My funny Valentine(s).

Keeping up with my tradition of buying Valentines shirts after they go on clearance, and taking some much needed updated pictures of the boys...

Poor guy has NO personality... can't you tell?  :)

Usually Cohen is the better picture-taker, but I was able to catch quite a bit of ... ahem... personality from Jaxon yesterday.  I love it.

(see last years pictures here)

Our teens had a fundraiser at church last night, 3 hours of childcare for $15 for both boys.  We debated for a while what to do and joked that dropping them off and just coming back home for a quiet evening sounded pretty amazing.

We ended up celebrating Valentines in true Kansas City form... Oklahoma Joe's BBQ.  Add trying this restaurant to your bucket list right now... so yum!!

Tyler had some go-carts planned for afterwards, but we changed our mind after seeing the outrageous prices, so then he suggested Target + Starbucks... I wasn't in the mood for either.  I know, really weird.  I told him I didn't care what we did at that point, so he chose Best Buy.

BBQ + Best Buy, Valentines 2013.

From the bottom of my heart, I really didn't care.  It's always good to enjoy some one-on-one time with my Man.  Conversations that aren't fueled by "take a bite and then you can get down", "get your feet off the table", and "STOP teasing your brother".

I love his dimples.

He left about an hour ago to go to Colorado for the weekend.  One of his good buddies from college (that he lived with for a long time) is getting married, and it originally started as a family vacation, but he wasn't able to get as much time off from work as we wanted.  I wasn't about to drive 8 hours with the boys (plus hotel cost, meals, etc) just to spend 1 day there.  Someone tell me you would have made the same decision so I can stop feeling guilty about not going.

Have a happy weekend!  And pray for my sanity, if you think of it.  :)

Hello... weeks later.

Hey there.

Remember when I used to blog multiple times a week?

Yeah, me too.  Life happens.

I feel this overwhelming pressure to blog but with the chaos that abounds in our home right now, I don't know where to begin.  I start to wonder how much I should share, and how much we should just keep to ourselves, so I figured I'll just start writing and see what happens.

:)

I'm afraid instagram has started to replace my blog, which is sad since I know years from now I will regret that.  I love looking through old posts, so many of them are ridiculous and I was such a dork (and probably always will be), but that was life then.  And this is life now... and I still want to document it.

So here we go, what's been happening in our neck of the woods?

Of course, day to day life with the boys... there's never a dull moment!
We've enjoyed a few beautiful "park days"... and then the next day it snows.  Crazy Kansas.
A few lazy days here and there as well.
Playdates with friends!
The flu hit Jaxon, and Praise the good Lord the rest of us have avoided it... knockonwood.
I celebrated my 27th birthday with friends, flowers, and a World Market + dinner date.  Perfection.

Cohen "graduated" from speech therapy... hooray!
Family night is always my favorite.
Coffee with my sweet husband is, too.
Family came to town to celebrate Jaxon's 4th birthday.
Had dinner with my BFF ... so much laughter!  I am so grateful for 15 years of friendship.

These boys are my life, can you tell?  :)
I love how I feel after a great workout.
I also love Erin Condren and her cute iPhone cases.
I don't love still not sleeping through the night.  I can't wait for Jaxon's 4 year old wellness appointment to talk to our pediatrician and pick her brain.

I feel so behind on the blog world that I have literally been avoiding my computer.  But then I see my amazingly cute new computer chair, and have a seat.  Try and tackle the 200+ unread blog posts in Google Reader.

So much cuteness inside World Market.  I'd describe it as a mix between Pottery Barn and Anthro, but way more reasonable prices.  Ahh, to win the lottery... :)

To close out the most random post in history, here's a glimpse at what's going on with us.

We are in prayer about a couple major decisions, and really would ask that you join us as well, if you think about it.  We've really been seeking the Lord the last few weeks and just as we felt an answer and one door open, a second door opened as well.  We've been struggling with which one is the "right" door and of course trying to decide which is best for our family.

I find so much peace knowing the Lord has our best interests at heart.  I believe He will continue to open and close doors, guiding us where He wants us to be permanently.  I also believe He will use us to advance His kingdom no matter which door we choose.

