Latelys.

Goodness, it's hard to believe the summer is over and we are quickly heading into the colder months.  Daylight Savings Time has rocked ME this year… not so much the boys, but this Mama crashes early every night now, which is annoying since it cuts into my alone time with my hot man.

Summer was a blast and I feel like we did a decent job this year of spending every waking moment outdoors going on bike rides, spending time at the pool, taking the boys to different parks, and of course doing a fair amount of traveling.  Then we blinked, summer was over, and Jaxon was in school.

Tyler's work has slowed down quite a bit recently and he just survived another layoff.  There has been plenty of opportunities for us to simply trust in The Lord and his GOOD and PERFECT timing in our lives.  Last week we were given an anonymous gift that had both of us in tears.  I hate that it took a physical check for me to give over the control and stress, but admittedly it did.  I'm not sure why I continue to waste so much time and energy on worry when He continues to prove himself faithful time and time again.  He really does care about the small details of our lives.

My younger brother plays football for William Jewell College, so most of our Saturdays this fall have been filled with this.  It has been fun seeing my parents so much the last few months as they come to town for his games!

There's not much to say about these two that I haven't already said at least a million times.  My love for them grows by the day, which seems impossible, but it's true.  The more I get to know them, the more I love them.

I have thoroughly enjoyed my time alone with Cohen while Jaxon is in school.  It has been SO GOOD and SO FUN!  He really thrives on one-on-one time… so do I.  :)  Quality time is my favorite!

The way Jaxon spends so much time building Legos amazes me.  His teacher recently pulled me aside and told me after 17 years teaching, she thinks Jaxon is the most creative she has seen.  The details he thinks of, she said, are way beyond a typical 4 year old.  That was so good for my Mama heart to hear.  :)  I think we'll be having a Lego & Batman Christmas around here!

Psalm 74 has been rocking my world lately as David talks about how all of his enemies are getting all of these things, while he suffers.  In the middle of the chapter, he stops and says "…BUT THEN I ENTERED THE THRONE ROOM".  His perspective completely changes, the things that mattered before no longer do.  All that matters is intimacy with Christ.

I've thought about that so much lately as I still try to figure out the crappy sequence of events that seem to have happened to us this year.  Nothing horrible and I realize there's so much that could be worse, but if I'm honest, the unanswered questions still linger in my head.  BUT THEN I ENTERED THE THRONE ROOM.  What if bad things happen to good people because Jesus' ultimate goal is intimacy with us.  Yeah, sure, he wants us to be happy and enjoy life… but at the expense of closeness with Him?  Nope.  In HIM we find contentment… in HIM we find joy.



Just because it makes me giggle.  They are twins.

Church has certainly kept me on my toes lately!  Between multiple Women's fellowship events I've planned, PLUS hosting a big Women's conference at our church, I have been a busy lady.  I love ministry and I am still praying that someday an opportunity will open for me to work for a church.  I am so thankful for our church family and the way they genuinely love and walk beside us.  I'll say it once, I'll say it a thousand times… get plugged in to a church and small group.  Right now.  :)

I ordered my 2014 Erin Condren life planner!

This is news, people.

Pictures to come once it finally arrives… the anticipation MIGHT kill me.

I still can't believe my baby turned 3 a couple weeks ago.

I mean, the youngest person in my house is THREE??  We're officially "out" of the baby stage?!  Tyler actually had the guts to bring up selling the crib recently.  The conversation ended pretty quickly when I didn't respond and gave him a nasty look.

We had a super fun birthday party, "Wreck it Ralph Cohen", when we were in Iowa (pictures coming!), and then celebrated the day-of with a small group of friends.

Gahhh… I still can't wrap my head around this.

Oh Charlie.  She's such a great dog.

I wish she was about 10 years older… 10 years more calm.

But she's a great dog.  So protective and LOYAL to the boys!

Have you ever taken a "spinning" class?  DO IT!  It's a lot of fun… if you like feeling like you're going to die.  :)

I've still been faithfully going to the gym 2-4 times a week… usually closer to 2-3… and have maintained the same weight for 10 months now.  Which, by the way, is the lowest weight I've ever been, even through high school!  I've never been able to wear single-digit sized pair of jeans, and size medium shirts.  I'm not saying this to brag, but to simply encourage you to KEEP GOING!  It's so worth it. 

I love this new way of living, this new lifestyle I lead.  I am not going to the gym to lose weight, I am going to the gym to stay healthy.  To stay confident.  To stay happy.

Fall Mini Sessions are keeping me on my toes as well.  I love my job.

