S C H O O L Mom

Last week marked another big "milestone" for our family.

I have spent the last few months dreading this day... the one that I would become an official "school Mom" with an older kid, early morning routines, and soooo many anticipated tears (on my end)!

I think the anticipation of this day was so much worse than it actually happening... you know how that happens and your mind plays tricks on you?

I was afraid of the BIG school vs my little boy...
...the unknowns of who his friends would be and who his TEACHER would be!
...the insecurities
...and most of all, just letting go.

Letting go of my boy and trusting Jesus to protect and take care of him. So much easier said than done.

As we were walking to school the first day, out of the blue, Jaxon reached up and grabbed my hand. This isn't uncommon for him as he tends to hold my hand when we walk most places, but this time it felt different. He squeezed me harder than usual, looked up at me, and said "I love you soooo much, Mom."

Insert the tears!

It was complete reassurance for me. All of those years in the thick, in the hard parenting moments, that I spent worrying that I had done it all wrong... all of those fears were gone in that moment.

He's a confident boy. He's ready. And not only do I adore this boy, but he loves M E as well!

What an absolute honor it is to be a Mom.

Latelys.

Goodness, it's hard to believe the summer is over and we are quickly heading into the colder months.  Daylight Savings Time has rocked ME this year… not so much the boys, but this Mama crashes early every night now, which is annoying since it cuts into my alone time with my hot man.

Summer was a blast and I feel like we did a decent job this year of spending every waking moment outdoors going on bike rides, spending time at the pool, taking the boys to different parks, and of course doing a fair amount of traveling.  Then we blinked, summer was over, and Jaxon was in school.

Tyler's work has slowed down quite a bit recently and he just survived another layoff.  There has been plenty of opportunities for us to simply trust in The Lord and his GOOD and PERFECT timing in our lives.  Last week we were given an anonymous gift that had both of us in tears.  I hate that it took a physical check for me to give over the control and stress, but admittedly it did.  I'm not sure why I continue to waste so much time and energy on worry when He continues to prove himself faithful time and time again.  He really does care about the small details of our lives.

My younger brother plays football for William Jewell College, so most of our Saturdays this fall have been filled with this.  It has been fun seeing my parents so much the last few months as they come to town for his games!

There's not much to say about these two that I haven't already said at least a million times.  My love for them grows by the day, which seems impossible, but it's true.  The more I get to know them, the more I love them.

I have thoroughly enjoyed my time alone with Cohen while Jaxon is in school.  It has been SO GOOD and SO FUN!  He really thrives on one-on-one time… so do I.  :)  Quality time is my favorite!

The way Jaxon spends so much time building Legos amazes me.  His teacher recently pulled me aside and told me after 17 years teaching, she thinks Jaxon is the most creative she has seen.  The details he thinks of, she said, are way beyond a typical 4 year old.  That was so good for my Mama heart to hear.  :)  I think we'll be having a Lego & Batman Christmas around here!

Psalm 74 has been rocking my world lately as David talks about how all of his enemies are getting all of these things, while he suffers.  In the middle of the chapter, he stops and says "…BUT THEN I ENTERED THE THRONE ROOM".  His perspective completely changes, the things that mattered before no longer do.  All that matters is intimacy with Christ.

I've thought about that so much lately as I still try to figure out the crappy sequence of events that seem to have happened to us this year.  Nothing horrible and I realize there's so much that could be worse, but if I'm honest, the unanswered questions still linger in my head.  BUT THEN I ENTERED THE THRONE ROOM.  What if bad things happen to good people because Jesus' ultimate goal is intimacy with us.  Yeah, sure, he wants us to be happy and enjoy life… but at the expense of closeness with Him?  Nope.  In HIM we find contentment… in HIM we find joy.



Just because it makes me giggle.  They are twins.

Church has certainly kept me on my toes lately!  Between multiple Women's fellowship events I've planned, PLUS hosting a big Women's conference at our church, I have been a busy lady.  I love ministry and I am still praying that someday an opportunity will open for me to work for a church.  I am so thankful for our church family and the way they genuinely love and walk beside us.  I'll say it once, I'll say it a thousand times… get plugged in to a church and small group.  Right now.  :)

I ordered my 2014 Erin Condren life planner!

