Proverbs 19:23
"The fear of the Lord leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble." (NIV)
"Fear of God is life itself, a full life, and serene - no nasty surprises." (MSG)
Let me just admit - I hate being vunerable. I can talk to a friend and just absolutely hate spilling my guts. I could be crying to my husband but still hate telling him the reason for my tears. I also hate being vunerable on the internet, where anyone can read it. But, because I have no other source for venting my frustrations tonight... here goes nothing.
My marriage with Tyler is in a dry spell. I hate admitting that. I love the thought of everyone believing we are happily-ever-after and never face trouble. But, much to my dismay, that is not the truth. Don't get me wrong, overall we are very happy. But every now and then we hit these dry patches in our relationship that cause stress. They cause unhappiness. They cause discontent. And if I were to ask *almost* any married couple, I'm positive that they'd say that they've been there a time or two, or maybe even dozens. Ask me what causes it and I couldn't tell you. It COULD be any of the following reasons, or maybe all of them combined:
- We just moved. That is stressful in itself.
- Not only did we just move, but we bought a house. Again, stressful.
- We are both working many many many hours of OT a week so we don't get to spend much down time together anymore.
- I'm not happy with myself (image-wise), causing me to be sad to begin with.
- I go to bed early because I'm tired which may be because I'm somewhat depressed, meaning we hardly ever go to bed together anymore.
- We wake up at seperate times, leave for work at seperate times, spend the entire day apart, come home at seperate times, and go to bed at seperate times. See a pattern here?
I need some advice. Not just "it'll be alright" kind of advice, but more like what you do when you and your hubby/loved one are in a rut. You know... fighting a lot, walking on thin ice around eachother, not laughing and enjoying your time together like you used to, etc.
So, lets here it! Spill your guts! What do you do? Any advice?
I don't have your email and by glancing right now, I don't see it posted . . . so email me. leah.fontaine@gmail.com
ReplyDeletePlease shoot me an e-mail at winterwed06@gmail.com :)
ReplyDeleteMy best advice is to get out of the house - together. Make it a point to take some time together to do anything fun. Getting out of the house will help since you have a lot of stress associated with that place right now. I'd try and do this at least once a week, until it becomes habit. Once that's down, try and talk about what the issues really are. Make sure to use "me" statements, not "you" statements, because that only causes the defense mechanisms to come out.
ReplyDeleteLastly, try to pray about it as often as you can. Keep your chin up, focus on being positive and problem-solving, and things will turn around sooner or later!
i agree with you - i hate exposing myself to everyone too, and i think there is a real reason that i logged on to your blog tonight for the first time in MONTHS - literally, the last time i was on here was when you were looking at houses.
ReplyDeleteand i agree with you again - every couple (admit it or not) goes through this crap. this is the part where the weak decide they fell out of love and contemplate calling it quits. i'm not sure i'm the subject matter expert on this topic, because i see the same things happening to us and i still absorb my time with kids, work, cleaning (dont worry, that one's last...always last lol), even journaling a little bit about my kids, but never making MORE time for just me and trav. probably because i know that he'll be there...hopefully, i mean, that is the plan afterall, right?
are you being honest with him? i mean really honest? is there something that's bothering you? something that is upsetting you? here's what i'm getting at - like right now, i'm constantly snapping at travis for one reason or another - and the underlying reason for me is that i feel 200% overwhelmed. i am tired, i am working a true full time shift again for the first time in years, i now have two kids, i have to make time for the things for both of them - like the pumping that i have to do 3-4 times a day for 15 minute intervals - literally an hour of my awake time dedicated to pumping - not even NURSING. i know it sounds like i'm ranting, but i'm really just trying to show you my point - i'm tired, i'm pissed, and he finds time to lay on the couch. he's off at 1:30 everyday, picks up the kids and the house is never ever cleaner than how i left it, i'm still doing all the dishes, all the laundry, so when i'm being a beyotch, it's because something's wrong, and then i'm ok with him not being around - like now, he went to bed and i'm ok with that because when he's awake and just laying there, i'm even more pissed.
how to fix it? if there is some underlying BS going on, come out with it. he's not a mind reader, and who knows maybe there's something bugging him too... if that's truly not it, at all - and you think it really is just the stress of life right now, then i would suggest thinking back to what things brought you two together in the first place - activities that you enjoyed, special things that made your heart flutter when you were 16. go back, and take a trip down memory lane, read the old notes/letters/cards that he got you, and remember how you felt when he gave you those things. then there are the basics - cuddle, hold hands, and make out. literally, make out with your husband, when's the last time you've done that? we're talking for like a solid 5 minutes. a make out session that doesn't and isn't going to end in nookie.
hope this all wasn't too random - aden's crying again (shocker) so i better go...i love you, and please call me or email me if you want or need to, ok?
hanging out with you guys this weekend was GREAT - i love you so much!!