It's ok.

Tyler has been on a work trip to Colorado for the last 9 days.  And in those last 9 days, I've decided that...

It's ok to travel to your Mom's house and spend 3 days there.  Her house is a safe place.

It's ok to not cook while your husband is gone.  Your kids eat mac 'n cheese and chicken nuggets so much better than the gourmet stuff anyway.

It's ok to DEMAND alone time.  I don't care whether or not Jaxon is napping in his room, but quiet time is a must.

It's ok to not have a clean house.  There's no one to impress, and I'll get to it when I'm done with whatever it is I'm doing.



It's definitely ok to not make the bed.  I'm the only one sleeping in it anyways.

It's ok to help myself to a second cup of coffee, even if it's at 4pm.  Those evening hours are the worst and longest, you know.

It's ok to have dinner with the same friends three nights in nine days.  These friends means so much to me, I am so thankful for the way they have loved on me and the boys recently.

It's ok to enjoy having the TV all to yourself after the kids bedtime.

It's ok to think about giving your dog up for doggie adoption because she won't listen and drives you crazy.  Instead of making a drastic mistake, it's ok for her to spend a lot of time in her kennel instead.

It's ok to not feel guilty about letting your kids play alone.  I've decided I'm done beating myself up about this.  My Mom did not sit on the floor and play with me 24 hours a day and I never ever ever remember feeling like she didn't love me.

It's ok to take advantage of the full 2 hour time limit on childcare at the gym.  Even if it means sitting alone in the hallway for 20 minutes.

It's ok to let your child dress himself, even if the pants are backwards and the shirt is a day old.  It's less laundry for you anyway.  And to let them break the rule "just this once" and jump from couch to couch.  Their Batman capes help them fly, after all!

Husband will hopefully be home in the next couple days.

It will all be ok.

On motivation.

Can I just tell you how much harder it is to maintain your weight than it is to lose?

When you're losing, you're working really hard and seeing pay off week after week, even if it's slower than you'd like.  You have people in your life encouraging you to keep going, telling you that you look great, and your lose clothes are a clear indicator of your progress!

When you're maintaining, you're still working hard but the scale no longer moves much, which can be discouraging when you're used to seeing a loss week after week.  It's an adjustment, even if your goal is to only maintain, and not lose.

That's where I am.  I continue to go to the gym at least 3 times a week, sometimes a day more, sometimes a day less... I have learned to give myself so much more grace on the weeks that I don't make it there all 3 times.  I've lost 45 pounds, 13 pounds more than my original goal weight, and have stayed in the same general spot for a couple months now.

It feels great and I am overall happy with the way I look.  I feel like I deserve it, because I work hard.  More than anything, I just feel confident, which is a word I would have never used to describe myself a year ago.

My motivation continues to come from the small things that I hope to never forget...
Knowing, grasping, and accepting this feeling of my husband thinking I'm the most beautiful lady on the planet.  When you have spent your life feeling insecure, this doesn't come natural.
The energy I have
The way I feel AFTER a workout
Jeans slipping on and buttoning without a battle, and without a muffin top!
Also - jeans actually being comfortable... who would have thought?
Seeing muscle and definition where I never have before
And, confidence.  So much more confidence.

My greatest battle is my immense love for food and carbs.  Give me a hot roll fresh out of the oven, and you will probably hear me squeal in joy.  Ridiculous, I know... food should not control my emotions the way I sometimes allow it to.  And I still have days that I completely undo my hard workout because of the food choices I make.

But I've come to realize, if this is going to continue to be a lifestyle change and not just a "fad", I'm going to have great days, and I'm going to have bad days.  The goal is to just not have a bad day too often.  :)

So let's hear it... where do you find your motivation?

Monday MishMash.

- We had a really great weekend - a perfect mix of getting things done and enjoying some family time together as well.  Yesterday afternoon I had a few errands to run at Town Centre, so Jaxon came with me and as we finished at the last store, he asked me for a drink.  There's a Starbucks nearby and when I mentioned that as an option, he said "so you'll get a coffee and I'll get a hot chocolate?"  Sounds like a date, buddy.  I love one-on-one time with both of the boys.  It really helps me soak them in individually instead of managing the chaos that usually happens when they are together.

