My thoughts.

I'm a little bit of a homebody.  I could easily stay home with no company for days (maybe even a week) at a time.  My boys seem to be the complete opposite of me, so we tend to be on the go at least once a day, whether it's to the gym or just to "Mommy's favorite red store" to walk around.

The shooting in CT a few days ago has rocked me to my core as I have sat and weeped for the broken families, the shoes that will never be worn again, the Christmas gifts that will never be opened, the car seats that will never be filled, and for the gaping hole in the parents hearts that will never be made whole again.

Moments like those make me want to stay in my homebody shell, with doors locked, where no one can hurt us... where I feel safe and secure.  I can honestly say homeschooling never crossed my mind until Friday when I started thinking "hmm, maybe I could do it..."

As I was sitting on the couch with tears pouring out of my eyes, threatening to never leave our home and never expose my kids to the evil of this world, I was reminded where my hope is.  This earth is not our forever home.  I can not (and will not) live in a bubble because of fear.  The Lord knows when and where he will take my family to Heaven, and there's nothing I can do to stop his timing.

As much as I'd like to think I can, or wish I can, I know that His plan is ALWAYS better than my own.  So once again today, as I wake up in a state of fear and panic for the world my boys are growing up in, I lay it down at His feet.  God, I say that I trust you.

Loved this prayer I read, by Max Lucado:

Dear Jesus,

It's a good thing you were born at night. This world sure seems dark. I have a good eye for silver linings. But they seem dimmer lately.

These killings, Lord. These children, Lord. Innocence violated. Raw evil demonstrated.

The whole world seems on edge. Trigger-happy. Ticked off. We hear threats of chemical weapons and nuclear bombs

. Are we one button-push away from annihilation?

Your world seems a bit darker this Christmas. But you were born in the dark, right? You came at night. The shepherds were nightshift workers. The Wise Men followed a star. Your first cries were heard in the shadows. To see your face, Mary and Joseph needed a candle flame. It was dark. Dark with Herod's jealousy. Dark with Roman oppression. Dark with poverty. Dark with violence.

Herod went on a rampage, killing babies. Joseph took you and your mom into Egypt. You were an immigrant before you were a Nazarene.

Oh, Lord Jesus, you entered the dark world of your day. Won't you enter ours? We are weary of bloodshed. We, like the wise men, are looking for a star. We, like the shepherds, are kneeling at a manger.

This Christmas, we ask you, heal us, help us, be born anew in us.