How quickly things can change.

It's been 2 months since our offer got accepted on Raintree Dr.

2 months spent dreaming about the boys growing up there.
2 months spent thinking about the fun parties we'd have in the beautiful back yard.
2 months spent decorating in my head, making plans, and selling our current furniture to buy different stuff.
2 months looking forward to not being renters anymore.

I started getting nervous a couple weeks ago when our lender starting asking more and more questions about our first home, that we lost to a short sale.  They wanted statements written, documentation of different events, and more and more paperwork to sign and return.  I started wondering why they didn't ask these questions during our pre-approval, instead of now, just weeks before closing.

Turns out my suspicions were right, when Friday afternoon the lender called with a teary voice and told us that our financing was no longer available without coming up with an additional $11,000.  She had taken our case to the National Board of Underwriting, and they agreed to let us buy, only if we could provide the additional funds.

You know how this ends, don't you?  We obviously don't have an extra $11,000 to put down (on top of what we were already planning on spending), so we are no longer buying this house that we thought was ours for over 2 months.

I cried.  I sobbed.  I lost my breath crying so hard.  Every time I picked up my phone and had to explain the situation to another person, I lived through the emotional roller coaster again. We already had the utilities scheduled to be shut off, had already given our notice at our rental (that is now for sale), and really had the countdown started for how many more days we had to accept those living conditions.  Mold and mud on the floor, water that did not run outside, and the list continues.  We couldn't wait to move out and have a place to call our own... and suddenly everything we thought was happening had spun out of control.

The next couple days were spent crying some more.  Luckily, we were in Iowa at the time, so we spent this time out on the river canoeing which was SO good and healing for me.  Tyler continued to hide my phone because all it did was upset me.  Disconnecting from reality was helpful.

Sunday morning, Tyler's family all gathered in the living room for live church via the internet, and of course, tears streamed down my face through the majority of it.  A sermon on trusting and faith... two things I had nearly lost at this point.  Why the Lord allowed us to get SO FAR into this house buying experience (2 weeks from moving), only to learn we won't be able to buy for another 1-2 years is something we may never understand, but faith is believing that The Lord is going to do what he says he's going to do... so obviously my faith is being tested.

At this point, it had been almost 48 hours since we got the news, and I was still so upset.  My eyes were bloodshot and nearly swollen shut, and suddenly as Tyler wrapped his big loving arms around me, I really started to question and wonder what the REAL reason I was so upset was.  Yeah, it's a house that we loved and dreamed about and called our own, but what was really going on?

Realizing that I was searching for happiness IN a house has been healing for me.  Realizing that deep down I am searching for many things... deep friendship, a sense of community, happiness... and temporarily finding it in a house was the real reason for my broken heart.  I love to decorate, paint, and the idea of turning this place into our home was so exciting for me.  I really had something to look forward to, and this was something that had distracted me from this "searching" that I am doing.

Maybe The Lord was protecting me from the disappointment I would have felt after moving in and still being unhappy deep down.  Maybe The Lord is protecting us from a job loss.  Maybe He has bigger and better plans for us, which a house could have stopped us from chasing after.

We don't know the reason.  There's a possibility that we won't ever know the reason.  But Faith?  It's believing that The Lord is going to do what he says he's going to do.

He has promised to supply every need we have. (Philippians 4:19)
He has also promised that all things work together for good to those who love and serve Him faithfully.  (Romans 8:28)

So, we wait.  We anticipate the good things The Lord has in store for us.  We look forward to Him fulfilling his promises to us.

And I would appreciate your prayers as I search for contentment in HIM and HIM ALONE.  And for peace.  Staying in our rental has not been easy for me, but I trust there's a reason for it and hope to find peace in this temporary solution.

I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—

plans to take care of you, not abandon you, 

plans to give you the future you hope for.

Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG)

Cohen - 2 1/2

April 29, 2013 means Cohen is now 2 1/2 years old which really makes my head spin!  So much has changed in the last 6 months for him... here's what he's up to now!

