A few weeks ago my Momma and I were chatting about this decision I was trying to make, trying to decide if I could justify finding out the sex of this child with the hubs while I was going to be out in Denver visiting him or wait a few weeks longer and pay nothing (hello, insurance!) and find out alone. Okay, not alone, because a-bazillion people have told me they would love to go with me, but without my husband. You know, not having the whole "holding hands while we look at this amazing creation and miracle full of anticipation finding out whether there is a penis on-board or not." Anyway, my Dad suggested that we should just wait and find out when the baby is born. "Are you kidding me? Do you not know your daughter? I do not do surprises. I hate them." was my reply ... to which my Mom said "isn't that your life right now? A big giant surprise? Not knowing anything about your future at this point?" Ha... thanks for pointing that one out. I said, "yeah, doesn't mean I have to like it NOR would I choose it, if it was up to me."
We decided to find out together because honestly, money is not everything and I really want to cherish every moment I can when I'm with my husband. We found out we are having another BOY !!! There is such a special place in my heart for boys, they love their momma's! I cannot wait to see Jaxon be a big brother, be best friends with his little brother, and to meet this amazing miracle in October.
Life, even though it's completely upside-down right now, is good. Jaxon and I are currently out in Denver visiting Tyler right now, and even though we are living out of a suitcase and our home is a hotel, we are cherishing every moment we get as a family. Each night once Tyler is off work we find something fun to do, even if it's just driving around gawking at the weird people and beautiful mountains, we are together. I love being here with him ... it just makes life feel halfway normal again. Come next Tuesday when I'm boarding the plane to leave, I may have something else to say on this subject.
We got an offer on our house that we are super excited about, and now we are just waiting for the bank to approve the offer and then they will give us a close date that we have to be out of the house by. (it's typically 30-45 days after approval) I am grateful to have my parents and inlaws who have both said they will come out and help this poor pregnant lady pack up a 4-bedroom house. If that tugged at your heart, even just a little, know you are welcome to come join me anytime day or night and help me pack. Cuz seriously, packing 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, a garage, a sub-basement, 2 living rooms, etc ... makes me a little sick to my stomach. Oh, while watching a 16 month old whose life's purpose and goal is to destroy and undo anything I just did. And where am I going to load and move all of these things? That is a really good question. To which I do not have an answer for.
I try not to complain. I really do. And I think I do a decent job of not complaining. But not knowing where we are going to be living in a month or two, being pregnant and not knowing where I am going to give birth to this baby, and feeling so ... alone? It sounds strange, because I'm not alone. My parents, my inlaws, my extended family, my small group & church, my friends, have been nothing but amazing. I know I have a lot of options for where Jaxon and I could live for a few months. But I don't want to be without my husband. But at the same time, I don't want to move 12 hours away from my current home, just to move again weeks after I have a baby.
What would you do? No, seriously. I want to know. Move and unpack, just to move again very shortly after having a c-section... or maybe we won't have to move, if the hubs gets hired directly on after his contract ends. So would you risk it? Or would you move your things to a storage facility and roam from home to home until you have a definite answer as to what direction your husband's job will take you and then go from there? Tyler obviously wants us out here, and I want to be here too, but I don't know. There is too much at stake and being 12 hours from our family and any kind of support system makes me really hesitant.
Regardless I am thankful for a God who continues to show his love and mercy every day. He wraps his arms around me in my down times and comforts me in my alone and scary times. He has poured his love into our lives so many times in the last 6 months, I have lost count. He has proven that he is faithful; never going to leave us or forsake us. He has taught us how to trust and lean on others. And for all of that, I am so thankful.
You deserve an award if you made it through this post. I apologize if you are now depressed after reading this, ha!
As always we appreciate and covet the prayers that are being said for us ... so thank you for that.
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