Simple joy.

The joy and anticipation my boys wake up to each day nearly makes me jealous. 

They want the simple in life: parents who love them, time time time time time (and more time) spent together, and a warm house. 

What would my life look like if I had a even a glimpse of their innocent joy, their simple expectation for each day, their worry and care-free attitudes. 

My boys are constantly inspiring me to be a better person. To look for the happy in everything.

There's so much less negativity in their sweet little eyes. 

I want to be more like them.

S C H O O L Mom

Last week marked another big "milestone" for our family.

I have spent the last few months dreading this day... the one that I would become an official "school Mom" with an older kid, early morning routines, and soooo many anticipated tears (on my end)!

I think the anticipation of this day was so much worse than it actually happening... you know how that happens and your mind plays tricks on you?

I was afraid of the BIG school vs my little boy...
...the unknowns of who his friends would be and who his TEACHER would be!
...the insecurities
...and most of all, just letting go.

Letting go of my boy and trusting Jesus to protect and take care of him. So much easier said than done.

As we were walking to school the first day, out of the blue, Jaxon reached up and grabbed my hand. This isn't uncommon for him as he tends to hold my hand when we walk most places, but this time it felt different. He squeezed me harder than usual, looked up at me, and said "I love you soooo much, Mom."

Insert the tears!

It was complete reassurance for me. All of those years in the thick, in the hard parenting moments, that I spent worrying that I had done it all wrong... all of those fears were gone in that moment.

He's a confident boy. He's ready. And not only do I adore this boy, but he loves M E as well!

What an absolute honor it is to be a Mom.

Real, or Pretend?

I struggle a little bit every Christmas season, trying to figure out how to incorporate Santa into our traditions the "right" way, and today I've decided there is no right way.  Every family is different, so whether or not you "do" Santa in your home, this post is not directed towards you.  Today, I'm wrestling with what this looks like for our own family.

I don't ever want my boys to have this moment of disappointment as they realize what they've been told for many years isn't actually true.  But I do want them to experience the fun and the story behind Santa as well.  Trying to find a happy medium between the two is hard to do.

I've talked about it before, but my hope is that the boys would "believe" in Santa as part of the magic of an imagination, and child-like faith.  The same way they "believe" they can be superhero's, or fly.

This year, we even started doing the "Elf on the Shelf" tradition.  Not all crazy-Pinterest-like, but simply moving the elf to a different place after the boys go to bed each night.  Their giggles and laughs as they find "Christopher" in a different spot each morning is SO fun.

Jaxon brought home a Rudolph craft he made at school today.  His eyes lit up as he realized I also knew the Rudolph song, as we sang it together and laughed afterwards.

We joke and talk about Santa and being on the naughty & nice list, and have watched Polar Express at least 700 times so far this Christmas season.

But you know what else we do?

We talk about the Nativity every day.  We talk about Christmas and WHY we give gifts… Jaxon even knows the 3 gifts the Wisemen brought Jesus.  The boys set up their Little People Nativity Set and know all of the people by name.  They also know its Jesus' birthday and that's why we celebrate.

This whole subject has been on my mind a lot today as I've read an article posted on Facebook talking about why a particular family does NOT do Santa.  And that's great for them!  It raised some questions in my mind, so I made up a new game for us to play, on our way home from the gym this afternoon. I told them I was going to say a name, and they would tell me if that person is real or pretend.

I started the game pretty simple…

"Is Grandpa real or is he pretend?"
"REAL!", they shouted in unison.
"Hmm, ok… is Batman real or pretend?"
"… pretend?"
"Yep!  He's a really cool superhero though, isn't he?!  Now what about Rudolph?"
"pretend!!"
"You're right!  And Papa?"
"He's real!"
"Good… what about Santa?"
"… pretend, right Mom?"
"Yes, he is pretend. But remember St. Nick, from the Veggie Tales we watched?"
"Yes… he brought gifts to people, didn't he Mom?"
"You're right, Jaxon.  Now, what about Jesus?"
"… He's real."

