The binky... and babies.

Sunday morning at 4am, Tyler and I were both awake roaming the entire house looking for a binky for our screaming 2 year old.  Extremely frustrated by the time we finally found one, we decided in that very moment that Cohen was no longer getting a binky.

Nap time rolled around, and per his usual routine, little guy asked for his "bee-bee".  I know there's a lot of ways out there to get your child off of his pacifier, but for both of my boys, I simply just told them the binky was gone.  I explained he was a big boy now, and there were no more binky's... after a little bit of protest, he asked me to rock him to sleep and I gladly obliged.

I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't cry as he fell asleep in my arms, without a pacifier.  27 months have flown by in the blink of an eye and I can't believe my youngest child has outgrown another significant "baby" item.

I was already having an emotional day, but the reality of not having any more babies in the house that need a pacifier really started to set in.  I'm fairly confident I might even feel the same way after we begin potty training and I change the last diaper.

And since we're on the subject and I now feel like there's an elephant in the room, let's chat.

When I was pregnant with Jaxon, I wanted a girl.  When I was pregnant with Cohen, I wanted a girl.  The Lord has a sense of humor giving me two boys.

I feel silly even giving this disclaimer, but I can see how some people would read into this the wrong way, so I'll say it anyway.  Of course I wouldn't trade my two boys for girls, of course I love my two boys with all of my heart, and at this point I wouldn't have it any other way.

But, undeniably so, I still want a girl.  Not for the bows and polka dots and cute outfits, but for the adult Mom & Daughter relationship.  The one that I have with my Mom, where we chat multiple times a week on the phone and she's the first person I call when I have something exciting or sad to share.  I want that relationship with a daughter.  I don't always want to be the Mom-in-law, and I don't want to be the mother of the groom and never the mother of the bride... I want that wedding dress shopping, daughter having babies and calling me for advice kind-of relationship.

However, at this point, my husband is not on the same page.  Deep down, I'd like to think that if money wasn't an issue, he'd be much more open to having more kids.  But the reality is, money IS an issue, babies are A LOT of work, kids are expensive, and chances are we'd end up with another boy.  :)

We have had multiple conversations about it recently, because even if I were to get pregnant TODAY, the baby and Cohen would be 3 years apart.  And then you have to wonder if our third child would feel left out, since Jaxon and Cohen are so close in age.  And we're not having 4 kids.

So many things to take into consideration, but as of right now, my husband is done and I am not.  We end each of our baby conversations with "let's continue to pray about it", fully believing the Lord will change one of our hearts.

Either I will find complete peace in our family of four, boy mom status, or the mud will be removed from Tyler's eyes to see the light and he'll change his mind.  Ha!

In all reality, I can see myself living a perfectly happy life with the family we have now.  Most days, I am seriously content with my sweet little family.  I will continue to trust the Lord for healthy and deep relationships with my boys, and if I can be honest with you, the thought of being outnumbered scares me quite a bit.

There's still so much to be decided, and I find complete comfort knowing I don't have to have it all figured out... as much as I'd like to.  :)

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;

    you formed me in my mother’s womb.

I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!

    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!

    I worship in adoration—what a creation!

You know me inside and out,

    you know every bone in my body;

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,

    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.

Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;

    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,

The days of my life all prepared

    before I’d even lived one day.

Psalm 139:16 (msg)

Authenticity.

I've been thinking this week a lot about how often I compliment other women, and how hard it's become.

It's a difficult thing to do, don't you think?  Behind a computer screen, it's easier.  I've told my husband on and off throughout the years that I feel closer to a lot of my blog friends than I do to people in real life.  Not because my friends are bad people, but I'm really starting to see it in my own life as well, that it's easier for me to compliment, to encourage, to build someone up, behind a computer screen than it is in person.

I used to think that I was a good encourager, and while I don't think I'm awful at it, I have also gotten sloppy in the last year or so.  Jealousy creeps into my heart and when I see a friend that has lost weight, bought a new house, or just simply looks extra beautiful that day, I struggle more than normal to compliment her. 

The sin of comparison is a big reason behind this, wouldn't you agree?  "It's not fair that she gets a brand new house..." or "why does she always look put together while I look tired and sloppy?"  We each have our own battles we fight, and the person that I am jealous of has struggles of her own.  She may be caught in a trap of comparison herself, struggling to be content as well, but from my limited perspective she seems to have it all together.

