When I don't deserve it.

A couple days ago, I got home and saw an unexpected package on my front step.  Knowing I hadn't ordered anything recently, I was excited to run inside and open it, and once I did, I was floored. 

You guys, I've been a craptastic friend lately.  The past few months of my life I almost feel like I've been in a daze of some sort, and have had a major case of feeling sorry for myself.  Really craving and praying for friends, but not being a friend myself.  You know that old saying, "to have a friend, you have to be a friend" has proven true!

Even after having this awful attitude, a sweet girl (who has moved away) went way above and beyond and sent a package for my boys.  She thought of everything -- the feelings of excitement and change that are coming for our family, and even sent some money for Cohen to take me for a special treat on Jaxon's first day of school.



As much as I appreciated it, this simple act of thoughtfulness really inspired me.

To be more thoughtful.  To give more and be selfless.  To reach out and make someone else's day.  To give 100% to relationships, even when I feel like I'm the only one trying.

Thank you, Andrea, for being a true friend to me... even when I don't deserve it.

Have a happy Friday friends!  We have company coming for the weekend, and I am hosting a Women's movie night at the barn (on our church property)!  Should be fun... what are you up to?

Little blessings.

((inspired by my Sister's recent gratitude post))

First and foremost, for grace.  I do not deserve the way I am loved by the Lord and by my boys.  I can go to bed feeling like I've completely failed that day, yet each morning brings consistent reminders of His faithfulness and love for me. 

For one on one time while Jaxon was away for his first sleepover.  I was reminded how easy it was to "just" have one child... ha! 

For peace and quiet, even if it's for a few minutes.  I'll take what I can get these days! 

For early morning snuggles with this boy.  His cheeks are so incredibly soft and kissable, I hope that never goes away. 

For the beautiful days here and there, though few and far between lately!

For my role as Wife and Mom.   

For the realization of how precious life really is.  My Uncle went into full cardiac arrest this week and was put into a medically induced coma for 2 days.  He is now awake, though still intubated, but can respond to yes/no questions and is clearly not a fan of a tube being down his throat.  Between that and the Boston Marathon bombing... life is precious.  

For surprise and unexpected Family Days... and Lego Land.  :)  I am grateful for Tyler's boss who values family and told him to take a day off after being away in Colorado for 10 days.  Our day together was needed and SO enjoyed.  

For beautiful sunrises and the chance to spend a week with a friend who needed me.  It meant being away from my husband for another 7 days, but I'm thankful that I was able to go and be there when I was wanted and needed. 

For the little things... the way Cohen makes a ginormous mess under any table we eat at.  I know it won't be this way forever, and when he's 18 and eats with a fork (hopefully), I will look back and smile.  For now, I just leave an extra tip. 

For the absolutely great memories I was flooded with while driving by my old childhood home.  I am so thankful for every part of my story, it makes me who I am today. 

For coffee shops.  I love how recharged I feel when I leave.

For sunshine and boys toys.  His excitement about life is contagious. 

For another chance at a family day, this time spending it with our close friends.  This was our last "hoorah" with them as they moved away last week.  This transition has been so hard for me, it is the first time I've been "left behind".  When you move 7 times in 6 years, you're always the one leaving, so this is all new to me.  I trust that the Lord will once again prove himself faithful in bringing me another person to share my day to day life with, but for now I am just reminding myself how incredibly blessed I am to have Andrea and the amazing friendship we share.  Now we simply share it from 4 hours apart.

(wiping away my tears)  

For my sexy man husband.  I love this guy, and being away from him so much this month has only amplified my appreciation for him. 

For our church.  I have been swamped with responsibilities here lately, between helping design our new logo and website, photographing the staff, Women's Ministry planning, and so much more... yet I leave every time feeling fulfilled.  Work in the church is hard, and chaotic at times, but so rewarding.

For the unique child he is.  3 hats and a horse... why not!? 

For the way I can still hear him giggling underneath that cart.  It's obviously the best way to ride around Mommy's favorite red store! 

Thank you, Jesus, for my little blessings.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!

  His faithful love endures forever.

Psalm 107:1

Hello... weeks later.

Hey there.

Remember when I used to blog multiple times a week?

Yeah, me too.  Life happens.

I feel this overwhelming pressure to blog but with the chaos that abounds in our home right now, I don't know where to begin.  I start to wonder how much I should share, and how much we should just keep to ourselves, so I figured I'll just start writing and see what happens.

:)

I'm afraid instagram has started to replace my blog, which is sad since I know years from now I will regret that.  I love looking through old posts, so many of them are ridiculous and I was such a dork (and probably always will be), but that was life then.  And this is life now... and I still want to document it.

So here we go, what's been happening in our neck of the woods?