This is news, people.

Pictures to come once it finally arrives… the anticipation MIGHT kill me.

I still can't believe my baby turned 3 a couple weeks ago.

I mean, the youngest person in my house is THREE??  We're officially "out" of the baby stage?!  Tyler actually had the guts to bring up selling the crib recently.  The conversation ended pretty quickly when I didn't respond and gave him a nasty look.

We had a super fun birthday party, "Wreck it Ralph Cohen", when we were in Iowa (pictures coming!), and then celebrated the day-of with a small group of friends.

Gahhh… I still can't wrap my head around this.

Oh Charlie.  She's such a great dog.

I wish she was about 10 years older… 10 years more calm.

But she's a great dog.  So protective and LOYAL to the boys!

Have you ever taken a "spinning" class?  DO IT!  It's a lot of fun… if you like feeling like you're going to die.  :)

I've still been faithfully going to the gym 2-4 times a week… usually closer to 2-3… and have maintained the same weight for 10 months now.  Which, by the way, is the lowest weight I've ever been, even through high school!  I've never been able to wear single-digit sized pair of jeans, and size medium shirts.  I'm not saying this to brag, but to simply encourage you to KEEP GOING!  It's so worth it. 

I love this new way of living, this new lifestyle I lead.  I am not going to the gym to lose weight, I am going to the gym to stay healthy.  To stay confident.  To stay happy.

Fall Mini Sessions are keeping me on my toes as well.  I love my job.

I've had this lightbulb moment in the last couple weeks when I've realized how thankful I am that my parents had 4 kids.  These people are no longer just annoying siblings, but really have become my closest friends.

Especially in the last year, they have poured into mine and Tylers lives in ways that we never would have imagined.  They've taken us under their wings, pursued deep friendships, been intentional in our times together, and have faithfully prayed for us.

Not only our siblings, but our parents as well.  19 people gathered in my Sisters home for Cohen's birthday party and just LOVED on him.

I fully realize not everyone has this kind of relationship with their family or with their siblings, and I don't take it for granted.  Thank you, Jesus, for your abundant blessings.

Iowa is really beautiful.  I still pray we get to call it "home" again someday.

I also recently participated in a Freezer Meals Workshop, through Wildtree!  Have any of you done one?  So far we have REALLY enjoyed every meal that we've made, and the math ended up being about $12 a meal, and most of the time we have leftovers.  It took me 2 hours of prep, but for 11 meals, that was really reasonable!  December is always SO busy that I hope to do another one, to prevent us from eating out.  And, now I'm hungry.

If God hadn’t been there for me,
    I never would have made it.
The minute I said, “I’m slipping, I’m falling,”
    your love, God, took hold and held me fast.
When I was upset and beside myself,
    you calmed me down and cheered me up.

Psalm 94:18-19

I hope you all have enjoyed the beginning of Fall!

I'll be back soon with PARTY pictures…

AND…!

A giveaway for some pretty sweet Christmas cards from my favorite company ever!

Preschooler!

Something BIG happened around our house this past week...

How is it possible my sweet baby boy is old enough for pre-K?

I really didn't anticipate all of the emotions I would have the morning of his first day!  The night before, I started taking trips down memory lane and got teary eyed remembering him as a itty bitty newborn from the hospital and laughing about his toddler troubles.  However, the morning of, I was a bit of a mess.  Even though leading up to this day Jaxon was super excited to go to school, all of the sudden he didn't want to, claiming he had already gone!  (to Parents Night, that is!  Ha!)  

However, he finally calmed down as we tried to remind him of the fun activities and friends he would make.  Mama, on the other hand, still struggled calming down.  :)

I didn't cry until after I walked out of the school, but I just had this PIT in my stomach that wouldn't go away.  Realizing this boy will go to school the rest of the years he lives at home was hard to swallow... it just felt like all of the sudden he was no longer a "child" and now someone who goes to school and has homework. 