My day = made.

Growing up, my parents talked about Santa and he brought our stockings every year.  I think they made it pretty clear from the get-go that he was not real, as I don't ever remember actually believing in him.  He was simply another fun part of our Christmas traditions.

That's exactly what I hope he is in our home, as well.  I think we're off to a pretty great start.

Oh, Coco bear.

One week from tomorrow Jaxon will be starting preschool, so we are soaking in every last minute of summer that we can!  Tyler's Mom and siblings came for a visit last weekend (which we thoroughly enjoyed!) and the summer heat has finally hit with full vengeance... of course, after pools are closed during the week.  Sweet!

Anyway.

I feel like I've probably mentioned a time or two on my blog how much different Jaxon and Cohen are in just about every way possible.  The way they look, their personalities, their likes and dislikes, and I could continue for days.

Instead of boring you with paragraph upon paragraph of their differences, I will sum it up with one simple story.

Every day when we sit down at the table to eat, Jaxon asks for a napkin to put underneath his plate or bowl.  He doesn't like messes.

Today at lunch, he asked for one, and I had to break the bad news that we were actually out of napkins.  I know, the horror!  He proceeded to cry and tell me a few different reasons WHY he needed one, so I found him a washcloth to use instead.  That temporarily satisfied him, but I have a feeling dinner time tonight will be a completely different story.

Also during today's lunch, we were talking about how Cohen had left his Mr. Monkey out in the yard earlier in the day while he was playing outside.  Jaxon was telling him that it wasn't a good idea to do that, because now it would be dirty, and what if birds would have stolen his monkey?!

Cohen's response?  "I kill da birds with my hands."

I laughed out loud, Jaxon was appalled, and we continued eating.

A couple minutes later, Cohen starts laughing and I look up to find he has shoved a macaroni noodle UP his nose.  I quickly tell him to take it out, give him a lecture on how it could get stuck up there, and helloooo that's disgusting.

He laughs his evil laugh, BLOWS IT OUT OF HIS NOSE.... and eats it.

Complete opposites in every way possible.

Jaxon - 4 1/2.

Well Mr. Man... another 6 months has flown by in the blink of an eye.

You really are the most gentle and tender hearted child I know.  You have a sweet and sensitive spirit, so instead of parenting how we assumed was best, we've had to take a step back and really dig in deep to who you are as we try to figure out how that little mind of yours operates!

You THRIVE on positive words and it amazes me how much you repeat those kind words to others, the more you hear them!

Your obsession with Legos and Batman continues, and you LOVE to build and create with blocks or Legos... and dude, you're an amazing builder.  You also enjoy playing hide and seek, chase, and searching for pirates in the backyard.  It makes me so happy seeing your imagination grow!

Of course, your friendship with Cohen continues to get stronger by the day as well.  One of my favorite moments recently was when your brother came out of his room crying, and before I could even see what was wrong, you yelled from your room, "Cohen, if you're scared, come sleep with me!"  You two slept together that night, and Cohen's bed has been in your room ever since.

Preschool starts in 2 short weeks!  You'll be going 3 mornings a week, and I'm really looking forward to it. Of course, my feelings may change the day of, but I think the routine and instruction from your teachers will only help us!

You've started getting yourself dressed (or attempting to, which is great!), and you can now put your own shoes on as well, which is a big help to Mommy.  Realizing how much "less" you've needed me to help you lately has been bittersweet, for sure.

One of my favorite things about this age is how I'm able to have a conversation with you.  We had a chance to go to the store one-on-one recently, and we talked the entire way there!  You're full of questions and definitely have a mind like your Dad's, trying to understand the who/what/when/where/why of everything.  I love it.

You're also an incredibly affectionate boy.  You love to have your back scratched, and physical touch of some sort always helps calm you down or reassure you.

You are a true gift from God.  Jaxon Daniel, we love you to the moon and back!

It's ok.

