The church.

I have a big lump in my throat as I type this... not only is a little bit embarrassing to admit, but every time I realize what just happened I choke up and tears pour out of my eyes.

So here it goes.

This month has been a very tight one for us financially.  I did a horrible job of budgeting our gifts that we were buying others, and as much as I love to GIVE to people, I lost track of what was spent and once I realized it, it was too late.  We have a very small amount to get us through to the end of the month, but hopefully after that, we'll be back up on our feet.

Last night I was texting a close friend of mine asking her for CHEAP meal ideas.  I needed to go to the grocery store later that evening, and was trying to figure out how to feed the family for the week on a super tight budget.  She texted me back plenty of ideas, great ones at that, and trying to trust the Lord to provide and hopefully not eat junk all week long, I was finally ready to go to the store.

As I was putting on my shoes, she sent me another text.

"Don't go yet.  I have something I want to bring you."

Reluctantly, I waited.  And suddenly I started feeling bad, hoping by asking her for cheap meal ideas she didn't suddenly feel pressured to do something to help us.  I knew we'd be fine, and I didn't want her to take on our burden, you know?

About a half hour later, her and her husband walked in with BAGS full of groceries, easily a weeks worth of food.  Not only did she get us essentials, but she knows me so well she brought my favorite coffee creamer, Starbucks coffee, homemade treats, and extra food for the freezer as well.  She knows my boys so well that she knew what they like, and avoided any foods with red dye.

I had to hold back the tears, as I didn't want to be a blubbering fool in front of them, but as soon as they left and I started putting it all away, I just broke down.

THIS is what the church is.  People who love, serve, and give, without hesitation.  Without second thought.  Friends who stand in the gap for you... who pray you through tough seasons of life.

These friends of ours allowed the Lord to use them and provide for us in a tangible way.

What a great God we serve.  And what great friends we have.

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in 

Christ Jesus.

Philipians 4:19

And now I look for a way to pass it on.  Open your heart this Christmas season to hear from the Lord and listen for ways to bless someone else... believe me, they will forever be grateful.

Pinterest and Insecurity.

I'm already having a pretty craptastic day thanks to my 4 year old refusing to sleep again last night, so emotions are running high as it is.

And then I logged onto Pinterest.  And some ridiculous idea popped into my head to look at a friends "home" board.  Full of pins of beaaaautiful homes, designs and gorgeous kitchens straight out of a magazine.  Homes that are not reality for most people, but we like to dream big.  Or something like that.

And then I browsed her "Kids" board.  And started feeling like my boys are probably going to suffer in school and need counseling as adults because I didn't do enough hand and footprint turkeys, and shoot... I never got around to making that homemade playdough or sidewalk paint.

The "clothing" board suddenly made me feel like my closet is full of ugly clothes and that I must.go.shopping.now.  The "exercise" board did a great job of convincing me I was a big fatty who only went to the gym once this week.  And let's not even talk about the DIY board, that screams at you to get up and construct something that very moment.

Are you seeing a trend here?

Pinterest makes me feel inadequate... like I'll never be good enough.  I just can't help but feel that way every time I log on.

And then you check your Facebook, and see pictures from the Jones' recent family vacation to the Caribbean, and how the Smith's 3 year old now knows how to read.  Or in my case, how the other local photographers have thousands of fans, while I relish in my 185.

It's the trap of comparison.  False reality.  And horrible Mom guilt.

I have to step away and question WHY I feel the constant need to "keep up".  And remind myself of the truth, that I may not be a perfect Mom, wife, or house-keeper... but I am,

A loving Mom... who adores hugs, cuddles, kisses, tickling backs, and holding hands.

A supportive Mom... who will always listen with an open heart.  Who will pray constantly and faithfully.

A baking/cooking Mom... who will provide dinner each night and bake their favorite treats.

A movie Mom... I will cuddle them on the couch all day long, if given the opportunity.

An "on the go" Mom... who will take them with me to the store, gym, and to fun places as well... the indoor mall, indoor playground, local parks, and many other places all over town.

A dance party Mom... watch out, I have some mad moves when that right song comes on.

A "kiss your Dad" Mom... who will be affectionate and loving and kind to their Father.

Or just "Mom".... frequently imperfect, but constantly trying.  Always learning.  Frazzled at times.  But someone who will love them the exact way they need to be loved.

Comparison is getting me no where, other than opening a door for the Enemy to come in and lie to me, telling me I'll never be good enough.  

All my boys ask from me is that I try, and for my love.  Those two things they will always have.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Romans 12:2

Updated Family pictures!

I love having photographer friends to swap family pictures with!  Thank you Bekah Bowman :)

It was a tough session with young boys who did NOT want anything to do with taking pictures, but we managed to get a few.

Of course, one of those 3 is our Christmas card photo so you won't be seeing that one for a while.  :)

I spent almost 3 hours last night trying to choose a Christmas card, and then second guessing my decision afterwards.  I am the most indecisive person about the most ridiculous things!

Do you send Christmas cards?

How many do you send out?

I am trying to figure out how to consolidate my list this year... I feel like if I've sent you a card for the last 7 years and NEVER gotten one in exchange, it makes it hard to not cut you from my list.  I know that sounds vain and silly, but c'mon people!

So tell me, how do you do it? 

24 months.

(A month and half behind... ahem... second child syndrome.)

