In fact, they're so important to me, that "words of affirmation" is my #1 love language. My second is "quality time". If you're not familiar with what I'm talking about here's a short break-down. Basically the simple principle is this: everyone feels loved a different way, and finding out how your spouse feels loved, will help you love them better. {that's a whole lotta 'love' for one sentence!} You can take the assessment here.
My husbands love language is "acts of service", second is "receiving gifts". Holy buckets -- completely opposite of me. So you can see where this can be a struggle at times... it does not come natural for him to tell me how beautiful I look or how great of a Mom I am, instead he'll do the dishes for me thinking that's how I'll feel his love. And I can sit and tell him how amazing of a husband he is and how hard of a worker he is, but unless his laundry is done and the house looks nice, he may not fully appreciate those words coming out of my mouth. Make any sense?
The problem with words being so important to me, is that I thrive on them. If someone sends me a text or email full of words of encouragement, you better believe that just made my day. If someone tells me that I look nice, it makes me feel confident in myself. If someone tells me I'm a great Mom, I stop doubting myself... for that day anyway. And the same goes if I don't hear it... if I just slaved for an hour in the kitchen making supper and Tyler doesn't rave about how great dinner was, I feel defeated. If I spend a lot of time trying to look nice for the day, and he doesn't say a word about it, I feel like it was a waste of time.
See the problem here?
I am not sure how to fix this. As corny as it may sound - I know that I need to find my joy, my contentment, my peace, and encouragement in Jesus. He alone is the reason that I live. He alone is the reason I move and breathe. And in him, I will find peace in this too-often discontent heart of mine.
Anyone else struggle with these kinds of feelings? I feel like every day is a battle sometimes.
And now, Lord, what am I waiting for? My hope is in You.
Psalm 39:7
I hear what you are saying for sure. Lucas and I are exact opposites as well, he loves physical touch and when I took the assessment, this was my lowest scoring area :) I think the key is in knowing how each other feels love. Knowing is half the battle right?
ReplyDeleteI also whole-heartedly believe that as couples, we are matched with our husband/wife because he/she brings joy, contentment and peace into our lives. That's why we are instructed in the Bible to have fellowship with others of like-faith. In my opinion, a mutually rewarding marriage is one of the best kinds of fellowship that exists. So making it work definitely matters, and finding fulfillment in that relationship is critical.
You're not alone. You and I and our husbands have the same love languages. (minus gifts, maybe). but yes...words of affirmation/QT and their is acts of service. So basically doing my chores makes him feel loved. It's hard. Let me know when you figure it out.
ReplyDeleteDitto to what you just said. It can be difficult, but I've learned that just being aware of the differences is half the issue. (: By no means are you alone. I am right there with you!
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