Of course, day to day life with the boys... there's never a dull moment!
We've enjoyed a few beautiful "park days"... and then the next day it snows.  Crazy Kansas.
A few lazy days here and there as well.
Playdates with friends!
The flu hit Jaxon, and Praise the good Lord the rest of us have avoided it... knockonwood.
I celebrated my 27th birthday with friends, flowers, and a World Market + dinner date.  Perfection.

Cohen "graduated" from speech therapy... hooray!
Family night is always my favorite.
Coffee with my sweet husband is, too.
Family came to town to celebrate Jaxon's 4th birthday.
Had dinner with my BFF ... so much laughter!  I am so grateful for 15 years of friendship.

These boys are my life, can you tell?  :)
I love how I feel after a great workout.
I also love Erin Condren and her cute iPhone cases.
I don't love still not sleeping through the night.  I can't wait for Jaxon's 4 year old wellness appointment to talk to our pediatrician and pick her brain.

I feel so behind on the blog world that I have literally been avoiding my computer.  But then I see my amazingly cute new computer chair, and have a seat.  Try and tackle the 200+ unread blog posts in Google Reader.

So much cuteness inside World Market.  I'd describe it as a mix between Pottery Barn and Anthro, but way more reasonable prices.  Ahh, to win the lottery... :)

To close out the most random post in history, here's a glimpse at what's going on with us.

We are in prayer about a couple major decisions, and really would ask that you join us as well, if you think about it.  We've really been seeking the Lord the last few weeks and just as we felt an answer and one door open, a second door opened as well.  We've been struggling with which one is the "right" door and of course trying to decide which is best for our family.

I find so much peace knowing the Lord has our best interests at heart.  I believe He will continue to open and close doors, guiding us where He wants us to be permanently.  I also believe He will use us to advance His kingdom no matter which door we choose.

We just need prayer, and lots of it.  At times I start really freaking out about it, and almost feel like I'm having panic attacks.  Then I take a breather and realize it's because I'm not fully trusting, instead I am trying to figure it out on my own.  Never once have we ever walked alone - He is faithful.

You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.

Isaiah 26:3

After sharing our situation with one of my best friends, her reply was "I feel like amazing things are on the horizon for you guys, I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store in the next couple months."

I am clinging to that hope and join her in the excitement of seeing whats to come for our family.

In other news, I can't believe we have a four year old.  Angry Birds birthday party coming to the blog soon.

So much craziness in one post, but hopefully we'll be back to regular scheduled programming soon.  Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Authenticity.

I've been thinking this week a lot about how often I compliment other women, and how hard it's become.

It's a difficult thing to do, don't you think?  Behind a computer screen, it's easier.  I've told my husband on and off throughout the years that I feel closer to a lot of my blog friends than I do to people in real life.  Not because my friends are bad people, but I'm really starting to see it in my own life as well, that it's easier for me to compliment, to encourage, to build someone up, behind a computer screen than it is in person.

I used to think that I was a good encourager, and while I don't think I'm awful at it, I have also gotten sloppy in the last year or so.  Jealousy creeps into my heart and when I see a friend that has lost weight, bought a new house, or just simply looks extra beautiful that day, I struggle more than normal to compliment her. 

The sin of comparison is a big reason behind this, wouldn't you agree?  "It's not fair that she gets a brand new house..." or "why does she always look put together while I look tired and sloppy?"  We each have our own battles we fight, and the person that I am jealous of has struggles of her own.  She may be caught in a trap of comparison herself, struggling to be content as well, but from my limited perspective she seems to have it all together.

A lot of times a simple, authentic, compliment can really change someone's attitude and the way they may be feeling.  I can think of so many times that I was having a crummy day, and felt like a friend really swooped in to save the day, just by taking a second to lift me up.  Knowing what a big difference encouragement does in my own heart, it should come more natural for me to do the same to others.

I want to do a better job of sharing an encouraging thought when it comes to mind, instead of holding it back.  To realize the importance of my words, and become aware of my presence when someone is having a tough day.  I want to really take note of what encourages me, and go out of my way to do the same for another person.  Most importantly, I want to love with my whole heart, not just when I'm feeling like it... the way Christ has called us to.  (Romans 12:10)

Life is so much sweeter when it's shared with people that are genuinely on your side.  Who are authentic in their praise and love for you... the ones who truly share in your joy.  

I want to be a friend like that.  

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thess 5:11

Hello Monday.

Hello Monday... we had an amazing PRODUCTIVE weekend!  The weather was beautiful on Saturday and Tyler spent the majority of the day outside with the boys while I cleaned and did laundry like a maniac.  Deep cleaned, ladies.  It felt so good, and Sunday I was able to spend the afternoon napping and also watched a movie, guilt free!  Love. 

Hello girls night coming up this weekend, as well as a dinner date (soon, hopefully!) with my BFF!  I just need to squeeze a date night in there as well, and I'll be set.