I've had this lightbulb moment in the last couple weeks when I've realized how thankful I am that my parents had 4 kids.  These people are no longer just annoying siblings, but really have become my closest friends.

Especially in the last year, they have poured into mine and Tylers lives in ways that we never would have imagined.  They've taken us under their wings, pursued deep friendships, been intentional in our times together, and have faithfully prayed for us.

Not only our siblings, but our parents as well.  19 people gathered in my Sisters home for Cohen's birthday party and just LOVED on him.

I fully realize not everyone has this kind of relationship with their family or with their siblings, and I don't take it for granted.  Thank you, Jesus, for your abundant blessings.

Iowa is really beautiful.  I still pray we get to call it "home" again someday.

I also recently participated in a Freezer Meals Workshop, through Wildtree!  Have any of you done one?  So far we have REALLY enjoyed every meal that we've made, and the math ended up being about $12 a meal, and most of the time we have leftovers.  It took me 2 hours of prep, but for 11 meals, that was really reasonable!  December is always SO busy that I hope to do another one, to prevent us from eating out.  And, now I'm hungry.

If God hadn’t been there for me,
    I never would have made it.
The minute I said, “I’m slipping, I’m falling,”
    your love, God, took hold and held me fast.
When I was upset and beside myself,
    you calmed me down and cheered me up.

Psalm 94:18-19

I hope you all have enjoyed the beginning of Fall!

I'll be back soon with PARTY pictures…

AND…!

A giveaway for some pretty sweet Christmas cards from my favorite company ever!

Jumping back in.

There's so many things to say here.  So much to catch up on, that the thought of starting up again is almost suffocating.  Stepping back from blogging the past few months and reevaluating the reason behind this platform has been refreshing.

Realizing that more often than not, I was writing for others instead of myself has been eye opening.

And even more importantly, the Lord working on my heart in some deep and hard ways has been challenging.  Realizing that my life is like a fuel tank, and there's a reason we need to rest each night, and also a reason why we need to recharge at the beginning of the day has helped me become more aware of my constant need for the Lord.

Through all of this refining and waiting, I have been in some sort of a daze and all the while, my boys have truly grown up right before my eyes, while I was unaware of it.  Just in the last week or so, Cohen has clinged to his big brother in a way I haven't noticed before.  When he's scared, he reaches for Jaxon.  When he has a question, he asks his brother.  I was told at the gym that the two of them are inseparable and only play with each other.

While I'm so thankful for their friendship and relationship, part of me is already missing when I was their go-to, instead of each other.  Mama is feeling a little bit left out, I guess!

What are some other things that I want to remember?

How Cohen has morphed into a big boy so quickly... getting rid of his binky, potty training himself in 2 days (seriously!), riding and pedaling his big boy bike, and upgrading to a toddler bed and out of his crib.  The crib is still up, waiting to be filled... hint hint Mr. Keith :)

The 3 days Tyler and I spent child-free in Lake of the Ozarks... we celebrated 8 YEARS of marriage!  There are not enough words to thank my parents for watching our boys... it was truly refreshing!

The fun summer we've had despite all the sad... full of lots of time at the swimming pool, days in our backyard and picnics at the park, bike rides, road trips, vacations with family, and we still have another month left.  :)  I'm also SO thankful for the cooler summer this year... last weekend we were in sweatshirts sitting on our deck!  Gorgeous.

Jaxon's dismissal of trains and his obsession with legos and Batman, especially if the two of those things are combined!  I've found myself encouraging him to play with his trains again... I never thought I'd miss the sound of Thomas the blue engine, but surprisingly enough, I do.  Sweet boy.

The way I continue to feel when I see old pictures of myself, even from a year ago after I had already made some progress!  I've been pretty faithful and consistent, still going to the gym 2-4 times a week, and am overall just thankful for the gift of health and my new lifestyle.

My deep deep deep love for my husband, and how our relationship has only grown through this trial and dry season of our lives.  In the last few years, he has really stepped into this role of "protector" for me.  I have seen the way he way he defends me and continues to put his family first and I really couldn't be more grateful for him... now, to do a better job of showing it.  :)

I'm ready to jump back into blogging, holding nothing back.  I'm sure I've lost a few friends along the way, but here I go again.

I love looking back through the archives of this "online diary", and don't want to lose my chance at continuing to fill the folders with memories.  Life continues to blow by me at crazy speeds, and if I'm not careful, I'm going to miss it.

Little blessings.

