Many of you already know that I love music. Any kind of music actually, but specifically the worship genre. Growing up in a musically talented home probably contributed a lot to this... being involved in every kind of choir, worship team, and band that I could find most likely did as well. My Dad was a worship leader in our church growing up, and I was proud to follow in his footsteps. I lead worship for our youth group (and for our church congregation from time to time) for 2 years before graduating, then my plan was to attend Mid America Nazarene University and get my degree in music ministry. I'd graduate 4 years later with a great, high-paying degree (ha!), debt free of course (double ha!), lead worship in a church, and live happily ever after.
Except, that didn't happen. Less than a month before I was scheduled to leave Iowa and go to MNU and room with my best friend, I attended a worship conference in Colorado Springs called Desperation. While we were there, I could not ignore the Lord's voice and signs clearly leading me to New Life School of Worship. Putting all of my previous plans aside, taking a huge risk, not knowing a soul in Colorado... I decided to go.
I loved...LOVED...my time there. I learned SO much from some of the best worship leaders in our country. I lead worship by myself once a week in the prayer center, and made some amazing friendships along the way. One of my professors (who was also the worship Pastor), took me under his wing. He encouraged me in my abilities and spoke some truth into my life that I too often forget.
All of this to say, Monday night I am leading worship for our small group. A group of 7 couples who Tyler and I love like a second family. People we've journeyed along for the past couple years... who have been with us in our ups and downs and anywhere in-between. These people are some of our greatest friends.
But, here's the truth.
I am scared ...to ... death to lead worship for them next week.
You see, normally my role is one of a supporter. Our worship Pastor {who is also a close friend of ours and also apart of our small group} is great, and I love serving on Sunday mornings alongside him. Did you catch that? Alongside him... leading worship by myself is terrifying to me.
I told a friend recently that I keep coming up with every excuse in the book to not lead. Maybe I'll conveniently catch the flu next Monday... or maybe I'll just be honest and explain that I'm not comfortable doing it by myself.
Of course, just as I'm starting to make those things a reality, the Lord reminds me that I can do this. I have the training, I have the experience... AND He will equip me for whatever I need.
You see, my voice is not perfect... in fact, it's far from it. Out of all the students and the major talent at School of Worship, I was definitely far from being the best. I have a horrible excuse for a good vocal range. I am extremely self conscious... I am insecure in my voice. But I will tell you, my heart is in it. I love to lead worship, NOT because of the spotlight or the attention, but because I love to worship. I love the art in leading worship. I love to try and create an atmosphere where people can let go and just spend time with Jesus. Most of all -- I love how it has NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with Him.
So no... I'm not the best. Far from it.
But, I am trusting in Him to take my best and give me everything else I need.
I believe that I will be blessed for my efforts.
I am hopeful that it will be a deep and meaningful time.
And I'm praying for the hearts of those friends who will be there with me.
What about you? If you're comfortable sharing, what is something that you're afraid (or even terrified) of doing, yet you clearly feel called to? Even if means leaving an "anonymous" comment, I'd love to hear from you. Maybe just saying it out loud will give you the boost you need to get it done.
I love sharing my journey with you guys. Thanks for reading.
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
I loved hearing your background. And seriously. You'll do great, hon. If you're heart is in something and you have Him, you CAN do this!
ReplyDeleteAs much as I want to, I am terrified of finishing my novel. Maybe someday . . .
Thanks for sharing, Molly!! I am SO confident in your writing abilities... can't wait to read your novel someday. :)
DeleteI am terrified to pray out loud in front of people! I guess I'm afraid I won't be a "good enough prayer" when others hear me or I won't say what needs to be said. But something I feel called to do is start praying out loud with my husband. I don't know why that is so hard to me, but it is. I appreciate your blog, Megan, and not being afraid to share our fears, especially when we know it's the Lord calling us to come out of our comfort zone to bring Him glory. You've given me a lot of needed courage :)
ReplyDeleteAlso I wanted to say that a couple years ago I was asked to teach a class of 3rd and 5th graders during Wednesday night church. Absolutely terrified, I was...and like you, I tried my hardest to come up with EVERY excuse to get out of it. But felt the urge from God to do it. Well I did it, and it actually turned out great. And quite honestly I almost wanted to do it again. So I think you'll be just fine :)
If God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it :)
Thanks for the encouragement Becca, and for sharing! Praying with your spouse is such an important thing and I hope the more you do it, the more comfortable you will be. :)
DeleteI used to lead worship at the church that I grew up at, and really enjoyed it. Then, I met Justin and his family, who are all INCREDIBLY talented musically, and kind of took a backseat when it came to leading the music for youth events because they are just a lot more capable than I am in that area. About that same time, Justin made a comment about my singing that wasn't intended to be mean (to the effect that something was out of my range), but it made me really insecure. I'm now a member of the church where Justin's dad is the pastor, and I'm not sure that they even know I used to lead worship. Justin, his brother, my SIL and my sister lead the contemporary service once a month, and sometimes I miss it and think it would be fun to lead with them, but I also kind of feel like if I were good enough to lead worship, I'd probably have been asked, and I haven't. Then again, I don't know if it's something I feel particularly called to either...
ReplyDeleteYes, I can pin-point a time that a friend (or two) made a comment about my vocal range as well which, as much as I don't want to blame them, has made me more aware of that as well.
DeletePraying you can find your way to use your talent again someday!