Hello spontaneous trip to my parents house last week.  It was a quick visit, just a night, but it did my body good!  I love spending time with my Mama... and scoring some wicked shopping deals.  :)

Hello beginning to plan Jaxon's 4th birthday next month!  I've decided to do "big" parties every other year going forward, so this will be a low key pizza and cake get together with family.  I don't know why I feel guilty about not having a big event... I'm trying to just enjoy it instead of spending so much money and time in party details.

Hello losing another 10 pounds since this post... 44 pounds lost.  One of my new years goal is to not lose any more weight, but to lose the body fat.  Right now I'm at 35%, and I need to be between 20-25%.  Don't confuse body fat with BMI percentage, that thing is a joke.  Body fat is simply the fat on your body versus the muscle. 

Hello more sleep issues with Jaxon.  He did *so* good for a couple weeks and I totally chalked it up to cutting out the Red Dye, and yet last night he was up from 1:30am-4am.  Wide awake.  During this time, he managed to turn the tv on, play downstairs, find the iPad that we always hide before bed and watch movies, helped himself to a piece of toast that was left out on the counter (no butter or anything on it..yuck), AND worst of all... let Charlie out of her kennel.  He says "but Mom, I just wanted someone to watch the movie with me."  Ha!!  So of course at this point, we know there's pee somewhere in the house, since he didn't take her outside, and ask him if she peed anywhere.  He says "yes, on the chair... but I cleaned it up with a napkin."  Of course now my recliner is stained (hopefully it will come out with a little elbow grease) and the 'napkin' he used was a single square of toilet paper.  So that's helpful.

Hello feeling downright discouraged about parenting.  I just feel so unequipped and incapable.  While I know those are lies and I'm choosing to not believe them, today has been especially tough.

Hello slloowww photography season.  I'm trying to remember it will start picking up again soon, but it's getting sad.  Anyone need some Valentines Day pictures?  :)

Hello two boys who desperately need haircuts this week. 

Hello another cup of coffee calling my name.  With a night like last night, I need some fuel for the rest of the day!

What are you saying hello to this week?

The church.

I have a big lump in my throat as I type this... not only is a little bit embarrassing to admit, but every time I realize what just happened I choke up and tears pour out of my eyes.

So here it goes.

This month has been a very tight one for us financially.  I did a horrible job of budgeting our gifts that we were buying others, and as much as I love to GIVE to people, I lost track of what was spent and once I realized it, it was too late.  We have a very small amount to get us through to the end of the month, but hopefully after that, we'll be back up on our feet.

Last night I was texting a close friend of mine asking her for CHEAP meal ideas.  I needed to go to the grocery store later that evening, and was trying to figure out how to feed the family for the week on a super tight budget.  She texted me back plenty of ideas, great ones at that, and trying to trust the Lord to provide and hopefully not eat junk all week long, I was finally ready to go to the store.

As I was putting on my shoes, she sent me another text.

"Don't go yet.  I have something I want to bring you."

Reluctantly, I waited.  And suddenly I started feeling bad, hoping by asking her for cheap meal ideas she didn't suddenly feel pressured to do something to help us.  I knew we'd be fine, and I didn't want her to take on our burden, you know?

About a half hour later, her and her husband walked in with BAGS full of groceries, easily a weeks worth of food.  Not only did she get us essentials, but she knows me so well she brought my favorite coffee creamer, Starbucks coffee, homemade treats, and extra food for the freezer as well.  She knows my boys so well that she knew what they like, and avoided any foods with red dye.

I had to hold back the tears, as I didn't want to be a blubbering fool in front of them, but as soon as they left and I started putting it all away, I just broke down.

THIS is what the church is.  People who love, serve, and give, without hesitation.  Without second thought.  Friends who stand in the gap for you... who pray you through tough seasons of life.

These friends of ours allowed the Lord to use them and provide for us in a tangible way.

What a great God we serve.  And what great friends we have.

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in 

Christ Jesus.

Philipians 4:19

And now I look for a way to pass it on.  Open your heart this Christmas season to hear from the Lord and listen for ways to bless someone else... believe me, they will forever be grateful.

Overwhelmed with gratitude.

For a beautiful, relaxing, quality time filled weekend.

For friends who walk along you in your journey, and who love playing games.  :)

For a church family who serves so faithfully.  One that truly seeks the Lord's heart.

For our sweet boys.

For their Grandparents on both sides, who I know love my boys deeply!

I am so blessed.  May I never forget.

Happy Monday!

...In everything give thanks. 

1 Thess 5:18

Monday brain dump.

Trying to find a balance between my daily responsibilities, exercising, maintaining a home, still speaking to friends, seeing my husband in passing, putting on my photographer hat, AND being a Mom has been a challenge in the last few weeks... unfortunately I feel like I'm barely succeeding at any of them, which is extra frustrating.