((inspired by my Sister's recent gratitude post))

First and foremost, for grace.  I do not deserve the way I am loved by the Lord and by my boys.  I can go to bed feeling like I've completely failed that day, yet each morning brings consistent reminders of His faithfulness and love for me. 

For one on one time while Jaxon was away for his first sleepover.  I was reminded how easy it was to "just" have one child... ha! 

For peace and quiet, even if it's for a few minutes.  I'll take what I can get these days! 

For early morning snuggles with this boy.  His cheeks are so incredibly soft and kissable, I hope that never goes away. 

For the beautiful days here and there, though few and far between lately!

For my role as Wife and Mom.   

For the realization of how precious life really is.  My Uncle went into full cardiac arrest this week and was put into a medically induced coma for 2 days.  He is now awake, though still intubated, but can respond to yes/no questions and is clearly not a fan of a tube being down his throat.  Between that and the Boston Marathon bombing... life is precious.  

For surprise and unexpected Family Days... and Lego Land.  :)  I am grateful for Tyler's boss who values family and told him to take a day off after being away in Colorado for 10 days.  Our day together was needed and SO enjoyed.  

For beautiful sunrises and the chance to spend a week with a friend who needed me.  It meant being away from my husband for another 7 days, but I'm thankful that I was able to go and be there when I was wanted and needed. 

For the little things... the way Cohen makes a ginormous mess under any table we eat at.  I know it won't be this way forever, and when he's 18 and eats with a fork (hopefully), I will look back and smile.  For now, I just leave an extra tip. 

For the absolutely great memories I was flooded with while driving by my old childhood home.  I am so thankful for every part of my story, it makes me who I am today. 

For coffee shops.  I love how recharged I feel when I leave.

For sunshine and boys toys.  His excitement about life is contagious. 

For another chance at a family day, this time spending it with our close friends.  This was our last "hoorah" with them as they moved away last week.  This transition has been so hard for me, it is the first time I've been "left behind".  When you move 7 times in 6 years, you're always the one leaving, so this is all new to me.  I trust that the Lord will once again prove himself faithful in bringing me another person to share my day to day life with, but for now I am just reminding myself how incredibly blessed I am to have Andrea and the amazing friendship we share.  Now we simply share it from 4 hours apart.

(wiping away my tears)  

For my sexy man husband.  I love this guy, and being away from him so much this month has only amplified my appreciation for him. 

For our church.  I have been swamped with responsibilities here lately, between helping design our new logo and website, photographing the staff, Women's Ministry planning, and so much more... yet I leave every time feeling fulfilled.  Work in the church is hard, and chaotic at times, but so rewarding.

For the unique child he is.  3 hats and a horse... why not!? 

For the way I can still hear him giggling underneath that cart.  It's obviously the best way to ride around Mommy's favorite red store! 

Thank you, Jesus, for my little blessings.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!

  His faithful love endures forever.

Psalm 107:1

It's ok.

Tyler has been on a work trip to Colorado for the last 9 days.  And in those last 9 days, I've decided that...

It's ok to travel to your Mom's house and spend 3 days there.  Her house is a safe place.

It's ok to not cook while your husband is gone.  Your kids eat mac 'n cheese and chicken nuggets so much better than the gourmet stuff anyway.

It's ok to DEMAND alone time.  I don't care whether or not Jaxon is napping in his room, but quiet time is a must.

It's ok to not have a clean house.  There's no one to impress, and I'll get to it when I'm done with whatever it is I'm doing.



It's definitely ok to not make the bed.  I'm the only one sleeping in it anyways.

It's ok to help myself to a second cup of coffee, even if it's at 4pm.  Those evening hours are the worst and longest, you know.

It's ok to have dinner with the same friends three nights in nine days.  These friends means so much to me, I am so thankful for the way they have loved on me and the boys recently.

It's ok to enjoy having the TV all to yourself after the kids bedtime.

It's ok to think about giving your dog up for doggie adoption because she won't listen and drives you crazy.  Instead of making a drastic mistake, it's ok for her to spend a lot of time in her kennel instead.

It's ok to not feel guilty about letting your kids play alone.  I've decided I'm done beating myself up about this.  My Mom did not sit on the floor and play with me 24 hours a day and I never ever ever remember feeling like she didn't love me.

It's ok to take advantage of the full 2 hour time limit on childcare at the gym.  Even if it means sitting alone in the hallway for 20 minutes.

It's ok to let your child dress himself, even if the pants are backwards and the shirt is a day old.  It's less laundry for you anyway.  And to let them break the rule "just this once" and jump from couch to couch.  Their Batman capes help them fly, after all!

Husband will hopefully be home in the next couple days.

