me sleep in} I was shocked to see him still asleep when I looked at the monitor. At 10:45 I had enough and went in to his room to wake him up. Right away I could tell something was wrong, he did not want to drink anything and was very shaky. He felt warm to me, so I knew he was fighting some kind of bug. He sat around all morning in our laps and around noon, all the sudden he became hot to the touch. I took his temperature .... 105.5. When I told Tyler, he said "alright, lets go. I have no idea where we're going, to the ER or to the doctor, but we need to go somewhere." Our doctor saw us right away after arriving and it all began. A handful of tests, finger pricks, blood draws, all inconclusive. Despite not drinking anything all day, his electrolyte levels were actually decent, so we were able to go home.

As you can imagine, Monday night I did not get much rest. The constant worrying about him through the night and then going in to wake him every 4 hours to give Tylenol, PLUS having a newborn ... yeah. Tuesday morning we headed back to the doctor. Jax still was not any better and was still running a high fever - between 104 and 105 each time we checked. After more tests, more pokes, and more draws... the doctor admitted us to the childrens wing in the hospital. One of those memories that will forever be engraved in my brain, my helpless and extremely lethargic child in my arms as we walked into our room. Oh, and lets not even talk about having to strap his entire body down in order to get an IV put in. Worst.experience.ever.

Since then, they have found out that the infection started as pneumonia. What they can't figure out is why his fever is so high, why his fever won't drop, and why he's not responding {fighting} off the infection with the antibiotics. They've changed his meds a few times and are about to do it again in the next hour or two. Every test they run comes back negative, and it's just a mystery what kind of infection his poor little body is fighting. The doctor even told me yesterday that it's very possible we will leave here never knowing what it was he has/had.

We're exhausted. "Rest" at a hospital is a complete joke. I know it's their job, but with the nurses and aids coming in every 45 minutes to get vitals destroys any chance of Jaxon getting a good nights rest. I have stayed overnight with him, sleeping by his side either in his bed or in the recliner... and oh yeah, did you forget about Cohen who needs his mommy to nurse every 4 hours? Ahhh.... :)

This is not the Christmas we wanted or imagined. At this very moment, we should be just a few hours away from my parents house in Missouri. We should be just days away from being with Tyler's family in Iowa. But instead, we're in a hospital. We are not sure at this point if we'll be going home at all.

Believe it or not, I am handling this better than I thought I would. Don't get me wrong, I've had my moments of sheer panic and misery as I sob in my husbands arms, but overall I am okay. I want to kick and scream and say a million times over again "It's not fair!" ... and it's not. But for whatever reason, this is the way it is. My poor child is sick. I am his mommy and can't kiss it all better. Pure heartbreak.

I am so ready for 2010 to be over. Hands down, this has been the hardest year of my life.

My friend stopped by yesterday, and as she was driving over, she said that God gave her this word to give to me... "Emmanuel", which means "God with us". As soon as she told me that, I had hot tears rolling down my face. What a perfect reminder, that no matter where we spend Christmas, no matter what worries we have, no matter what circumstances we're under, no matter what we're facing... God with us. Right here, in this hospital room.

Thank you to everyone who has sent a text, email, facebook message, and a word of hope to us during this week we've had. We are hopeful to be out of here soon... very soon. Praise the good Lord he's been without a fever since 5pm last night. We want out of here, but the doctor isn't so sure. And that's okay. I don't want to leave too early, only to end up right back where we started.

Even though this isn't the Christmas I wanted or asked for, I am certain of one thing. No matter where we are come Saturday, we are together. My son is alive. My little guy is smiling as if there's not a care in the world. I have my husbands hand to hold. And I have my Savior to praise and celebrate.

Praying you and your family have a very Merry Christmas. I'll update again when I can.

Blah.

I feel like my blog clearly reflects my mood, but not always in a direct way. Some weeks I'm posting daily and feel like I can explode full of topics to blog about. Then there's this week when I'm just "blah"... in a funk, emotionally, and also in the blog world.

This week though, there's a reason for it. 2 sick boys. And 2 sick boys = no sleep for mama. Jaxon has bronchiolitis, which is basically just bronchitis for babies. His cough rattles his chest and makes me want to cry. The thick green snot constantly pouring out of his nose and the tugging at his ears and whining ... oy vey... my poor mr man.

