I'm trying my hardest.

This week has proved to be another busy one, and I'm so thankful for the times we have at home to just hang out together and play trains.

I am trying my hardest to not "wish away" these hard toddler days, as I hear on a daily basis how quickly they will pass.  It's hard to see beyond this tough season with the boys, even though I know it's not a permanent one.  One day I'm going to wake up and they will no longer be interested in trains.  It will be Legos.  Then superheros.  Then friends.  Then girls....

I'm trying my hardest to soak in these long days... feeling like I'm more of a railroad track maintenance woman instead of a Mom, as I fix the tracks hundreds of times a week, and change batteries as if my life depended on it.

I'm trying my hardest to speak to them in a gentle, caring way.  To encourage them and recognize the good and not so much of the bad.  To discipline with love, and to tell them every night before they fall asleep how much I adore them.

I'm really trying my hardest.  And on nights that I feel like I've completely failed, I see grace in their eyes when they wake up the next morning and give me another chance to be better.

Inching our way to 4.

Earlier this month, this boy turned 3 1/2.  Aka, closer to 4 than 3.  

Insert mommy freak out moment.

He makes me laugh and smile a lot.  I can feel a little bit of relief (as so many promised) the closer we're inching to 4, as he knows most of his boundaries and is beginning to understand them.

Naps are slowly dwindling as we have struggled with a normal bedtime routine since going on our Canada vacation.  He struggles falling asleep at night and gets out of bed multiple times, which probably means he is ready to cut out his afternoon naps, but I can't hardly stand the thought.  Mainly because he WANTS to nap, and of course the (smaller) selfish side of me wanting a couple hours of peace each afternoon.  We'll see what the next few weeks bring... but I have a feeling I know where this is headed.

Sad face.  Happy face.

He's still head over heels for all things trains.  This boy can eat, sleep, drink trains and never tires of them.  We've already watched "Polar Express" (yes, the Christmas movie) about 100 times this month and yet he still wants to watch it again.  In fact, he just asked me again.  "But Mommy, I just say pleeease!?!"

His famous words these days are "maybe someday!"... for example...

J: Mom, I want to hold an elephant someday.

Me: Well, Jax, elephants are too big to hold.

J: Maybe someday!

Other favorite lines "I told you that every time!", "It's not fair!", and a pretend whistle noise to get our attention.

 

The wrestling matches between the boys have most definitely begun.  They are a daily occurrence at our house now, and Tyler tells me to just get used to it. 

I just can't wrap my mind around how fast time has gone.  How does that saying go?

The days are long, but the years are fleeting.

So true... so true. 

Playing catch up.

Have you ever been so behind you don't quite know where to start?

In the last couple weeks I have...
- assisted local photographers at shoots
- lost 2 more pounds
- spent a weekend in Iowa with family, staying up way too late and having a ton of fun
- photographed a wedding
- spent some time with sweet friends + their kids
- chased hamsters all over my house and SOLD THEM...praise the Lord
- drowned in editing pictures
- nursed a sick husband and boy back to health ("nursed" in a non-literal way)
- exercised a lot
- met with Cohen's speech therapist
- fixed train tracks x1000
- met with our Pastor about some new leadership roles
- prayed a lot about our future
- allergies. allergies. allergies.
- went to a "back to school" swimming bash
- frequented the bike trails
...and the list could go on and on but I won't bore you.

I have really been digging deep in the Word lately and have been challenged as I feel like the Holy Spirit is making me more aware of my "road blocks" that tie me up throughout the day.... jealousy, discontentment, comparison, anger, a bad attitude, and just a general feeling sorry for myself attitude.  I hear it a lot, but the whole mindset of thanking God for what you DO have instead of focusing on what you DON'T really does wonders for my soul.

We have a lot of big(ish) changes coming up and more than ever I'm just thankful for my husband who is a faithful prayer partner.  I know that He is really chasing after the Lord's heart in our decisions, and nothing is more valuable than that.

I kinda love that man.

Also, super random, but sometimes I have this huge desire to sell everything I own and then redecorate my house.  Wait... that probably doesn't fall in line with the "focus on what you DO have" mantra, but am I the only one who gets this sudden urge to completely change/revamp your style?

Also, super random, the weather has been amaaaaazing lately.  You know it's a little pathetic when you're excited about 80 degree temps, but 80 is so much more enjoyable than 110.  I cannot wait for fall.