Tyler has been on a work trip to Colorado for the last 9 days.  And in those last 9 days, I've decided that...

It's ok to travel to your Mom's house and spend 3 days there.  Her house is a safe place.

It's ok to not cook while your husband is gone.  Your kids eat mac 'n cheese and chicken nuggets so much better than the gourmet stuff anyway.

It's ok to DEMAND alone time.  I don't care whether or not Jaxon is napping in his room, but quiet time is a must.

It's ok to not have a clean house.  There's no one to impress, and I'll get to it when I'm done with whatever it is I'm doing.



It's definitely ok to not make the bed.  I'm the only one sleeping in it anyways.

It's ok to help myself to a second cup of coffee, even if it's at 4pm.  Those evening hours are the worst and longest, you know.

It's ok to have dinner with the same friends three nights in nine days.  These friends means so much to me, I am so thankful for the way they have loved on me and the boys recently.

It's ok to enjoy having the TV all to yourself after the kids bedtime.

It's ok to think about giving your dog up for doggie adoption because she won't listen and drives you crazy.  Instead of making a drastic mistake, it's ok for her to spend a lot of time in her kennel instead.

It's ok to not feel guilty about letting your kids play alone.  I've decided I'm done beating myself up about this.  My Mom did not sit on the floor and play with me 24 hours a day and I never ever ever remember feeling like she didn't love me.

It's ok to take advantage of the full 2 hour time limit on childcare at the gym.  Even if it means sitting alone in the hallway for 20 minutes.

It's ok to let your child dress himself, even if the pants are backwards and the shirt is a day old.  It's less laundry for you anyway.  And to let them break the rule "just this once" and jump from couch to couch.  Their Batman capes help them fly, after all!

Husband will hopefully be home in the next couple days.

It will all be ok.

Monday MishMash.

- We had a really great weekend - a perfect mix of getting things done and enjoying some family time together as well.  Yesterday afternoon I had a few errands to run at Town Centre, so Jaxon came with me and as we finished at the last store, he asked me for a drink.  There's a Starbucks nearby and when I mentioned that as an option, he said "so you'll get a coffee and I'll get a hot chocolate?"  Sounds like a date, buddy.  I love one-on-one time with both of the boys.  It really helps me soak them in individually instead of managing the chaos that usually happens when they are together.

- And speaking of the chaos when they are together... the boys have officially reached the "fight over EVERYTHING" stage.  I often joke why in the world I wanted Cohen to talk.  Last week on the way to church, they were fighting over whether or not the sky was blue.  Jaxon was so upset about it that he was in tears, and I did not have the energy to break up the fight so I just sat in the front seat and let them duke it out in the back.  A lot of times, Cohen knows he is wrong but sees that it is upsetting Jaxon so he continues.  Ahhh... I hear I have at least 18 more years of this.  :)

- I am amazed on a daily basis at the new words Cohen is saying or tries to say!  He's now putting two or three words together and says "too" when we tell him that we love him... so far it's the closest I've heard to any kind of recognition of "I love you".  I will melt into a puddle of mush when he finally says it back to us.  I love this boy and the way he is so uniquely different than his brother.  He's DIRTY (Jaxon hates to even have a finger messy), he is so much more physically active, he loves silly things like wearing boots to bed and wearing his snow hat all over the house (Jaxon's OCD side would never handle those things).  He will eat anything and everything under the sun, while Jaxon is very picky.  Neither of them better than the other, just so different, and I love it.

- We got another 10" of snow last week, on top of the 12-14" we already had.  Tyler had another snow day (amazing!) and we spent the day playing outside and being really lazy inside.  I love it so much, but I'm ready for the warmer spring temperatures.  It will be 60 here by Friday and I can't wait.