Cohen and I had a super fun morning alone... we stopped for a Starbucks treat, and then headed to the park to feed the ducks and play at the playground.  I'm not sure which of us enjoyed our time alone more!

Before we knew it, it was time to pick big brother up!  Cohen greeted him with THE BIGGEST hug and my heart turned to mush. 

He had a great first day.  His teacher reported that he was shy and "observing" at first (totally Tyler's personality!) but came out of his shell within an hour.  When I picked him up, he told me he didn't want to leave... so that was a great sign!

So proud of my big boy.  Watching them grow up is such a bittersweet thing, one that I hope to never take for granted.

Jaxon - 4 1/2.

Well Mr. Man... another 6 months has flown by in the blink of an eye.

You really are the most gentle and tender hearted child I know.  You have a sweet and sensitive spirit, so instead of parenting how we assumed was best, we've had to take a step back and really dig in deep to who you are as we try to figure out how that little mind of yours operates!

You THRIVE on positive words and it amazes me how much you repeat those kind words to others, the more you hear them!

Your obsession with Legos and Batman continues, and you LOVE to build and create with blocks or Legos... and dude, you're an amazing builder.  You also enjoy playing hide and seek, chase, and searching for pirates in the backyard.  It makes me so happy seeing your imagination grow!

Of course, your friendship with Cohen continues to get stronger by the day as well.  One of my favorite moments recently was when your brother came out of his room crying, and before I could even see what was wrong, you yelled from your room, "Cohen, if you're scared, come sleep with me!"  You two slept together that night, and Cohen's bed has been in your room ever since.

Preschool starts in 2 short weeks!  You'll be going 3 mornings a week, and I'm really looking forward to it. Of course, my feelings may change the day of, but I think the routine and instruction from your teachers will only help us!

You've started getting yourself dressed (or attempting to, which is great!), and you can now put your own shoes on as well, which is a big help to Mommy.  Realizing how much "less" you've needed me to help you lately has been bittersweet, for sure.

One of my favorite things about this age is how I'm able to have a conversation with you.  We had a chance to go to the store one-on-one recently, and we talked the entire way there!  You're full of questions and definitely have a mind like your Dad's, trying to understand the who/what/when/where/why of everything.  I love it.

You're also an incredibly affectionate boy.  You love to have your back scratched, and physical touch of some sort always helps calm you down or reassure you.

You are a true gift from God.  Jaxon Daniel, we love you to the moon and back!

Jumping back in.

There's so many things to say here.  So much to catch up on, that the thought of starting up again is almost suffocating.  Stepping back from blogging the past few months and reevaluating the reason behind this platform has been refreshing.

Realizing that more often than not, I was writing for others instead of myself has been eye opening.

And even more importantly, the Lord working on my heart in some deep and hard ways has been challenging.  Realizing that my life is like a fuel tank, and there's a reason we need to rest each night, and also a reason why we need to recharge at the beginning of the day has helped me become more aware of my constant need for the Lord.

Through all of this refining and waiting, I have been in some sort of a daze and all the while, my boys have truly grown up right before my eyes, while I was unaware of it.  Just in the last week or so, Cohen has clinged to his big brother in a way I haven't noticed before.  When he's scared, he reaches for Jaxon.  When he has a question, he asks his brother.  I was told at the gym that the two of them are inseparable and only play with each other.

While I'm so thankful for their friendship and relationship, part of me is already missing when I was their go-to, instead of each other.  Mama is feeling a little bit left out, I guess!

What are some other things that I want to remember?

How Cohen has morphed into a big boy so quickly... getting rid of his binky, potty training himself in 2 days (seriously!), riding and pedaling his big boy bike, and upgrading to a toddler bed and out of his crib.  The crib is still up, waiting to be filled... hint hint Mr. Keith :)

The 3 days Tyler and I spent child-free in Lake of the Ozarks... we celebrated 8 YEARS of marriage!  There are not enough words to thank my parents for watching our boys... it was truly refreshing!

The fun summer we've had despite all the sad... full of lots of time at the swimming pool, days in our backyard and picnics at the park, bike rides, road trips, vacations with family, and we still have another month left.  :)  I'm also SO thankful for the cooler summer this year... last weekend we were in sweatshirts sitting on our deck!  Gorgeous.

