Fo reals, put on your life jacket, as we're about to dive in to some deep water.
I think, I think, I might have the most amazing church. When I left New Life, I thought I would never ever find another church that even compared to it. While I think every church we've attended has had it's good and bad, the church we are currently attending is amazing. Like, I-leave-every-week-with-my-mouth-wide-open-in-awe... that kind of amazing. I'll be the first to admit that I have always judged churches by their music. If the music was no good, then clearly the church wasn't either. I'm here now to tell you that's not true, and while the music at our current church is great, what I really love about it is the pastor and the sermons he preaches. He's so good, and hits home with me every week. I can honestly say that I think my walk with God has grown ten-fold since moving here. And if that is the only reason that we moved here, it is beyond good enough for me.
Another great thing, besides our life group, is a Mom's bible study that I recently just started going to. It's called "The Nest" and their slogan is "a place of refuge for moms with young kids". I mean, seriously? Don't you just want to join right this second? A place a refuge... ahhh. At each table there is a discussion group leader and 2 "mentor moms", which, just as it sounds are Moms who have been down this road and can lend an ear, give advice, etc. We meet every other week and I just look forward to it more than I can express.
Yesterday, the message was on contentment. Despite the need we feel to compare ourselves to other girls/moms/wives/etc, that you and only you were created and called to be the mom/wife of your family. I was born to be the wife of Tyler's, so only I can do it so well as me. I was born to be the Mom to Jaxon and Cohen, only I can do it so well as me. Puts things into perspective huh? Pretty much eliminates the need to compare. Sure, there's things we can learn and gain from other women, but to think they're doing it better than me? A bunch of garbage. Comparison causes performance for the approval of man, rather than the approval of God. {John 12:43 -- "for they loved praise from men more than praise from God."}
"Others may do a great work, but you have your part to do -- and no one in all God's heritage can do it so well as you can."
After the teaching was over and we started discussing at the table, each girl shared a little bit about what "hit home" with them the most. While most of them said that they struggle with comparison of "she dresses cuter/she's a better mom/she's skinnier/she has it all together" etc, {and I do too}, what I shared was different than that. My heart and my struggle is also with comparison, but a different type. I struggle with the comparison of the ease of other peoples lives ... "why is her life so much better and easier than mine?" -- "why are we drowning and struggling to survive financially while she gets to buy whatever she wants?" -- "why aren't her kids ever sick? why is her husbands job more secure than mine? why did we have to loose our beautiful house and live in this rental? why do they get to live so close to their family and we don't?" -- "why are we going through all of this and they aren't?"
I started bawling, and I mean bawling, when I shared my heart. I never have expressed those feelings to anyone verbally, so to get it off my chest was... well, freeing, to say the least. Immediately the girls jumped up out of their chairs and started praying for me. Speaking wisdom to me. Praying for me, offering me kleenex, telling me not to apologize for crying. One of the mentor moms took her hand to my chin, raised my head, and said "it's not going to be this way forever". {um, yeah, still crying....} They started praying for me and so many of them offered different pictures of what they felt like God was giving them to tell me. I won't share all of them because they are a little too personal for blog-land, but one of them that resignates with me so clearly is the process of making wine. How you take a grape, squeeeezzeeee it, and out comes juice. The juice eventually is turned into wine, and how that picture of how our life right now is being squeeeeezed... our hearts feel like they're being squeezed and our emotions are squeezed... and out of it, will come 'the juice'. How we will be rewarded for having endured hardship, and how God will turn this tough time into something so sweet, something so good.
Another girl told me she felt like God was telling her to tell me "stop wishing for this season to be over, and you'll find reward. don't keep hoping that this day will end, and you'll find reward."
Is that good, or is that good?
So good. So thankful for God using these women to speak to me. So thankful for his provision and for this season of our lives. It's hard, but we'll be rewarded. I am so confident of that.
I keep debating on posting this, because it's so deep and near to my heart, but I just pray it can touch someone and give someone hope that is also going through the "rough waters".
On a final note, because my sister once told me to never post anything without pictures.... ;) Here's a few for you.
See his alfalfa hair? :)
Such rare and sweet times when Jax wants to sit and snuggle...
See his hand through the hoop? He loves those fingers!
My 'lil dare devil... riding his Rody on the couch :)
Philippians 4:11
"Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content
with whatever I have."
