Cancellation.

Up and down... Up and down... lots of downs.

I feel like deleting the last post because it just makes me sad.  It brings me to tears reading "I finally feel like I can breathe", because all the sudden, all my air is gone again.  The plans that we thought were happening are no longer.  Exactly a week before Tyler was supposed to be home the company called him and said they no longer have the budgeting for his new job.  Essentially laid-off without even starting.

So that's that.  My husband is no longer coming home, he's still working in Denver ... although now they have given all the contractors a heads-up that they are going to be doing layoffs so I'm not sure how much longer he'll be out there ... maybe a week, maybe two weeks, or maybe he'll be one of the few contractors that gets to stay.  Which leaves us completely back to square one, him looking for a new job and once again praying that somehow we'll be settled and with health insurance by the time late October comes and baby boy #2 arrives.

I just wish I could just have a break from my life.  Jaxon brings such joy to my heart daily, and despite the stress of raising him alone and feeling terrible about him being without his daddy, I find reasons to smile and thank God for the blessings I do have, and try my hardest to focus on the things I don't.

But this weekend is hard.  He was supposed to be home yesterday.  Today we're supposed to be doing nothing, just relaxing and trying to spend every waking second together before he started his new job on Monday.  He's supposed to be laughing and playing with Jaxon while I make our infamous favorite Saturday lunch... mac 'n cheese.  ;)

Thanks for walking along this journey with us ... I know my blog has been pathetic and full of ups and downs... just hang on with me, hopefully sometime soon life will smooth out and just be more UP and not so much DOWN.