One last random thing...  My hubby really wants me to sell our cloth diapers, so if anyone is interested, please let me know!  (They are bumGenius 4.0's in snaps)  I haven't touched on this subject, but we haven't been able to use them because of an...issue...Cohen has, so they might as well be put to good use.  As long as you don't mind me crying as I hand them over to you.  You know how much I loved those things.

What's new with you guys?

Choose Famous Footwear.

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Famous Footwear for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

I remember "back to school" shopping each year... the new folders, new pens, new paper, new clothes, and of course, the new shoes.  Growing up in a family of 4 kids I can't even imagine how much my parents spent just trying to get us ready for the school year, and I know I'll be down that road with my boys before I even realize it.  You know me and sales, we go together like coffee and creamer.  Famous Footwear has some great deals going on right now that I think all of you Moms will want to hear about.

Famous Footwear has all of the popular shoe brands, and if you find a pair while you're there but they don't have the right size in stock, they ship it directly to your home.  And if you'd rather shop online, you can do that too!  They will ship your shoes to your local store, free of charge.  The shopping experience is easy and painless... exactly the way I like it to be.

Not only do they have all of the cute and popular brands, but right now they are running a back to school special.  Not only are the shoes BOGO half off, but they are also offering an extra 15% off your total.  If you sign up to become a rewards member, that 15% off gets bumped up to 20% off.  And why not?  With all the FREE advantages of becoming a rewards member, it just makes sense.

BOGO + 15% off Famous Footwear Coupon is good until August 18.  If you're ready to start shopping, stop by a Famous Footwear store today, or visit them online at www.famousfootwear.com

Happy Shopping! 

Sweet sound.

I remember them saying it so clearly...

"don't worry, your second born will talk so much faster than your first."

I didn't blog about it much, but some of you may already know that Jaxon saw a speech therapist for a short time while we lived in Texas.  He was 18 months old and speaking "baby babble"... we referred to it as chinese.  He would go on and on and on, yet we had no idea what he was saying.  Eventually, after a couple sessions with a therapist and LOTS of at-home work, it all worked out.  And of course now, he never shuts up.

:)

Cohen is a little bit older, and says 2 words.  "No" and "Ah?".  When we had his 18 month check-up months ago, the doctor expressed a little bit of concern and referred us to a speech therapist.  Again, this process was not new for us after going through it with Jaxon, but there's a few differences this time.

First off, it's paid for by the state.  Free help that comes to your home and hangs out with you and your child once a week... why not?!  The ladies who came recently to evaluate him and determine if he qualified, said his non-verbal communication is 100%.  He can clearly tell me his wants/needs, but without saying it.  His motor skills are all beyond where they should be at 22 months, and they had no concerns about his development at all, besides the obvious one.

I am so thrilled.  Deep down I know there is nothing wrong with him, I just need help to learn how to teach him to SAY what he wants, instead of show me.  Honestly, this speech therapist is coming as much for me as she is for Cohen.  I need the help too, because Lord knows we have our frustrating moments that he doesn't know how to say what he wants, and I have no idea what his needs are either.

People keep telling me to not look forward to the day he talks, because then it never stops.  But at this point, nothing would make me happier than to hear his little voice.

I really have no idea what it sounds like, and I can't wait for that sweet sound to be heard.

A change: week 9

First off, can I just say a big thank you to all of you who commented last week with ideas to help me during this plateau, and for the many many words of encouragement.  It meant SO much to me, so thank you. 

Weight Gain/Loss:  -2... (-14 total)  Eeeeeck!!! 

Exercise this week:  I switched it up quite a bit this week and added a lot of weights.  5 out of 7 days I worked out at the gym, and the 6th day I went on a bike ride with my boys.  I also worked with a trainer yesterday, she chatted with me a few days ago and wanted to give me some new ideas.  I loved it!

Overall health: I feel good.  Clothes now fit me properly, or are getting too big.  I bought a dress a few months ago for my cousins wedding and could only wear it once, because I tried to wear it to church last week and it was too big.  That's a great feeling, except only being able to wear it once.  :) 

Hardest thing this week: Saturday I had a horrible eating day.  I went to Body Pump at the gym that morning, and didn't get a protein shake afterwards like I normally do.  Unfortunately this sent my body into "starvation mode" all day long, and I really ate horrible.  It's true what they say, that you HAVE TO eat by 30-45 minutes after your work out, or you will be paying for it all day long.  I love getting a protein shake after each session for this very reason.  It's a healthy meal replacement, plus it keeps me from devouring everything in sight the rest of the day.

Overall thoughts:  I'm so thankful that I've had the determination to stick with it, even when it gets hard and I don't see the results I want to.  The Lord is really teaching me so much through this, and I'm so grateful. 