We just need prayer, and lots of it.  At times I start really freaking out about it, and almost feel like I'm having panic attacks.  Then I take a breather and realize it's because I'm not fully trusting, instead I am trying to figure it out on my own.  Never once have we ever walked alone - He is faithful.

You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.

Isaiah 26:3

After sharing our situation with one of my best friends, her reply was "I feel like amazing things are on the horizon for you guys, I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store in the next couple months."

I am clinging to that hope and join her in the excitement of seeing whats to come for our family.

In other news, I can't believe we have a four year old.  Angry Birds birthday party coming to the blog soon.

So much craziness in one post, but hopefully we'll be back to regular scheduled programming soon.  Thanks for hanging in there with me.

The binky... and babies.

Sunday morning at 4am, Tyler and I were both awake roaming the entire house looking for a binky for our screaming 2 year old.  Extremely frustrated by the time we finally found one, we decided in that very moment that Cohen was no longer getting a binky.

Nap time rolled around, and per his usual routine, little guy asked for his "bee-bee".  I know there's a lot of ways out there to get your child off of his pacifier, but for both of my boys, I simply just told them the binky was gone.  I explained he was a big boy now, and there were no more binky's... after a little bit of protest, he asked me to rock him to sleep and I gladly obliged.

I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't cry as he fell asleep in my arms, without a pacifier.  27 months have flown by in the blink of an eye and I can't believe my youngest child has outgrown another significant "baby" item.

I was already having an emotional day, but the reality of not having any more babies in the house that need a pacifier really started to set in.  I'm fairly confident I might even feel the same way after we begin potty training and I change the last diaper.

And since we're on the subject and I now feel like there's an elephant in the room, let's chat.

When I was pregnant with Jaxon, I wanted a girl.  When I was pregnant with Cohen, I wanted a girl.  The Lord has a sense of humor giving me two boys.

I feel silly even giving this disclaimer, but I can see how some people would read into this the wrong way, so I'll say it anyway.  Of course I wouldn't trade my two boys for girls, of course I love my two boys with all of my heart, and at this point I wouldn't have it any other way.

But, undeniably so, I still want a girl.  Not for the bows and polka dots and cute outfits, but for the adult Mom & Daughter relationship.  The one that I have with my Mom, where we chat multiple times a week on the phone and she's the first person I call when I have something exciting or sad to share.  I want that relationship with a daughter.  I don't always want to be the Mom-in-law, and I don't want to be the mother of the groom and never the mother of the bride... I want that wedding dress shopping, daughter having babies and calling me for advice kind-of relationship.

However, at this point, my husband is not on the same page.  Deep down, I'd like to think that if money wasn't an issue, he'd be much more open to having more kids.  But the reality is, money IS an issue, babies are A LOT of work, kids are expensive, and chances are we'd end up with another boy.  :)

We have had multiple conversations about it recently, because even if I were to get pregnant TODAY, the baby and Cohen would be 3 years apart.  And then you have to wonder if our third child would feel left out, since Jaxon and Cohen are so close in age.  And we're not having 4 kids.

So many things to take into consideration, but as of right now, my husband is done and I am not.  We end each of our baby conversations with "let's continue to pray about it", fully believing the Lord will change one of our hearts.

Either I will find complete peace in our family of four, boy mom status, or the mud will be removed from Tyler's eyes to see the light and he'll change his mind.  Ha!

In all reality, I can see myself living a perfectly happy life with the family we have now.  Most days, I am seriously content with my sweet little family.  I will continue to trust the Lord for healthy and deep relationships with my boys, and if I can be honest with you, the thought of being outnumbered scares me quite a bit.

There's still so much to be decided, and I find complete comfort knowing I don't have to have it all figured out... as much as I'd like to.  :)

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;

    you formed me in my mother’s womb.

I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!

    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!

    I worship in adoration—what a creation!

You know me inside and out,

    you know every bone in my body;

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,

    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.

Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;

    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,

The days of my life all prepared

    before I’d even lived one day.

Psalm 139:16 (msg)

Authenticity.

I've been thinking this week a lot about how often I compliment other women, and how hard it's become.

It's a difficult thing to do, don't you think?  Behind a computer screen, it's easier.  I've told my husband on and off throughout the years that I feel closer to a lot of my blog friends than I do to people in real life.  Not because my friends are bad people, but I'm really starting to see it in my own life as well, that it's easier for me to compliment, to encourage, to build someone up, behind a computer screen than it is in person.