I don't like to just give 25% of myself to something.  I want to give all or nothing... and somehow I need to learn to balance these responsibilities better.

This post is sponsored by lack of sleep.

:)

On a positive note, we had a fun weekend.  Friday afternoon Tyler got sent home from work early, so I took off and had a 3 hour coffee date with my best friend.  We don't see each other nearly often enough, but when we do, it's just a matter of picking up where we left off.  It's one of those friendships that no matter how busy we are, our friendship remains.  I'm thankful for that stability.

Saturday I went to a pump class while Tyler took Jaxon to the Home Depot kids workshop.  This boy makes my heart swell with pride each time he goes... he can't wait to come home and show Momma what he made "for me" and I love that he gets one-on-one time with his Daddy as well.  I fully anticipated Cohen being a mess at the gym without his big brother by his side, but he held his own quite well.

We had my nephew + nieces overnight Saturday as well, so it was a full house, but seriously?  These cousins are the best friends ever to my boys.  I love that they get to grow up together and how much fun they have.

Sunday wrapped up our weekend with a church picnic at the lake, followed by a wedding that I photographed in the afternoon.  It was a last minute gig, as they called and booked at 9pm the night before, but I was happy to accept!  With another wedding coming up this weekend, I appreciate all the practice I can get.

Grocery shopping ended our weekend, but not without a trip to Sonic for a diet coke and ice cream cone for Jax, who has self-declared himself "Mommy's buddy."  Of course, this was after the ice cream cone was already finished.

Even when it's busy, life is sweet.

Hello Monday.

Hello weather that is such a tease... with rain clouds looming above, there's not a drop of water coming out of them.  Please please please rain, and soon.

Hello really fun weekend at my parents house.  I needed to get away and recharge, and that's exactly what happened!  I had so much fun with both my Mom and Dad, and it felt good to just be together... laughing, exercising, and playing games (of course!)  Plus, I found the Mama of all garage sales and scored some amazing deals for Jaxon's next size up!

Hello being reunited with my hubby... 

nothing beats just being with him in the evenings after the boys are asleep.

Hello busy week ahead!  4 nights of Backyard Bible Clubs (our church's form of VBS), a photoshoot, and lunch/coffee with Molly.

Hello trying to get over Strep Throat for the last 2 weeks.  I finally went to Urgent Care yesterday and got a new antibiotic along with more medicine, so I'm hoping my throat will finally stop scratching soon.

Hello Olympics!!  We don't have a DVR, so it's hard to watch every event, but I have really enjoyed what I've seen so far.  I get all teary-eyed and beam with pride for our country.  I love it!

Hello preparation for yet another trip to Iowa next weekend... this time to photograph a wedding!  I can't wait.  Which reminds me, I still need to find something to wear.

Hello speech therapist coming to our house tomorrow to meet with Cohen.  She really has her work cut out for her, and I am so excited to hear some suggestions on how I can help him.

Hello feeling so overwhelmed with support from friends and family since announcing my business.  

I feel so grateful.

Hello blessing after blessing with finding good deals on Craigslist.  I just bought a SpeedLite for a fraction of what it costs brand new, and the guy had only taken it out of the bag to test it once.
Thank you, sweet Jesus.

Hello wishing I could scoop up all my girlfriends right now for a chat at Starbucks.  I miss my friends!  

And my Sister... but she's a given. 

Hello bike ride this morning with the boys.  It's been SO LONG since the weather has been cool enough to go, and we enjoyed it so much that I didn't even notice we were gone for over an hour.

Hello reeaaallly wanting a big fountain diet coke right now.

Hello reeeaaallllly wanting a girls weekend away with whoever wants to join me.

What are you saying hello to today?  Hope your weekend was a great one. 

Workin' at the car wash.

Jaxon's best friend spent the night here this weekend, so we thought we'd put the boys to work.

out of focus... but my proof that this boy does not like getting his hands dirty!

Cohen was done... can't say I blame him.

The boys ran and ran and ran until the sun went down... I love tired babies!  Oh, and PS... little boys in swim trunks are just the cutest thing.

We had a perfect weekend... it was a great mix of getting things done, plus relaxing, plus just enjoying time together.

Friday I also got to talk to one of my favorite e-friends Leah, through her thick Minnesotan accent I was so thankful for the words of encouragement and advice she passed my way.  I love blogging and the sweet friendships I've made.

The Lord is stirring up things in mine and Tylers hearts, and while I don't feel like I'm at the place yet to share, I can say I'm excited about the days ahead.  He continues to open doors of opportunity and I couldn't be more thankful.

Tonight I lead worship for our small group.  One of my favorite things we do together... there's nothing more special and intimate you can do with friends you love than entering into the throne room alongside them.  My prayer is to be used as a vessel to lead them there.

"Not for us, but to your name be the glory!"

Hope you all had a happy weekend as well.  Bring on another summer-fun-filled week!