And Cohen? Well, we're not sure what he has. It started on Sunday when he started vomiting constantly. He's always been some-what of a "spitter-upper" {how's that for a scientific term?}- but never projectile vomits like he has been. All the sudden he started doing this after nursing and for hours even after he ate, making me wonder if there was literally anything left in his tummy. Then he'd seem hungry again, only to start the process all over. Caution: I'm about to talk about poop, for all you non-mommy's. The other symptom he had was foamy poop. Weirdest thing I've ever seen, but it literally looked like foam. Monday came and went, same thing. Tuesday I had enough and took him to the doctor... they are not sure if it's just an intestinal infection or if he could have a knot at the top of his stomach. There's an official term for it, but I can't remember it for the life of me. Basically it prevents food from going in his stomach correctly, and therefore causes the baby to have issues digesting it. The doctor put him on a med, hoping it's the intestinal infection... but if he's not better by Monday we'll be doing an ultrasound on his little bitty tummy to see if there's a blockage of some sort. At this point I don't want to think about what we'd do if there is something wrong, but I can only assume surgery of some kind.

As I was at the doctors office, I looked down to see this on my pants:

Yep, that's poop. I will admit I usually wear my jeans 2-3 times before washing them {assuming they're not dirty!} but I had no idea that was on my pants. Obviously sleep deprived... and the sad thing is, it could have been from either boy. Who knows.

On a happy note, we leave in exactly one week to head home to the Midwest for Christmas. Can't wait to pull into my Mom's driveway, hand her my boys, and go take a nap. Ha!

Appreciate your thoughts & prayers for my little guys, and for their Mama, who is so so so tired.

The Digital Story of the Nativity.

Stealing this from my friend Angie ...

So funny!

Family pictures.

I was so happy to get a recommendation from my friend Susan for a photographer in town that is just starting out, whose prices were very reasonable and something we could actually afford.

Here's a few of my fav's...

I think she did a great job capturing our family ... I just wish I would have waited a little longer to have family pics taken... 5 weeks after having a baby is not typically your best look. Oh well!

There's a few others that I like but I can't post because I'm a crazy type-A and I want it to be a surprise on our Christmas card!

Overall I'm happy with them and glad to have pics of the 4 of us to put on our wall... I think poor Cohen was developing a complex seeing pics of Jaxon and just the 3 of us everywhere. Ha!

Saturday afternoon.

How to bake cookies with an almost 2 year old.

#1. Pray for patience.

#2. Recruit your helper.

Bonus points if he's amazingly adorable.

#3. Gather all your ingredients.

#4. Explain rules.

Starting with "don't stick your hand in the mixer"

and remembering the most important one: have fun with Mommy.

#5. Mix ingredients in mixer.

Watch carefully as your helper "ooooh's" and "ahhhh's".

#6. Beware of sneak thieves.

#7. Take a break when you need one.

Play your guitar if you have one... just don't forget to dance along.

#8. Recruit other cute helpers.

It's okay if they're too young to participate, they still make great teammates.

#9. Bake cookies.

Put on your listening ears as your toddler explains to you that the oven is hot,

do not touch it Mommy.

#10. Remove foil from kisses.

Take advantage of the opportunity for a counting lesson.

Again on high alert for taste testers.

#11. Allow your helper to make sure the kisses are edible before placing them on the cookie.

#12. Enjoy the delicious cookies and the memories you just made.

Note: I am not usually a big "peanut butter kiss" cookie fan, but this recipe is incredible!

Try it out... just don't forget to recruit your helper. And rule #1.

Incredible.

{credit here}

Trusting.

This year has been full of up and downs. If you know me in real life, or even if you've regularly followed my blog, you know that. Re-reading our Christmas letter from last year, it was all frilly and perfect. "Tyler still enjoys his job..." - "Megan is still working at..." - "Jaxon is 10 months old and is the light of our lives..." - etc. Oh me oh my... how times have changed. And it didn't take long... a month after Christmas our lives were flipped upside down and we had to learn to trust. To really trust. To let go, and believe, even when every circumstance in our lives told us not to.

As much as I want to say we've completely learned the concept of letting go and trusting, it would be a lie. I want to say we have it all under control. But we don't. I still worry, I still fret. I hate that I do. I wish it was easier to trust in His provision.