- Most of you know that last month we decided to start looking to buy a home here and needed to close on the loan by March 31st in order to take advantage of $0 down.  Out of all of the houses we looked at, we only loved 3 of them, and for different reasons we could not get any of those 3.  We really needed to be under contract by this week in order to close by the 31st, so it seems like The Lord has closed the door on that for now.  I feel at complete peace about it, which is surprising considering how much I dislike our current rental house.  I just know that whatever The Lord has up His sleeve is so much bigger and greater than what we had planned, so I am reminded to trust in that.

- Charlie is 13 weeks old now and a really great puppy!  She sits, comes, stays, and hasn't had an accident in the house for weeks.  Of course it's not easy, but we are pretty determined to have a good dog and will continue to work with her.  I am thankful for kennel training, anytime she's driving me crazy and I need a break she goes there, and even does it on command.  She has been a great addition to our family - I love how much the boys enjoy playing with her.

- Friday night I got our Women's Ministry team together at a local coffee shop just to hang out and be together.  I feel like too many times we're invited to "meetings" or "events", but rarely just to play board games and laugh.  We ended up staying until closing and didn't even realize how late it was.  I am so thankful for our church and these women who I get to serve alongside.

- Yesterday we went to a local bike shop and got Tyler a new bike... he hasn't gotten one as an adult and has been using his one since high school when we go on bike rides.  It was a pricey purchase but since we had been saving for it for a while, we were able to get it.  Makes me even more excited for spring!  The boys also begged for new bikes while we were there, but at $200 a piece, it wasn't happening, I don't care how cute you are!

- Anytime you need a reminder of why you blog, flip through old posts of yours and smile.  Tyler and I looked through a couple different years worth of posts yesterday and "awww'd" over things we had already forgotten about and laughed at different memories.  So all of you bloggers - keep going.  Instagram is easier, but I really feel like keeping up with my blog is something I won't regret.

- It's only Monday and I'm already excited for the weekend!  We are headed to Iowa to see my family... I haven't hung out with my Sister in months (feels like years), we get to stay at a hotel with my parents, and see a lot of extended family as well.  Can't wait!

Hello Monday.

Hello Monday... we had an amazing PRODUCTIVE weekend!  The weather was beautiful on Saturday and Tyler spent the majority of the day outside with the boys while I cleaned and did laundry like a maniac.  Deep cleaned, ladies.  It felt so good, and Sunday I was able to spend the afternoon napping and also watched a movie, guilt free!  Love. 

Hello girls night coming up this weekend, as well as a dinner date (soon, hopefully!) with my BFF!  I just need to squeeze a date night in there as well, and I'll be set.

Hello spontaneous trip to my parents house last week.  It was a quick visit, just a night, but it did my body good!  I love spending time with my Mama... and scoring some wicked shopping deals.  :)

Hello beginning to plan Jaxon's 4th birthday next month!  I've decided to do "big" parties every other year going forward, so this will be a low key pizza and cake get together with family.  I don't know why I feel guilty about not having a big event... I'm trying to just enjoy it instead of spending so much money and time in party details.

Hello losing another 10 pounds since this post... 44 pounds lost.  One of my new years goal is to not lose any more weight, but to lose the body fat.  Right now I'm at 35%, and I need to be between 20-25%.  Don't confuse body fat with BMI percentage, that thing is a joke.  Body fat is simply the fat on your body versus the muscle. 

Hello more sleep issues with Jaxon.  He did *so* good for a couple weeks and I totally chalked it up to cutting out the Red Dye, and yet last night he was up from 1:30am-4am.  Wide awake.  During this time, he managed to turn the tv on, play downstairs, find the iPad that we always hide before bed and watch movies, helped himself to a piece of toast that was left out on the counter (no butter or anything on it..yuck), AND worst of all... let Charlie out of her kennel.  He says "but Mom, I just wanted someone to watch the movie with me."  Ha!!  So of course at this point, we know there's pee somewhere in the house, since he didn't take her outside, and ask him if she peed anywhere.  He says "yes, on the chair... but I cleaned it up with a napkin."  Of course now my recliner is stained (hopefully it will come out with a little elbow grease) and the 'napkin' he used was a single square of toilet paper.  So that's helpful.