It will all be ok.

On motivation.

Can I just tell you how much harder it is to maintain your weight than it is to lose?

When you're losing, you're working really hard and seeing pay off week after week, even if it's slower than you'd like.  You have people in your life encouraging you to keep going, telling you that you look great, and your lose clothes are a clear indicator of your progress!

When you're maintaining, you're still working hard but the scale no longer moves much, which can be discouraging when you're used to seeing a loss week after week.  It's an adjustment, even if your goal is to only maintain, and not lose.

That's where I am.  I continue to go to the gym at least 3 times a week, sometimes a day more, sometimes a day less... I have learned to give myself so much more grace on the weeks that I don't make it there all 3 times.  I've lost 45 pounds, 13 pounds more than my original goal weight, and have stayed in the same general spot for a couple months now.

It feels great and I am overall happy with the way I look.  I feel like I deserve it, because I work hard.  More than anything, I just feel confident, which is a word I would have never used to describe myself a year ago.

My motivation continues to come from the small things that I hope to never forget...
Knowing, grasping, and accepting this feeling of my husband thinking I'm the most beautiful lady on the planet.  When you have spent your life feeling insecure, this doesn't come natural.
The energy I have
The way I feel AFTER a workout
Jeans slipping on and buttoning without a battle, and without a muffin top!
Also - jeans actually being comfortable... who would have thought?
Seeing muscle and definition where I never have before
And, confidence.  So much more confidence.

My greatest battle is my immense love for food and carbs.  Give me a hot roll fresh out of the oven, and you will probably hear me squeal in joy.  Ridiculous, I know... food should not control my emotions the way I sometimes allow it to.  And I still have days that I completely undo my hard workout because of the food choices I make.

But I've come to realize, if this is going to continue to be a lifestyle change and not just a "fad", I'm going to have great days, and I'm going to have bad days.  The goal is to just not have a bad day too often.  :)

So let's hear it... where do you find your motivation?

Monday MishMash.

- We had a really great weekend - a perfect mix of getting things done and enjoying some family time together as well.  Yesterday afternoon I had a few errands to run at Town Centre, so Jaxon came with me and as we finished at the last store, he asked me for a drink.  There's a Starbucks nearby and when I mentioned that as an option, he said "so you'll get a coffee and I'll get a hot chocolate?"  Sounds like a date, buddy.  I love one-on-one time with both of the boys.  It really helps me soak them in individually instead of managing the chaos that usually happens when they are together.

- And speaking of the chaos when they are together... the boys have officially reached the "fight over EVERYTHING" stage.  I often joke why in the world I wanted Cohen to talk.  Last week on the way to church, they were fighting over whether or not the sky was blue.  Jaxon was so upset about it that he was in tears, and I did not have the energy to break up the fight so I just sat in the front seat and let them duke it out in the back.  A lot of times, Cohen knows he is wrong but sees that it is upsetting Jaxon so he continues.  Ahhh... I hear I have at least 18 more years of this.  :)

- I am amazed on a daily basis at the new words Cohen is saying or tries to say!  He's now putting two or three words together and says "too" when we tell him that we love him... so far it's the closest I've heard to any kind of recognition of "I love you".  I will melt into a puddle of mush when he finally says it back to us.  I love this boy and the way he is so uniquely different than his brother.  He's DIRTY (Jaxon hates to even have a finger messy), he is so much more physically active, he loves silly things like wearing boots to bed and wearing his snow hat all over the house (Jaxon's OCD side would never handle those things).  He will eat anything and everything under the sun, while Jaxon is very picky.  Neither of them better than the other, just so different, and I love it.

- We got another 10" of snow last week, on top of the 12-14" we already had.  Tyler had another snow day (amazing!) and we spent the day playing outside and being really lazy inside.  I love it so much, but I'm ready for the warmer spring temperatures.  It will be 60 here by Friday and I can't wait.

- Most of you know that last month we decided to start looking to buy a home here and needed to close on the loan by March 31st in order to take advantage of $0 down.  Out of all of the houses we looked at, we only loved 3 of them, and for different reasons we could not get any of those 3.  We really needed to be under contract by this week in order to close by the 31st, so it seems like The Lord has closed the door on that for now.  I feel at complete peace about it, which is surprising considering how much I dislike our current rental house.  I just know that whatever The Lord has up His sleeve is so much bigger and greater than what we had planned, so I am reminded to trust in that.