This coming week: This weekend might be a hard one, because I'll be gone for the next 4 days for a wedding and won't have as much exercise as I normally do.  I'll have to be really careful about my food intake.

How about the rest of you that are on this journey... how did you do this week?

Monday brain dump.

Trying to find a balance between my daily responsibilities, exercising, maintaining a home, still speaking to friends, seeing my husband in passing, putting on my photographer hat, AND being a Mom has been a challenge in the last few weeks... unfortunately I feel like I'm barely succeeding at any of them, which is extra frustrating.

I don't like to just give 25% of myself to something.  I want to give all or nothing... and somehow I need to learn to balance these responsibilities better.

This post is sponsored by lack of sleep.

:)

On a positive note, we had a fun weekend.  Friday afternoon Tyler got sent home from work early, so I took off and had a 3 hour coffee date with my best friend.  We don't see each other nearly often enough, but when we do, it's just a matter of picking up where we left off.  It's one of those friendships that no matter how busy we are, our friendship remains.  I'm thankful for that stability.

Saturday I went to a pump class while Tyler took Jaxon to the Home Depot kids workshop.  This boy makes my heart swell with pride each time he goes... he can't wait to come home and show Momma what he made "for me" and I love that he gets one-on-one time with his Daddy as well.  I fully anticipated Cohen being a mess at the gym without his big brother by his side, but he held his own quite well.

We had my nephew + nieces overnight Saturday as well, so it was a full house, but seriously?  These cousins are the best friends ever to my boys.  I love that they get to grow up together and how much fun they have.

Sunday wrapped up our weekend with a church picnic at the lake, followed by a wedding that I photographed in the afternoon.  It was a last minute gig, as they called and booked at 9pm the night before, but I was happy to accept!  With another wedding coming up this weekend, I appreciate all the practice I can get.

Grocery shopping ended our weekend, but not without a trip to Sonic for a diet coke and ice cream cone for Jax, who has self-declared himself "Mommy's buddy."  Of course, this was after the ice cream cone was already finished.

Even when it's busy, life is sweet.

Feeling defeated.

Remember that game we used to play as kids when your Mom would pick up a pile of sticks, and whoever had the shortest stick was handed the scrub brush for the toilet?

I feel like I got handed the short stick with the body I've been given.

You're probably rolling your eyes by now, or thinking "oh brother, here we go again".... but it's true.  It's really how I feel.

As much as I know deep down that God loves us EQUAL and the same, I can't help but wish He would have made us look that way.  You know, all different on the inside, but with the same body type.  (I also wish you could hear my semi-sarcasm as I type that...)

And as much as I know deep down that everyone has insecurities and things they don't like about themselves, I can't help but wish mine were less obvious.

About the many ways I hate my body.  How I work out...HARD...6 days out of the week and am soaked from head to toe afterwards.  How I push myself when I so desperately want to quit.  How I do not consume more than 1200 calories a day.  How I watch every thing that goes into my body and track it.  How it's all I can think about some days... and how unfair it is that there's actually some people that don't have to worry about this.

The worst part about it is, I actually hid my feelings of insecurity and shame better when I wasn't working out and trying so hard.  Because then, I at least knew why I was overweight.  I understood it was because I was making unhealthy choices, and knew my body and my tight clothes were a product of those decisions.  But now... now, when I'm working HARD... when it consumes me... when I track every bite I take?  Now is when I should see some payoff.  Now is when I should be feeling success. But I'm not... the scale remains in the same place it did 2 weeks ago.

I feel defeated.

I watch commercials while I'm at the gym advertising weight loss pills.  Weight loss meals.  Weight loss bands.  It feels especially hard when people all around me are doing these things (the cheater way) and finding temporary success.  But yet... they are the ones losing while I stay the same.

And as much defeat as I feel, I have to remind myself that this is a lifestyle change.  Theirs is a temporary and expensive loss.  Mine is hard, really hard, and a lot of times I hate it... but it's the right way.

Maybe it's something with my body... maybe it's something that I need to have checked out... maybe I'm just plateauing.

Maybe the Lord is teaching me perseverance. 

And that is why I will continue on.

As much as I want to quit, as much as I want to pretend to not care, as much as I want to give up...

I will press on toward the goal.

I know I need to surrender these feelings to the foot of the cross.  I know I have to learn to see the beauty in myself, and not in the numbers on the scale.  I know I have to walk in the confidence God has given me, of the person He's made me to be.

And while, deep down, I know these things... I too often find myself forgetting.

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

Galations 6:9