Hello feeling downright discouraged about parenting.  I just feel so unequipped and incapable.  While I know those are lies and I'm choosing to not believe them, today has been especially tough.

Hello slloowww photography season.  I'm trying to remember it will start picking up again soon, but it's getting sad.  Anyone need some Valentines Day pictures?  :)

Hello two boys who desperately need haircuts this week. 

Hello another cup of coffee calling my name.  With a night like last night, I need some fuel for the rest of the day!

What are you saying hello to this week?

My thoughts.

I'm a little bit of a homebody.  I could easily stay home with no company for days (maybe even a week) at a time.  My boys seem to be the complete opposite of me, so we tend to be on the go at least once a day, whether it's to the gym or just to "Mommy's favorite red store" to walk around.

The shooting in CT a few days ago has rocked me to my core as I have sat and weeped for the broken families, the shoes that will never be worn again, the Christmas gifts that will never be opened, the car seats that will never be filled, and for the gaping hole in the parents hearts that will never be made whole again.

Moments like those make me want to stay in my homebody shell, with doors locked, where no one can hurt us... where I feel safe and secure.  I can honestly say homeschooling never crossed my mind until Friday when I started thinking "hmm, maybe I could do it..."

As I was sitting on the couch with tears pouring out of my eyes, threatening to never leave our home and never expose my kids to the evil of this world, I was reminded where my hope is.  This earth is not our forever home.  I can not (and will not) live in a bubble because of fear.  The Lord knows when and where he will take my family to Heaven, and there's nothing I can do to stop his timing.

As much as I'd like to think I can, or wish I can, I know that His plan is ALWAYS better than my own.  So once again today, as I wake up in a state of fear and panic for the world my boys are growing up in, I lay it down at His feet.  God, I say that I trust you.

Loved this prayer I read, by Max Lucado:

Dear Jesus,

It's a good thing you were born at night. This world sure seems dark. I have a good eye for silver linings. But they seem dimmer lately.

These killings, Lord. These children, Lord. Innocence violated. Raw evil demonstrated.

The whole world seems on edge. Trigger-happy. Ticked off. We hear threats of chemical weapons and nuclear bombs

. Are we one button-push away from annihilation?

Your world seems a bit darker this Christmas. But you were born in the dark, right? You came at night. The shepherds were nightshift workers. The Wise Men followed a star. Your first cries were heard in the shadows. To see your face, Mary and Joseph needed a candle flame. It was dark. Dark with Herod's jealousy. Dark with Roman oppression. Dark with poverty. Dark with violence.

Herod went on a rampage, killing babies. Joseph took you and your mom into Egypt. You were an immigrant before you were a Nazarene.

Oh, Lord Jesus, you entered the dark world of your day. Won't you enter ours? We are weary of bloodshed. We, like the wise men, are looking for a star. We, like the shepherds, are kneeling at a manger.

This Christmas, we ask you, heal us, help us, be born anew in us.

Pinterest and Insecurity.

I'm already having a pretty craptastic day thanks to my 4 year old refusing to sleep again last night, so emotions are running high as it is.

And then I logged onto Pinterest.  And some ridiculous idea popped into my head to look at a friends "home" board.  Full of pins of beaaaautiful homes, designs and gorgeous kitchens straight out of a magazine.  Homes that are not reality for most people, but we like to dream big.  Or something like that.

And then I browsed her "Kids" board.  And started feeling like my boys are probably going to suffer in school and need counseling as adults because I didn't do enough hand and footprint turkeys, and shoot... I never got around to making that homemade playdough or sidewalk paint.

The "clothing" board suddenly made me feel like my closet is full of ugly clothes and that I must.go.shopping.now.  The "exercise" board did a great job of convincing me I was a big fatty who only went to the gym once this week.  And let's not even talk about the DIY board, that screams at you to get up and construct something that very moment.

Are you seeing a trend here?

Pinterest makes me feel inadequate... like I'll never be good enough.  I just can't help but feel that way every time I log on.