A lot of times a simple, authentic, compliment can really change someone's attitude and the way they may be feeling.  I can think of so many times that I was having a crummy day, and felt like a friend really swooped in to save the day, just by taking a second to lift me up.  Knowing what a big difference encouragement does in my own heart, it should come more natural for me to do the same to others.

I want to do a better job of sharing an encouraging thought when it comes to mind, instead of holding it back.  To realize the importance of my words, and become aware of my presence when someone is having a tough day.  I want to really take note of what encourages me, and go out of my way to do the same for another person.  Most importantly, I want to love with my whole heart, not just when I'm feeling like it... the way Christ has called us to.  (Romans 12:10)

Life is so much sweeter when it's shared with people that are genuinely on your side.  Who are authentic in their praise and love for you... the ones who truly share in your joy.  

I want to be a friend like that.  

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thess 5:11

Hello Monday.

Hello Monday... we had an amazing PRODUCTIVE weekend!  The weather was beautiful on Saturday and Tyler spent the majority of the day outside with the boys while I cleaned and did laundry like a maniac.  Deep cleaned, ladies.  It felt so good, and Sunday I was able to spend the afternoon napping and also watched a movie, guilt free!  Love. 

Hello girls night coming up this weekend, as well as a dinner date (soon, hopefully!) with my BFF!  I just need to squeeze a date night in there as well, and I'll be set.

Hello spontaneous trip to my parents house last week.  It was a quick visit, just a night, but it did my body good!  I love spending time with my Mama... and scoring some wicked shopping deals.  :)

Hello beginning to plan Jaxon's 4th birthday next month!  I've decided to do "big" parties every other year going forward, so this will be a low key pizza and cake get together with family.  I don't know why I feel guilty about not having a big event... I'm trying to just enjoy it instead of spending so much money and time in party details.

Hello losing another 10 pounds since this post... 44 pounds lost.  One of my new years goal is to not lose any more weight, but to lose the body fat.  Right now I'm at 35%, and I need to be between 20-25%.  Don't confuse body fat with BMI percentage, that thing is a joke.  Body fat is simply the fat on your body versus the muscle. 

Hello more sleep issues with Jaxon.  He did *so* good for a couple weeks and I totally chalked it up to cutting out the Red Dye, and yet last night he was up from 1:30am-4am.  Wide awake.  During this time, he managed to turn the tv on, play downstairs, find the iPad that we always hide before bed and watch movies, helped himself to a piece of toast that was left out on the counter (no butter or anything on it..yuck), AND worst of all... let Charlie out of her kennel.  He says "but Mom, I just wanted someone to watch the movie with me."  Ha!!  So of course at this point, we know there's pee somewhere in the house, since he didn't take her outside, and ask him if she peed anywhere.  He says "yes, on the chair... but I cleaned it up with a napkin."  Of course now my recliner is stained (hopefully it will come out with a little elbow grease) and the 'napkin' he used was a single square of toilet paper.  So that's helpful.

Hello feeling downright discouraged about parenting.  I just feel so unequipped and incapable.  While I know those are lies and I'm choosing to not believe them, today has been especially tough.

Hello slloowww photography season.  I'm trying to remember it will start picking up again soon, but it's getting sad.  Anyone need some Valentines Day pictures?  :)

Hello two boys who desperately need haircuts this week. 

Hello another cup of coffee calling my name.  With a night like last night, I need some fuel for the rest of the day!

What are you saying hello to this week?

Well, hey there.

I'd say if my blog isn't a true reflection of my life, then I'm not sure what else is!  It's been quiet around these parts, because well, life has been quiet.

I'm having a hard time jumping back into the swing of things after all of the holiday fun, and after talking to a few of my friends it seems like I'm not the only one.  If there's such a thing as "post holiday depression" I think I have it.  It took me over a week to unpack our suitcases after traveling (UNHEARD of for me... denial?) and my days have mostly consisted of taking a puppy outside 10x an hour, going to the gym to punch out some stress, and just hanging with my boys.  Each day gets better as I continue to push myself to get re-involved with my friends and church responsibilities, but man... mentally, it's been a rough couple weeks.

There's so much to be thankful for, if we will take the time to look around and see it.  Yesterday, I realized how thankful I am for my washing machine.  Goodness, I hate laundry.  But it could be so much worse.  Also, for my 3 year old who all of the sudden asks me for a kiss multiple times an hour.  (even if he does still call me 'Mom'.  sigh...)

Today, I'm thankful for another day.  Another adventure.  I trust that He is with me in every moment, even when I don't feel it.

What about you - what are you thankful for today?