Even today, I am on the verge of tears as Christmas approaches and I want so much for my boys, but can't give it all to them. I want so many more gifts to be under the tree from us {their parents}, but they won't be there. I want to drive home to the Midwest and not worry about gas money or our car breaking down on the way there. I want to give and give and give so much to my parents and inlaws, because they deserve it. I want to go to the grocery store and not have to cut coupons and buy off-brands. I want to be current on our mortgage in Kansas City, not months behind. I want to pay off all these medical bills that keep showing up each day from having a baby, and not have to make payments. I want to go back to our Christmas last year, when all seemed perfect, and continue those traditions we wanted so badly to have and continue each year... but instead we're striving to be content with what we have now and where we are.

Did you notice every sentence of the above paragraph started with "I want"? Yep, I want all those things. But I don't need any of it.

If I have a "come-to-Jesus" meeting with myself, I realize we're in this position financially because of sacrifices we've made. We've made these sacrifices for our boys, so that I'm able to stay home with them. It's what I've always wanted, but I truly believe it's whats best for our family right now. We've gone from 2 incomes and 1 baby to 1 income and 2 babies... but wouldn't change it for the world.

Money problems are for the birds. I hate the stress it brings, not only to yourself, but to your marriage. The extra pressure it adds to my husbands shoulders as he worries about being able to provide for us. Every time another bill shows up on my door step I always jump to the conclusion that it's my fault because I stay home and it literally makes me want to give up this SAHM gig and sign up for the first job I find on Craigslist. Or take up a fancy craft and sell it online. Or sign up for Avon. {just kidding about that last one.}

I am so thankful for a God that has provided for us faithfully this year and won't leave us now. Even when we both were jobless and had no idea what we were going to do, the bills were still paid. The heat was still on. There was still food on our table. People kept telling me that they admired how strong I was through it all, but I didn't feel strong. I felt weak. They kept telling me that they admired how I was able to trust God through it all. But really, what other option did I have? I could trust, or I could not trust. Take your pick, Megan.

So this Christmas, once again, I am choosing to trust. Trusting that, once again, He will provide for all of our needs. Not our wants, but our needs. And while I am bummed that Christmas won't be as fancy as I would want it to be for my boys, I am trusting that they'll remember this Christmas being filled with love.

And my God will meet all your needs according

to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

~Philippians 4:19

Na-night.

It was the day my baby turned into a big boy.

I remember sitting in the nursery before Jaxon arrived, just staring at his crib. We spent months upon months before his arrival getting his room put together and imagined the first time we'd lay him in his crib. I'll never forget how itty-bitty he looked as we laid him down, just hours after getting home from the hospital. Unfortunately I don't have a picture of the first time he was in his crib, although I know we do have it on video.

{march 2009}

{august 2009, in his old room...sniff sniff}

{october 2009 - 8 months old}

I love this crib. We got it for a steal on Craigslist. I love the design, the color, and most of all... the sentimental meaning behind it. It's where my baby sleeps at night. Where he's safe each night. Where he sleeps and dreams.

Until now.

My parents came for Thanksgiving and brought with them a big boy bed, given to them by my Grandma Nancy. {thanks again!} The day after they left, Tyler and I spent a few hours in the boys room re-arranging the furniture trying to figure out how to fit an extra bed AND dresser in there. After we figured it out, Tyler asked me when we were going to let Jaxon sleep in his big boy bed. "When I'm ready" was my response. "You mean, when Jax is ready?" - "No... When I'm ready."

I don't know why I was dreading this moment so much, but I was. There is a huge emotional attachment to the crib, and there was no way my baby was ready for that change.

That same night after our usual bedtime routine, Jaxon crawled up onto his new bed. Then he laid down. So we went for it, with tears in my eyes. I grabbed his blankies out of his crib, gave him a binky, and we said goodnight.

Tyler and I thought for sure it wouldn't happen. The moment we left the room, he'd get out of bed and play with toys. Or cry. And we'd give up -- into the crib he would go.

We left the room and didn't hear a peep. I even got out my stalker video monitor and watched as he laid there. Rolled from side to side. Adjusted his blankie. Then... not a twitch from him.

Tyler went in about an hour later to grab some diapers for Cohen. When he came back out, he showed me this picture:

I mean, really? Was it really that easy for him to just ditch his bed, the only bed he had known for 21 months? Was it really possible that, just like that, our baby had turned into a big boy?

Yep. It's possible.

He's so proud of his new bed too. He loves to climb up there by himself, lay down, and simply state "na-night! na-night!" Hit the road Mom, I don't need you anymore.

Anyone who has been through this before can surely understand the feelings we had that night. It was such a bitter-sweet moment.