And then you check your Facebook, and see pictures from the Jones' recent family vacation to the Caribbean, and how the Smith's 3 year old now knows how to read.  Or in my case, how the other local photographers have thousands of fans, while I relish in my 185.

It's the trap of comparison.  False reality.  And horrible Mom guilt.

I have to step away and question WHY I feel the constant need to "keep up".  And remind myself of the truth, that I may not be a perfect Mom, wife, or house-keeper... but I am,

A loving Mom... who adores hugs, cuddles, kisses, tickling backs, and holding hands.

A supportive Mom... who will always listen with an open heart.  Who will pray constantly and faithfully.

A baking/cooking Mom... who will provide dinner each night and bake their favorite treats.

A movie Mom... I will cuddle them on the couch all day long, if given the opportunity.

An "on the go" Mom... who will take them with me to the store, gym, and to fun places as well... the indoor mall, indoor playground, local parks, and many other places all over town.

A dance party Mom... watch out, I have some mad moves when that right song comes on.

A "kiss your Dad" Mom... who will be affectionate and loving and kind to their Father.

Or just "Mom".... frequently imperfect, but constantly trying.  Always learning.  Frazzled at times.  But someone who will love them the exact way they need to be loved.

Comparison is getting me no where, other than opening a door for the Enemy to come in and lie to me, telling me I'll never be good enough.  

All my boys ask from me is that I try, and for my love.  Those two things they will always have.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Romans 12:2

Tidbits.

I'm in a major blogging rut, so here's my go-to post... a mishmash of what's going on!

I am praying for my heart through this Christmas season, that the GOOD NEWS of why we celebrate would never turn into OLD news.  I want it to be on the forefront of my mind constantly, not focusing on parties, or finances, or all of the to-do's... but rather be driven by why we are celebrating.  Already I have found myself feeling suffocated by the gifts to buy and the traditions that I should have started with the boys (and haven't yet), and I can't let it be that way.  I want this to be the best Christmas season, for all the right reasons.  

Next time you're in Target and you see a frazzled Mom with a screeeaming 3.5 year old and 2 year old, would you say a prayer for her instead of staring and judging why she can't keep her kids under control?  I'm so sick of the side stares I get from people.  I'm sure it's easy to forget what it's like to have young kids, but as an exhausted Mom, I can tell you that your stares are not helping.  Neither are your "my kids will never do that" thoughts.  Just say a prayer for her next time, please? 

And on that note, I am extremely thankful for naps.  Another rough day around these parts, and I needed a breather... almost as much as he needed some sleep. 

Oh, and this cute boy.  He is well into toddlerhood with his favorite phrase being NO!  I think my Mom almost cried last weekend when I sent her precious Cohen to his room.  He's SO cute and ornery and I'm beaming with joy at his expanding vocabulary.

So, one of the most exciting things is my newest addition to my photography business... a 27" iMac!  Oh heavens, what a blessing this was.  A lady posted on our KC Photographers board advertising it, and when I questioned why the price was SO low she told me her Dad owned a cancer clinic that just shut down (because he had passed away), and all these computers needed sold.  She wasn't in it for the money or profit, and it was one of those "too good to pass up" deals.  Especially with AppleCare warranty until next Fall, I feel so grateful.  And dang, editing and looking at pictures is so much fun.  :) 

Christmas jammies = my favorite.  I love lazy mornings at home!

My Dad and I (and Sammy the dog) went on a 2 mile run on Saturday while they were here visiting.  It's the first time I've ran since our race, and it felt great to be back out there.  I've still been really consistent about going to the gym 2-4 times a week (usually going to boxing/TRX or cardio/weights), and to date have lost 39.8 pounds.  Now I need to shift my focus from losing, to maintaining.  It's hard to allow myself those extra couple hundred calories when all I've known for the last 7 months is those are BAD!