- Charlie is 13 weeks old now and a really great puppy!  She sits, comes, stays, and hasn't had an accident in the house for weeks.  Of course it's not easy, but we are pretty determined to have a good dog and will continue to work with her.  I am thankful for kennel training, anytime she's driving me crazy and I need a break she goes there, and even does it on command.  She has been a great addition to our family - I love how much the boys enjoy playing with her.

- Friday night I got our Women's Ministry team together at a local coffee shop just to hang out and be together.  I feel like too many times we're invited to "meetings" or "events", but rarely just to play board games and laugh.  We ended up staying until closing and didn't even realize how late it was.  I am so thankful for our church and these women who I get to serve alongside.

- Yesterday we went to a local bike shop and got Tyler a new bike... he hasn't gotten one as an adult and has been using his one since high school when we go on bike rides.  It was a pricey purchase but since we had been saving for it for a while, we were able to get it.  Makes me even more excited for spring!  The boys also begged for new bikes while we were there, but at $200 a piece, it wasn't happening, I don't care how cute you are!

- Anytime you need a reminder of why you blog, flip through old posts of yours and smile.  Tyler and I looked through a couple different years worth of posts yesterday and "awww'd" over things we had already forgotten about and laughed at different memories.  So all of you bloggers - keep going.  Instagram is easier, but I really feel like keeping up with my blog is something I won't regret.

- It's only Monday and I'm already excited for the weekend!  We are headed to Iowa to see my family... I haven't hung out with my Sister in months (feels like years), we get to stay at a hotel with my parents, and see a lot of extended family as well.  Can't wait!

Hello... weeks later.

Hey there.

Remember when I used to blog multiple times a week?

Yeah, me too.  Life happens.

I feel this overwhelming pressure to blog but with the chaos that abounds in our home right now, I don't know where to begin.  I start to wonder how much I should share, and how much we should just keep to ourselves, so I figured I'll just start writing and see what happens.

:)

I'm afraid instagram has started to replace my blog, which is sad since I know years from now I will regret that.  I love looking through old posts, so many of them are ridiculous and I was such a dork (and probably always will be), but that was life then.  And this is life now... and I still want to document it.

So here we go, what's been happening in our neck of the woods?

Of course, day to day life with the boys... there's never a dull moment!
We've enjoyed a few beautiful "park days"... and then the next day it snows.  Crazy Kansas.
A few lazy days here and there as well.
Playdates with friends!
The flu hit Jaxon, and Praise the good Lord the rest of us have avoided it... knockonwood.
I celebrated my 27th birthday with friends, flowers, and a World Market + dinner date.  Perfection.

Cohen "graduated" from speech therapy... hooray!
Family night is always my favorite.
Coffee with my sweet husband is, too.
Family came to town to celebrate Jaxon's 4th birthday.
Had dinner with my BFF ... so much laughter!  I am so grateful for 15 years of friendship.

These boys are my life, can you tell?  :)
I love how I feel after a great workout.
I also love Erin Condren and her cute iPhone cases.
I don't love still not sleeping through the night.  I can't wait for Jaxon's 4 year old wellness appointment to talk to our pediatrician and pick her brain.

I feel so behind on the blog world that I have literally been avoiding my computer.  But then I see my amazingly cute new computer chair, and have a seat.  Try and tackle the 200+ unread blog posts in Google Reader.

So much cuteness inside World Market.  I'd describe it as a mix between Pottery Barn and Anthro, but way more reasonable prices.  Ahh, to win the lottery... :)

To close out the most random post in history, here's a glimpse at what's going on with us.

We are in prayer about a couple major decisions, and really would ask that you join us as well, if you think about it.  We've really been seeking the Lord the last few weeks and just as we felt an answer and one door open, a second door opened as well.  We've been struggling with which one is the "right" door and of course trying to decide which is best for our family.

I find so much peace knowing the Lord has our best interests at heart.  I believe He will continue to open and close doors, guiding us where He wants us to be permanently.  I also believe He will use us to advance His kingdom no matter which door we choose.

We just need prayer, and lots of it.  At times I start really freaking out about it, and almost feel like I'm having panic attacks.  Then I take a breather and realize it's because I'm not fully trusting, instead I am trying to figure it out on my own.  Never once have we ever walked alone - He is faithful.

You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.

Isaiah 26:3

After sharing our situation with one of my best friends, her reply was "I feel like amazing things are on the horizon for you guys, I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store in the next couple months."

I am clinging to that hope and join her in the excitement of seeing whats to come for our family.

In other news, I can't believe we have a four year old.  Angry Birds birthday party coming to the blog soon.

So much craziness in one post, but hopefully we'll be back to regular scheduled programming soon.  Thanks for hanging in there with me.