Thank the Lord we have another baby that will sleep in the crib. Because right now, I'm no where near being ready to get rid of it. Honestly, I wonder if I ever will. Surely we can find another use for it after Cohen outgrows it ... new love seat? A flower bed for the yard? ;)

Okay, Megan... it's time to let go. Let your boy grow up, just like he's supposed to. Just don't blink, because you'll miss it. Time really does fly by that fast.

Wordless Wednesday.

Couldn't do it.

Remember when I said I wasn't going to send out birth announcements?

Well, I lied. I mean, I was just kidding. Yeah, that sounds better.

I couldn't resist Tiny Prints. They sucked me in, once again. I would go there for every occasion if I could, but their prices are a little too steep for me. But really, they have the best designs and quality out there, in my opinion.

Now, before you get in a tizzy because you didn't receive one, I only ordered 10... what my budget allowed. So little guy's Grandparents, Great-grandparents, and his Aunts/Uncles got them.

So, here's a birth announcement for you. Via internet style.

Love them!

And now his baby book page that says "my birth announcement" won't be empty. Tyler swears up and down that's the only reason I got them. Funny guy, he is...

{how did he know?}

Life's a zoo.

Ever since moving here, we keep hearing from people everywhere we meet how we have to go to the zoo. The problem? We moved here when it was triple-digit heat. And then I had a baby. So Monday when the weather was in the upper 60's we decided to go for it.

What a fun afternoon it was. The zoo was really really nice, for being a smaller town I was really surprised at the amount of "good" animals they had. Jaxon is finally at an age that he could really enjoy it, and we all had a blast.

Cohen really enjoyed it ;)

What can I say - my husband has mad jumping skills...

The playground area was so fun - it would have been worth the money we spent to get in just to play here.

Just for you, Sister. :)

Jax and Daddy practicing their monkey rope climbing skills

Love these days together as a family. Definitely a perk of Tyler having Sun/Mon/Tues off is that we can go to these places during the week and practically have the place to ourselves.

So fun.

What can I give back to God for the blessings He's poured out on me?
Psalm 116:12

Cohen - 1 month

Hey there, little guy.

Mommy and Daddy have loved every second you've been here. Our family just feels complete and it feels like you should have been here all along. Jaxon can't get enough of you, literally, with his hands all over you every second you're near him. He loves having you around {although just a smidge jealous at times!} and I can't wait to see you guys play together some day. Although, right now I'm just enjoying my squishy cuddly newborn.

You weighed 9 pounds, 4 oz at your weight check on Monday, compared to your brother who was only 7 pounds, 8 oz at a month old. You're my chunky monkey, and I love every ounce of you!

You sleep between 4-6 hours at night, which Mommy adores. During the day you are still sleeping a lot too, but we love it when you're awake. You've very alert to everything going on around you. We still can't figure out what color your hair is though, is it brown or blonde? Dirty dirty blonde we like to call it.

You got to meet lots of new people this month! Everyone loves you, and tells us how cute you are. Although, we don't need to be told... we already know it. Coming up this month you'll get to meet your Uncle Chad & Aunt Kaela, and your 3 cousins at Christmas. You'll also get to meet Aunt Tiff and Uncle Mason. Everyone back home is so excited to meet you and see you again.

Happy 1 month, Cohen Michael! We love you, always!

Thoughtful.

There's a lot of reasons I love my sister.

I won't bore you with the details, because just imagine to yourself the best-ever-most-thoughtful-and-amazing sister in the world, and it's a smidge of what she is like.

Even my husband, who very rarely hands out compliments, said to me last night... "Kallie really is a great sister. Not just a sister, but a great friend to you." Yes indeed she is.

While she was here, apparently she got a hold of some post-it notes and thought to herself, "what can I do to make my sister's day?" So she did what every thoughtful person does, and hid notes all over my house. Not just notes, but encouraging notes. A couple that have made me smile, and a couple that made tears well up in my eyes.

{found in the Oatmeal box}

{found in the wipes container}

{found in a coffee cup}

{found under the kitchen sink}

{found in the boys' closet}

{found in a drawer}

{found in the washing machine! haha}

{and apparently my mom got in on the action! found in-between pots & pans}

For some reason I don't think I've seen the end of these notes either. The best part about it is they always pop up at the perfect time.

Thanks so so so much Sister. You made my day week. You are the best!

It's hard to be responsible, adult and sensible all the time. How good it is to have a sister whose heart is as young as your own. ~Pam Brown