I used to think that I was a good encourager, and while I don't think I'm awful at it, I have also gotten sloppy in the last year or so.  Jealousy creeps into my heart and when I see a friend that has lost weight, bought a new house, or just simply looks extra beautiful that day, I struggle more than normal to compliment her. 

The sin of comparison is a big reason behind this, wouldn't you agree?  "It's not fair that she gets a brand new house..." or "why does she always look put together while I look tired and sloppy?"  We each have our own battles we fight, and the person that I am jealous of has struggles of her own.  She may be caught in a trap of comparison herself, struggling to be content as well, but from my limited perspective she seems to have it all together.

A lot of times a simple, authentic, compliment can really change someone's attitude and the way they may be feeling.  I can think of so many times that I was having a crummy day, and felt like a friend really swooped in to save the day, just by taking a second to lift me up.  Knowing what a big difference encouragement does in my own heart, it should come more natural for me to do the same to others.

I want to do a better job of sharing an encouraging thought when it comes to mind, instead of holding it back.  To realize the importance of my words, and become aware of my presence when someone is having a tough day.  I want to really take note of what encourages me, and go out of my way to do the same for another person.  Most importantly, I want to love with my whole heart, not just when I'm feeling like it... the way Christ has called us to.  (Romans 12:10)

Life is so much sweeter when it's shared with people that are genuinely on your side.  Who are authentic in their praise and love for you... the ones who truly share in your joy.  

I want to be a friend like that.  

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thess 5:11

Hello Monday.

Hello Monday... we had an amazing PRODUCTIVE weekend!  The weather was beautiful on Saturday and Tyler spent the majority of the day outside with the boys while I cleaned and did laundry like a maniac.  Deep cleaned, ladies.  It felt so good, and Sunday I was able to spend the afternoon napping and also watched a movie, guilt free!  Love. 

Hello girls night coming up this weekend, as well as a dinner date (soon, hopefully!) with my BFF!  I just need to squeeze a date night in there as well, and I'll be set.

Hello spontaneous trip to my parents house last week.  It was a quick visit, just a night, but it did my body good!  I love spending time with my Mama... and scoring some wicked shopping deals.  :)

Hello beginning to plan Jaxon's 4th birthday next month!  I've decided to do "big" parties every other year going forward, so this will be a low key pizza and cake get together with family.  I don't know why I feel guilty about not having a big event... I'm trying to just enjoy it instead of spending so much money and time in party details.

Hello losing another 10 pounds since this post... 44 pounds lost.  One of my new years goal is to not lose any more weight, but to lose the body fat.  Right now I'm at 35%, and I need to be between 20-25%.  Don't confuse body fat with BMI percentage, that thing is a joke.  Body fat is simply the fat on your body versus the muscle. 

Hello more sleep issues with Jaxon.  He did *so* good for a couple weeks and I totally chalked it up to cutting out the Red Dye, and yet last night he was up from 1:30am-4am.  Wide awake.  During this time, he managed to turn the tv on, play downstairs, find the iPad that we always hide before bed and watch movies, helped himself to a piece of toast that was left out on the counter (no butter or anything on it..yuck), AND worst of all... let Charlie out of her kennel.  He says "but Mom, I just wanted someone to watch the movie with me."  Ha!!  So of course at this point, we know there's pee somewhere in the house, since he didn't take her outside, and ask him if she peed anywhere.  He says "yes, on the chair... but I cleaned it up with a napkin."  Of course now my recliner is stained (hopefully it will come out with a little elbow grease) and the 'napkin' he used was a single square of toilet paper.  So that's helpful.

Hello feeling downright discouraged about parenting.  I just feel so unequipped and incapable.  While I know those are lies and I'm choosing to not believe them, today has been especially tough.

Hello slloowww photography season.  I'm trying to remember it will start picking up again soon, but it's getting sad.  Anyone need some Valentines Day pictures?  :)

Hello two boys who desperately need haircuts this week. 

Hello another cup of coffee calling my name.  With a night like last night, I need some fuel for the rest of the day!

What are you saying hello to this week?