This is such a fun age, you guys.  Yes, we have our tantrums and there are times that I feel like I am walking on egg shells to avoid another one, but the way his eyes light up when he understands something and the interactions between him and Jaxon are so sweet to outweigh the bad.

This boy is pretty obsessed with Buzz Lightyear, balls (throwing them at his brother is a definitely favorite), pa-pa-toos (tattoos), and could quite possibly be one of the messiest boys on the planet.  I laughed when I was taking these pictures last night... sure, I could have changed him into something a little cleaner and put together, but this is him.  A DIRTY boy, complete with pa-pa-toos on his hand.

He is learning his colors and numbers, pretty much copying everything that comes out of his brothers mouth, and loves to dance.  He is a super active child, always running or jumping or pushing or kicking.  Disciplining him is hard because there's not much that bothers him.  He laughs at spankings, couldn't care less about timeouts, and hardly blinks when we take toys away.  He's going to be tough, for sure.

His talking continues to improve on a daily basis, I have officially lost count of all of the words he uses because there's not much that I can't understand.  He still continues to call Jaxon "Hi" but occasionally will call him by his actual name, only if it's his idea!  My favorite thing to hear him say is "Wuv you more!"  He is so sweet.

Things Cohen loves:
- Being rocked to sleep
- His blankie and Mr. Monkey
- Annoying his older brother
- Toy Story / Buzz Lightyear
- Being outdoors
- "Dance party!!"
- Having a drink in hand at all times
- Sunshine song.  Jesus song.  :)
- Food. All food.

Things Cohen hates:
- Being dropped off at Church Nursery
- Being "left behind" if Jaxon goes bye-bye somewhere
- Dirty diapers (yes, potty training coming soon...ugh)
- Sitting still / sitting quiet

Obviously one of the most amazing things to see is the relationship between Cohen and Jaxon continue to grow.  The first time I ever heard Cohen say his name was when he said "Jaxon...Cohen...best fwiends!" ...And they really are.  Of course they fight more often than they get along at this age, but so much of that is because Cohen LOVES to initiate and annoy his older OCD brother.  Even when he knows what he is saying is not true, he will continue to say it over and over again, just to get that reaction out of Jaxon.  It's kind of hilarious, but obviously gets frustrating at times as well.  They are inseparable most days, I can't imagine life any other way.

Little guy, there are not enough words to describe how much you mean to Daddy and I.  We treasure everything about you!  Happy 2.5 buddy!

OUR house!

Perfect timing, following my recent whiney post, huh?  :)

Yesterday we found out that the seller accepted our offer on the perfect, perfect, home for us.

Would you believe me if I told you it met all of my "wants" and "must-haves"?

An open floor plan for entertaining
A fenced backyard
4 bedrooms (I was SO picky about this one... I want my guests comfortable!)
2 separate living areas ... a "family room" versus the more formal living room
Great school district
Good location... far far far from interstate traffic!

Yes, we were picky... and it paid off.  I could cry writing this!  I am so excited to be a homeowner again!

We won't have possession until the end of June, unless the seller finds a new home for themselves quicker than they expect, but I am totally ok with that!  I will wait as long as needed for this place.  800 feet from the walking/bike trails, a couple blocks from the elementary school, and within walking distance to a pool and park.

Yesterday was just one of those days that as it came to a close, I couldn't stop reflecting on.  For family that came last night to celebrate with us (and brought cake pops and lasagna!), for laughter, for the memories that we'll create there, and for The Lord's BIG dreams for us that are far better than I could imagine.

Thank you, Jesus, for your incredible blessings on our lives.  I am so thankful.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts... and be thankful.

Colossians 3:15

I'm ready.

House shopping sounds so fun, doesn't it?

Browsing through other peoples homes, seeing whats out there, looking at their decorations and imagining your stuff in its place, picturing your family at the kitchen table or in the back yard playing... it all sounds so fun.