Little guy, you are now 2 years old!  I can't hardly stand the thought of this, because in my mind you are still a little baby and still WAY smaller than your big brother.  Now you are 2 pounds shy of weighing more than him, and it definitely reflects in the way you're starting to hold your own and fight back in your wrestling matches.

Speaking of weight, you weighed in at 27 pounds at your 2 year appointment (40%) and you're 34.5 inches tall (50%).  A little on the small side, but perfectly healthy.

You have an amazing silly side, making your Daddy and I laugh on a daily basis.  I love the way you gallop around the house (when you're not running), and how you try to jump.  You copy EVERYthing your brother does... including alllll the naughty things and facial expressions... but you're definitely your own person as well.  We love learning new things about you.

Speech has come a LONG way in the last few months after working with your therapist.  You try to imitate the different things we say, and are much more willing to try and say a new word than you ever used to be.  Most of the things you want or need, I can decipher.  People that aren't around you as much still struggle, but that's one of the upsides of spending all day with you.  You seriously have the sweetest voice on the planet.  I love it when you use your words and I think I will bawl my eyes out the first time you tell me you love me.  We are now up to almost 40 words that you can clearly say without being prompted.

I love the way you recognize songs, try to count (two, two, two, two...) and close your eyes and fold your hands when we pray.  You love to dance and I have a feeling you're going to be a little bit of a show off or maybe the class clown... you love attention.  :)

I also adore how affectionate you are.  You hug your friends when you see them, and will give out a kiss to anyone who asks.  Your sweet arms around my neck giving me a hug is one of my favorite things.

You are one of my greatest joys and greatest blessings, and I don't care how cliche it is... I cannot imagine our lives without you in it.

Tidbits.

I'm in a major blogging rut, so here's my go-to post... a mishmash of what's going on!

I am praying for my heart through this Christmas season, that the GOOD NEWS of why we celebrate would never turn into OLD news.  I want it to be on the forefront of my mind constantly, not focusing on parties, or finances, or all of the to-do's... but rather be driven by why we are celebrating.  Already I have found myself feeling suffocated by the gifts to buy and the traditions that I should have started with the boys (and haven't yet), and I can't let it be that way.  I want this to be the best Christmas season, for all the right reasons.  

Next time you're in Target and you see a frazzled Mom with a screeeaming 3.5 year old and 2 year old, would you say a prayer for her instead of staring and judging why she can't keep her kids under control?  I'm so sick of the side stares I get from people.  I'm sure it's easy to forget what it's like to have young kids, but as an exhausted Mom, I can tell you that your stares are not helping.  Neither are your "my kids will never do that" thoughts.  Just say a prayer for her next time, please? 

And on that note, I am extremely thankful for naps.  Another rough day around these parts, and I needed a breather... almost as much as he needed some sleep. 

Oh, and this cute boy.  He is well into toddlerhood with his favorite phrase being NO!  I think my Mom almost cried last weekend when I sent her precious Cohen to his room.  He's SO cute and ornery and I'm beaming with joy at his expanding vocabulary.

So, one of the most exciting things is my newest addition to my photography business... a 27" iMac!  Oh heavens, what a blessing this was.  A lady posted on our KC Photographers board advertising it, and when I questioned why the price was SO low she told me her Dad owned a cancer clinic that just shut down (because he had passed away), and all these computers needed sold.  She wasn't in it for the money or profit, and it was one of those "too good to pass up" deals.  Especially with AppleCare warranty until next Fall, I feel so grateful.  And dang, editing and looking at pictures is so much fun.  :) 

Christmas jammies = my favorite.  I love lazy mornings at home!

My Dad and I (and Sammy the dog) went on a 2 mile run on Saturday while they were here visiting.  It's the first time I've ran since our race, and it felt great to be back out there.  I've still been really consistent about going to the gym 2-4 times a week (usually going to boxing/TRX or cardio/weights), and to date have lost 39.8 pounds.  Now I need to shift my focus from losing, to maintaining.  It's hard to allow myself those extra couple hundred calories when all I've known for the last 7 months is those are BAD!

I feel like my struggle is finding a happy balance between losing and gaining.  I'm either one or the other, and haven't ever really been able to maintain, so I'm praying this time is different!  I really love how healthy I feel overall, so I hope I won't ever forget that.  

And now, I need a new wardrobe.  And this is not me bragging.  I'm actually bummed about this, because the clothes that are hanging in my closet are ones I still really like.  

The other thing that has taken up a bunch of my time recently, is that I am the new Women's Ministry leader at our church!  The Lord really orchestrated this leadership change in an amazing way, and I am thrilled to pieces to be serving somewhere that I am so passionate about... women and moms.  I have huge dreams for this ministry, and I am just continuing to pray that I can be used in whatever way the Lord sees fit.  I dream of this network of women who are connected and who never feel like they are going through motherhood or just life in general alone.  It's all about the relationships we form. 

One of the biggest dreams I have is to get a Moms group started next spring/summer when our building opens.  Do you remember the Moms group I was apart of in Waco that blessed my socks off?!  Yep, that's it.  That's my dream.  If you are apart of something like this, I'd love to hear all of the things that you guys do to keep my wheels spinning in motion.  And I'd most definitely appreciate the prayer, any time you think of me in this position! 

I love seeing this boys imagination grow.  Yesterday he said to me "Mommy, my Buzz Lightyear is flying to the train store.  Your Buzz is flying to Mommy's favorite red store."  Ha!

He also called me "cheeky" yesterday.  All of you Moms that have Thomas lovers will understand that one.  :)