I feel like my struggle is finding a happy balance between losing and gaining.  I'm either one or the other, and haven't ever really been able to maintain, so I'm praying this time is different!  I really love how healthy I feel overall, so I hope I won't ever forget that.  

And now, I need a new wardrobe.  And this is not me bragging.  I'm actually bummed about this, because the clothes that are hanging in my closet are ones I still really like.  

The other thing that has taken up a bunch of my time recently, is that I am the new Women's Ministry leader at our church!  The Lord really orchestrated this leadership change in an amazing way, and I am thrilled to pieces to be serving somewhere that I am so passionate about... women and moms.  I have huge dreams for this ministry, and I am just continuing to pray that I can be used in whatever way the Lord sees fit.  I dream of this network of women who are connected and who never feel like they are going through motherhood or just life in general alone.  It's all about the relationships we form. 

One of the biggest dreams I have is to get a Moms group started next spring/summer when our building opens.  Do you remember the Moms group I was apart of in Waco that blessed my socks off?!  Yep, that's it.  That's my dream.  If you are apart of something like this, I'd love to hear all of the things that you guys do to keep my wheels spinning in motion.  And I'd most definitely appreciate the prayer, any time you think of me in this position! 

I love seeing this boys imagination grow.  Yesterday he said to me "Mommy, my Buzz Lightyear is flying to the train store.  Your Buzz is flying to Mommy's favorite red store."  Ha!

He also called me "cheeky" yesterday.  All of you Moms that have Thomas lovers will understand that one.  :) 

Tidbits.

- I don't know who invented Daylight Savings Time, but I am 110% against it this year.  Not only does it jack with the boys' schedules, but I feel like it has put me out of whack as well.  Not to mention it makes running impossible, unless I want to run in the dark, which I won't.  Which means running on the treadmill.  Which I hate.  AND it's pitch dark at 5:15 when Tyler gets home.  Ugh.

- Whoops, sorry to start on a negative note.  Who is excited for the Election results tonight?!  This girl!  I feel so honored, so thankful, so privileged to have a voice and the freedom to vote.  I am so confident that our God is BIGGER than any candidate, and has complete control no matter the results.  I'm just ready for all the political garbage to be over!

- Tyler and I went on an unexpected date Friday night.  Sushi and to a coffee shop to play a board game.  Seriously my IDEAL date.  Coffee, games, and the man I love.  So perfect.

- Seriously, sometimes my OCD side just cannot handle the way kids play with toys.  Why can't we just sit and play with ONE toy at a time, and instead we have to dump ALLLL of them out.  And some days I really just want to throw away every single toy we have.
But then there's this crazy side of me:: I love to clean up our playroom.  Putting all of the toys in a basket, sorting them, and putting them where they belong makes me happy.  Until it needs done again 10 minutes later.

- I still haven't quite wrapped my head around having a 2 year old.  My littlest child is 2.  It feels weird to not have anyone younger than 2 in our house.  This probably makes no sense to anyone else but me, but I just haven't quite wrapped my mind around it yet.  Did I tell you we ate at T-Rex the night of Cohen's birthday party and my boys were freaked out the entire time?  We just went there a few months ago and they both LOVED it, and then we go on Cohen's birthday and they are scared.  Of course it works out that way!

- Lots of exciting things happening in my role at church lately and I'm so excited about what God has laid on my heart.  Nothing I can share yet... but I will soon.  :)

- The last 5 weekends have been spent shooting weddings, so to say I am excited for a break this weekend is an understatement!  (Leah, I have no idea how you did it all.summer.long!)  My parents are coming to town, and my Dad, brother, and I are running a 10k!  I am ready for it to be over so I can stop worrying about not being able to run it.  :)

- Did you enter my giveaway yet?  $50 off your Christmas cards?  Do it!

- I am "on call" the next couple weeks for an upcoming birth (for photography), and I am so excited!  I'm a little freaked out it will happen in the middle of the night and I won't hear my phone ring, but I've been cranking my phone up to full volume so I'm fairly certain it won't be a problem.  I should probably be more worried about waking up my entire household when my ringer does go off.