Jaxon's dismissal of trains and his obsession with legos and Batman, especially if the two of those things are combined!  I've found myself encouraging him to play with his trains again... I never thought I'd miss the sound of Thomas the blue engine, but surprisingly enough, I do.  Sweet boy.

The way I continue to feel when I see old pictures of myself, even from a year ago after I had already made some progress!  I've been pretty faithful and consistent, still going to the gym 2-4 times a week, and am overall just thankful for the gift of health and my new lifestyle.

My deep deep deep love for my husband, and how our relationship has only grown through this trial and dry season of our lives.  In the last few years, he has really stepped into this role of "protector" for me.  I have seen the way he way he defends me and continues to put his family first and I really couldn't be more grateful for him... now, to do a better job of showing it.  :)

I'm ready to jump back into blogging, holding nothing back.  I'm sure I've lost a few friends along the way, but here I go again.

I love looking back through the archives of this "online diary", and don't want to lose my chance at continuing to fill the folders with memories.  Life continues to blow by me at crazy speeds, and if I'm not careful, I'm going to miss it.

Little blessings.

((inspired by my Sister's recent gratitude post))

First and foremost, for grace.  I do not deserve the way I am loved by the Lord and by my boys.  I can go to bed feeling like I've completely failed that day, yet each morning brings consistent reminders of His faithfulness and love for me. 

For one on one time while Jaxon was away for his first sleepover.  I was reminded how easy it was to "just" have one child... ha! 

For peace and quiet, even if it's for a few minutes.  I'll take what I can get these days! 

For early morning snuggles with this boy.  His cheeks are so incredibly soft and kissable, I hope that never goes away. 

For the beautiful days here and there, though few and far between lately!

For my role as Wife and Mom.   

For the realization of how precious life really is.  My Uncle went into full cardiac arrest this week and was put into a medically induced coma for 2 days.  He is now awake, though still intubated, but can respond to yes/no questions and is clearly not a fan of a tube being down his throat.  Between that and the Boston Marathon bombing... life is precious.  

For surprise and unexpected Family Days... and Lego Land.  :)  I am grateful for Tyler's boss who values family and told him to take a day off after being away in Colorado for 10 days.  Our day together was needed and SO enjoyed.  

For beautiful sunrises and the chance to spend a week with a friend who needed me.  It meant being away from my husband for another 7 days, but I'm thankful that I was able to go and be there when I was wanted and needed. 

For the little things... the way Cohen makes a ginormous mess under any table we eat at.  I know it won't be this way forever, and when he's 18 and eats with a fork (hopefully), I will look back and smile.  For now, I just leave an extra tip. 

For the absolutely great memories I was flooded with while driving by my old childhood home.  I am so thankful for every part of my story, it makes me who I am today. 

For coffee shops.  I love how recharged I feel when I leave.

For sunshine and boys toys.  His excitement about life is contagious. 

For another chance at a family day, this time spending it with our close friends.  This was our last "hoorah" with them as they moved away last week.  This transition has been so hard for me, it is the first time I've been "left behind".  When you move 7 times in 6 years, you're always the one leaving, so this is all new to me.  I trust that the Lord will once again prove himself faithful in bringing me another person to share my day to day life with, but for now I am just reminding myself how incredibly blessed I am to have Andrea and the amazing friendship we share.  Now we simply share it from 4 hours apart.

(wiping away my tears)  

For my sexy man husband.  I love this guy, and being away from him so much this month has only amplified my appreciation for him. 

For our church.  I have been swamped with responsibilities here lately, between helping design our new logo and website, photographing the staff, Women's Ministry planning, and so much more... yet I leave every time feeling fulfilled.  Work in the church is hard, and chaotic at times, but so rewarding.

For the unique child he is.  3 hats and a horse... why not!? 

For the way I can still hear him giggling underneath that cart.  It's obviously the best way to ride around Mommy's favorite red store! 

Thank you, Jesus, for my little blessings.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!

  His faithful love endures forever.

Psalm 107:1