Until you start.  And then it isn't that fun at all.

We've been house shopping for over 3 months now and let me tell you how over it I am.

I'm over the disagreements between my husband and I.  He loves one house, I can't stand the layout.  I love another house, he doesn't the potential.
I'm over the disappointment after being turned down by a seller, or by getting my hopes up on the way to the house, only to find a complete dump.
I'm over the stress of it all.
But most of all... I'm over this rental house.

Jaxon is over it too.

I'm ready to have a place to call our own... OUR neighborhood, OUR street, OUR school district, OUR yard.  A place where I can finally feel settled, somewhere to decorate and make changes to without feeling like it's a waste of money.

As ready as I feel, I also am trying to find peace in The Lord's plans... HE knows way better than I do!  There's a reason we haven't found that house yet, and I am (deep breath) trying to rest in His perfect timing.

Pray for us, if you think of it!  I can't wait until I have some happy news to share, hopefully sooner than later.

:)

Little blessings.

((inspired by my Sister's recent gratitude post))

First and foremost, for grace.  I do not deserve the way I am loved by the Lord and by my boys.  I can go to bed feeling like I've completely failed that day, yet each morning brings consistent reminders of His faithfulness and love for me. 

For one on one time while Jaxon was away for his first sleepover.  I was reminded how easy it was to "just" have one child... ha! 

For peace and quiet, even if it's for a few minutes.  I'll take what I can get these days! 

For early morning snuggles with this boy.  His cheeks are so incredibly soft and kissable, I hope that never goes away. 

For the beautiful days here and there, though few and far between lately!

For my role as Wife and Mom.   

For the realization of how precious life really is.  My Uncle went into full cardiac arrest this week and was put into a medically induced coma for 2 days.  He is now awake, though still intubated, but can respond to yes/no questions and is clearly not a fan of a tube being down his throat.  Between that and the Boston Marathon bombing... life is precious.  

For surprise and unexpected Family Days... and Lego Land.  :)  I am grateful for Tyler's boss who values family and told him to take a day off after being away in Colorado for 10 days.  Our day together was needed and SO enjoyed.  

For beautiful sunrises and the chance to spend a week with a friend who needed me.  It meant being away from my husband for another 7 days, but I'm thankful that I was able to go and be there when I was wanted and needed. 

For the little things... the way Cohen makes a ginormous mess under any table we eat at.  I know it won't be this way forever, and when he's 18 and eats with a fork (hopefully), I will look back and smile.  For now, I just leave an extra tip. 

For the absolutely great memories I was flooded with while driving by my old childhood home.  I am so thankful for every part of my story, it makes me who I am today. 

For coffee shops.  I love how recharged I feel when I leave.

For sunshine and boys toys.  His excitement about life is contagious. 

For another chance at a family day, this time spending it with our close friends.  This was our last "hoorah" with them as they moved away last week.  This transition has been so hard for me, it is the first time I've been "left behind".  When you move 7 times in 6 years, you're always the one leaving, so this is all new to me.  I trust that the Lord will once again prove himself faithful in bringing me another person to share my day to day life with, but for now I am just reminding myself how incredibly blessed I am to have Andrea and the amazing friendship we share.  Now we simply share it from 4 hours apart.

(wiping away my tears)  

For my sexy man husband.  I love this guy, and being away from him so much this month has only amplified my appreciation for him. 

For our church.  I have been swamped with responsibilities here lately, between helping design our new logo and website, photographing the staff, Women's Ministry planning, and so much more... yet I leave every time feeling fulfilled.  Work in the church is hard, and chaotic at times, but so rewarding.

For the unique child he is.  3 hats and a horse... why not!? 

For the way I can still hear him giggling underneath that cart.  It's obviously the best way to ride around Mommy's favorite red store! 

Thank you, Jesus, for my little blessings.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!

  His faithful love endures forever.

Psalm 107:1