- I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS!!!!  I wish I could set up my Christmas tree tomorrow.

Ok, this is a totally random and ridiculous post, obviously there's not much going on in our neck of the woods.  I should go start dinner... doesn't it feel like that's all we do?

Cook, clean...pick up the toyroom... repeat.

This stinks.

It's been an especially exhausting week, taking care of my 2 sick boys, and on top of that I was also feeling horrible a couple of the days as well.

It started out with a fever by them both, followed by a trip to Children's Mercy when it hit 105, and throughout the week other symptoms have slowly followed... coughs, headaches, not eating, sleeping a ton, and general laying around.  Yesterday when Jaxon's eyes started draining green nasties every half hour, and Cohen woke up with the same nasties this morning, we headed to the doctor... again.

I'm so glad I did.  Both of them have bacterial infections (which apparently start as a viral, and then turn into bacterial once it gets bad enough)... both have 103 degree temps... both have an eye infection... and lets through an ear infection into the mix as well, shall we?

My spirit is low this afternoon, but I cling to HIS strength...
"God takes the side of the helpless; when I was at the end of my rope, He saved me"... Psalm 116:6

I'm not normally one to "match" the boys, but I couldn't resist this time... a totally un-posed picture, of two sick boys, with their lovies.  My heart just hurts when they are sick.

Think someone needs new jammies, or what?  :)

I think it's true, that you have to have rough days/weeks in order to appreciate the good ones more.  I can't wait for next week...

I'm trying my hardest.

This week has proved to be another busy one, and I'm so thankful for the times we have at home to just hang out together and play trains.

I am trying my hardest to not "wish away" these hard toddler days, as I hear on a daily basis how quickly they will pass.  It's hard to see beyond this tough season with the boys, even though I know it's not a permanent one.  One day I'm going to wake up and they will no longer be interested in trains.  It will be Legos.  Then superheros.  Then friends.  Then girls....

I'm trying my hardest to soak in these long days... feeling like I'm more of a railroad track maintenance woman instead of a Mom, as I fix the tracks hundreds of times a week, and change batteries as if my life depended on it.

I'm trying my hardest to speak to them in a gentle, caring way.  To encourage them and recognize the good and not so much of the bad.  To discipline with love, and to tell them every night before they fall asleep how much I adore them.

I'm really trying my hardest.  And on nights that I feel like I've completely failed, I see grace in their eyes when they wake up the next morning and give me another chance to be better.

A sting.

I was sitting on the living room floor playing with Jaxon yesterday afternoon when I said to him,

"Jaxon, thanks for playing with Mommy."

"Yep!" he replied.

"I like being your friend, buddy."

"You're not my friend.  I don't want to be best friends.  And I don't want to play with you."

Yeah, he's 3 years old... I get that.  And in the big picture, I also know I'm not supposed to be his friend, but his parent.

But, it stung.  Quite a bit actually.

He's been saying things like this more frequently than not lately, and while part of me wonders if he really understands what he's saying, I also realize there's going to be a day (probably sooner than later) that he will fully understand it and still say mean things.

Sigh, this parenting gig really is hard work.

Soccer Mom.

It's hard to believe I have a child old enough to start a sports class.

I was a little hesitant, considering he's only 3 years old, but this class is specifically designed for 3-4 year olds and I thought following instructions + a little physical activity would be good for him.  It is a 6 week sports program, covering soccer, basketball, and baseball.

At risk of sounding like an annoying proud parent, this boys is fast.  He clearly gets his speed from his Daddy!

He did really good overall, kept up with the upper-4's, and of course made his Mama so proud.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend...
It will be a busy one for us...
hanging out with family + friends
taking pictures for 2 different couples
laughing around the campfire
going through an entire bottle of bug spray
giving daily baths to my boys
and most importantly, avoiding snakes.

Dirty outfits + dirty faces... it's officially summer.

What about you... any plans?