- And speaking of the chaos when they are together... the boys have officially reached the "fight over EVERYTHING" stage.  I often joke why in the world I wanted Cohen to talk.  Last week on the way to church, they were fighting over whether or not the sky was blue.  Jaxon was so upset about it that he was in tears, and I did not have the energy to break up the fight so I just sat in the front seat and let them duke it out in the back.  A lot of times, Cohen knows he is wrong but sees that it is upsetting Jaxon so he continues.  Ahhh... I hear I have at least 18 more years of this.  :)

- I am amazed on a daily basis at the new words Cohen is saying or tries to say!  He's now putting two or three words together and says "too" when we tell him that we love him... so far it's the closest I've heard to any kind of recognition of "I love you".  I will melt into a puddle of mush when he finally says it back to us.  I love this boy and the way he is so uniquely different than his brother.  He's DIRTY (Jaxon hates to even have a finger messy), he is so much more physically active, he loves silly things like wearing boots to bed and wearing his snow hat all over the house (Jaxon's OCD side would never handle those things).  He will eat anything and everything under the sun, while Jaxon is very picky.  Neither of them better than the other, just so different, and I love it.

- We got another 10" of snow last week, on top of the 12-14" we already had.  Tyler had another snow day (amazing!) and we spent the day playing outside and being really lazy inside.  I love it so much, but I'm ready for the warmer spring temperatures.  It will be 60 here by Friday and I can't wait.

- Most of you know that last month we decided to start looking to buy a home here and needed to close on the loan by March 31st in order to take advantage of $0 down.  Out of all of the houses we looked at, we only loved 3 of them, and for different reasons we could not get any of those 3.  We really needed to be under contract by this week in order to close by the 31st, so it seems like The Lord has closed the door on that for now.  I feel at complete peace about it, which is surprising considering how much I dislike our current rental house.  I just know that whatever The Lord has up His sleeve is so much bigger and greater than what we had planned, so I am reminded to trust in that.

- Charlie is 13 weeks old now and a really great puppy!  She sits, comes, stays, and hasn't had an accident in the house for weeks.  Of course it's not easy, but we are pretty determined to have a good dog and will continue to work with her.  I am thankful for kennel training, anytime she's driving me crazy and I need a break she goes there, and even does it on command.  She has been a great addition to our family - I love how much the boys enjoy playing with her.

- Friday night I got our Women's Ministry team together at a local coffee shop just to hang out and be together.  I feel like too many times we're invited to "meetings" or "events", but rarely just to play board games and laugh.  We ended up staying until closing and didn't even realize how late it was.  I am so thankful for our church and these women who I get to serve alongside.

- Yesterday we went to a local bike shop and got Tyler a new bike... he hasn't gotten one as an adult and has been using his one since high school when we go on bike rides.  It was a pricey purchase but since we had been saving for it for a while, we were able to get it.  Makes me even more excited for spring!  The boys also begged for new bikes while we were there, but at $200 a piece, it wasn't happening, I don't care how cute you are!

- Anytime you need a reminder of why you blog, flip through old posts of yours and smile.  Tyler and I looked through a couple different years worth of posts yesterday and "awww'd" over things we had already forgotten about and laughed at different memories.  So all of you bloggers - keep going.  Instagram is easier, but I really feel like keeping up with my blog is something I won't regret.

- It's only Monday and I'm already excited for the weekend!  We are headed to Iowa to see my family... I haven't hung out with my Sister in months (feels like years), we get to stay at a hotel with my parents, and see a lot of extended family as well.  Can't wait!

Busy bag swap!

A few weeks ago, I signed up to be apart of a Busy Bag swap with some local Mama's.  It ended up being a big group -- 14 women!  If you're unfamiliar with what this is, it's basically a "bag" full of activities for your kids to play with or work with quietly.  No batteries needed, just activities to keep their fingers busy and minds working.