Meet Charlie.

Tyler and I used to have a couple chihuahua's before we had kids.  They were our babies, but once our real babies came, they became a real annoyance.  Anyone who knows Chihuahua's would agree.  They are whiny and needy and they crawl all over you, NOT helpful when you're trying to nurse a baby.  I always remember my brother telling me they weren't real dogs... and a lot of people would agree.

We found them a new home with a family member and everyone is happy - so don't call PETA on me.

Tyler and I started talking about adding a dog to our family once Jaxon started asking for one.  He has always LOVED dogs, and for over a year now begs us at random times to get one.  My inlaws Hungarian Vizsla got pregnant around Thanksgiving time, and when Papa jokingly said that one of the puppies would be coming to live with us for Christmas, we really started considering it.

If you've never heard of this breed, don't worry, I hadn't either until 6 years ago when I met my Father-in-law.  They are amazing dogs.  A pointer breed and typically amazing hunters, but also family dogs.  They are often described as lap dogs, even though at full grown they weigh 40+ pounds.

The idea started getting a little more serious the more we talked about it.  Life is fairly calm right now, we have a fenced in back yard, the boys are old enough to help some (no seriously, Jaxon took them outside this morning!), and if we got a puppy, she would be able to grow up with the boys.  The idea of having a dog who protects, plays, and comforts my boys is what ultimately sold me on this whole thing.

Of course, having a puppy isn't easy.  We are crate training her, so that does make it a little easier, but my days mostly consist of taking her outside multiple times an hour, letting her play, cleaning up accidents, taking her back outside, then putting her back in the kennel.  I'm not in denial saying this is the easiest thing I've ever done, but so far, it's been tolerable.

We have big dreams for this sweet girl... we want her to be primarily an indoor dog, but not so domesticated that she can't be outside without crying (hello Chihuahua!) or even sleep outside on warm nights.  We want her to be playful and fun.  We want her to protect our home, but be trained enough to not jump on people or bark non-stop when visitors come.  We want a good dog... and I know that requires lots of training.  Luckily, we're game.

So, welcome to our family, sweet Charlie girl.

2012 in review.

2012 was, by far, our most uneventful year yet.  And I say that with complete gratitude for the stability we had, and the Lord's never ending faithfulness in our lives.

No pregnancies, no babies, no job loss/change, no moves across the country.  Just lots and lots of fun.  :)

January

Set my 2012 goals // Tyler worked 7 day work weeks // Bought our Traverse // Cohen started walking // Celebrated my 26th birthday

February

Celebrated Jaxon's 3rd birthday // Redecorated Master bedroom // Started Facebook fast for Lent // Went on a Valentines Date

March

Staycation downtown KC with Tyler // I was sick for 9 days // Flew to AZ to photograph my cousins wedding // Cohen's personality starting to really shine (18 months)

April

Celebrated Easter in Iowa // Ground breaking at church // Went to Marriage Retreat

May

 Mothers Day // Bought a new camera // Started exercising and dieting // Jaxon enrolled in sports program at the gym

June

Started 5k training // Fathers Day // Lead worship at Women's Retreat // Spent lots of time outside

July 

Family vacation with my family to Canada // Celebrated 7 years of marriage // Tyler turns 26 // Officially launched Megan Keith Photography // lots of family bike rides

August 

Cohen started speech therapy // Shot 2 weddings // Very hot and dry summer // Met with our Pastor about some new leadership roles

September 

Started being able to run 3 miles consistently // Busy with fall photo shoots // Redecorated basement // Jaxon's sleep schedule started getting bad

October

My first 5k! // 2nd shot weddings for 5 weeks in a row // Cohen turns 2 // Halloween and Fall Festival fun // Started being able to run 4-5 miles consistently // Hit weight loss goal

November

Busy 2nd shooting weddings // Took Women's Ministry leader position at church // Ran a 10k!! // Still busy with fall photo shoots // Iowa for Thanksgiving // Cut out Red Dye from boys' diets // Redecorated the Living Room

December

Loved everything about Christmas season // Our puppy was born // Had family pictures taken // Spent time with both of our families // Took boys to Union Station to see Polar Express

Happy New Year!! 

I can't wait to see what the next year brings!  We continue to pray for the Lord's direction in our lives, and look forward to what's ahead.  I am filled with expectation for all that is planned for us.  I find such peace knowing the Lord already has it all worked out for our good!

Clinging to my life verse as we look forward:
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:12)

Happy 2013!

(See my recaps of 2010 and 2011)