The swap itself is a genius idea.... you make "x" amount of the same activity, then go to this get-together and come home with that same amount of new busy bags for your kids.  I think the key to all of the activities is using them "sparingly" so they don't get tired of them.  Ours are kept in a closet unknown to the boys, and I pull them out when we're bored of regular toys.

Lucky for me, 14 women participated in this particular swap, so I have a good amount of things for the boys to work on and play with! 

Here's what we came home with... 

Sponge Towers

A lot of fun!  We sort by color, count them, build towers, and of course... knock it all over. 

Felt board with shapes 

Cohen really likes this one.  His houses are always very... ahem, creative.  :) 

Jar lids to push through the hole in the container

One of the boys' favorites... the girl who made these saw the original idea in Parents magazine. 

The Clothesline

Cohen can't quite do this one yet, but that makes it extra fun for Jaxon :) 

Button snake 

Challenging for both boys, in a good way! 

Pizza Factory 

This is the bag I brought.  Not to toot my own horn, but so far, this has been the most played with.  The boys love to pretend to make a pizza for "Grandma" or "Papa" and follow the instructions on each card.

Busy Bag Roadways... designed by Life Well Lived

This was clearly the boys' first pick, straight out of the bag.  They love anything cars and roads! 

Letter tracing

Love the cards, they are printed on 3x5 picture paper!  Such a good idea.

Pom Pom Mats

Another fun one - it keeps both boys occupied for a long time! 

Paint chip matching

I was amazed that Cohen could do this one by himself... Mom fail, I didn't even realize he knew his colors! 

Popsicle Puzzles

This one is over Cohen's head but is challenging for Jaxon.  Great activity! 

Pom Pom Sorting

Another favorite for both boys!  Sort by color and dump it all out... fun for all! 

Playdough mat with homemade playdough

We haven't done this one yet, but the boys love playdough so I know they'll enjoy it! 

Mr Potato Head - made out of felt

Oh man, I love this one!  So cute, and I can't imagine how long it took this Mama to make 14 sets!  Both of the boys really enjoy this one too.  It's lots of fun! 

Threading stick

We also really like this one!  Jaxon prefers the string, and Cohen likes to do it with the straws.

~

I am also in the process of organizing a swap for some blogging friends... I can't wait to start getting them in the mail, and of course I'll be back to show you more once that swap is over.

If you're looking for something to do with friends, this is a great idea and fairly easy to organize.  You get to spend time with Mom's, PLUS come home with activities for your kids!  Have fun :) 

Snowmageddon.

I chuckle when I hear people call a foot of snow a "snowmageddon", but that's partly due to growing up in Iowa and getting big 'ole snowstorms like this more frequently than not.

But in Kansas City, it's a big 'ole deal.  We haven't gotten a foot of snow at one time since 1919, and more often than not, the snow misses us and all we get is ice.

I'd rather get a big 'ole snowstorm any day instead of 1-2" at a time, and yesterday my wish came true!  To top it off, Tyler's work was closed for the day (amazing!) so once the snow stopped falling temporarily, we went outside to shovel and play.

Shoveling felt pretty impossible at this point, but we wanted to get a path cleared out before the ice came in, in case Tyler's company was open today (which it was).

Jax was pretty excited to be able to play out by the mailbox and "in" the street... he's never allowed out there or even remotely close to the street, but considering there was NO traffic, I was pretty ok with it.  :)

Sorry for the overload of Jaxon&Charlie pictures... Cohen was still pretty happy hanging by the front door this entire time. 

I promised I helped him shovel (after my battery died)... it was my workout for the day! 

Ha!  Pretty much sums it all up.

My camera battery died, so out came the iPhone...

 

Cohen finally came out to play so Tyler helped them dig out a tunnel while I was shoveling.  An hour later they both threw a big giant melt down when it was time to come inside.

Schools and a lot of businesses are still closed today, and since Tyler is gone and the windchill is 8*, we will probably be hanging inside for the remainder of the day.

And yet another "major" storm is coming Monday... I think the groundhog was wrong this year.