Frustration.

No matter how hard I've been trying to wash hands frequently, take our vitamins daily, disinfect every time I think of it..... my boys are sick again.

We went out of the house ONCE last week. Just ONCE! And the following morning Jaxon woke up with a really deep cough and snotty nose. 4 days later it has not gotten any better and he's now running a fever. So you know what that means, Cohen now has the same thing. Fever, deep cough, and congestion.

No matter how many times I hear that its not my fault, I can't help but wonder what I'm doing wrong. My heart just shatters when my babies are sick. I'm their Mom - I'm supposed to protect them. Our home is supposed to be a refuge. I am not supposed to be afraid of leaving the house. But I am.

Off to the doctor we go ... again. The hospital bills might bankrupt us by the end of the year if this continues the way it has the last few months.

Lord, seriously... what are you trying to teach me?

Sigh..... appreciate your prayers.

Brothers.

It's funny that I hear so often how much Cohen resembles Jaxon. On the other hand, I hear just as often how much they do NOT look alike. Personally, I don't see it. I think Cohen looks like a Carmichael and Jaxon looks identical to his Daddy... a Keith through and through.

Some comparison pictures...

Jaxon, fresh out of the womb:

Cohen, fresh out of the womb:

Jaxon at the hospital, just a day old:

Cohen at the hospital, just a day old:

Jaxon at 1 month old:

Cohen at 1 month old:

Jaxon at 2 months old:

Cohen at 2 months old:

I guess as I'm looking at these side by side I can see a little resemblance early on, in their first couple days of life. But especially the 2 month pictures, I don't think they look alike at all.

I guess my opinion may be swayed because I am comparing everything about them and know they are two very different babies... maybe that's why I don't see the resemblance.

What do you think?

Love.

Words are so important to me.

In fact, they're so important to me, that "words of affirmation" is my #1 love language. My second is "quality time". If you're not familiar with what I'm talking about here's a short break-down. Basically the simple principle is this: everyone feels loved a different way, and finding out how your spouse feels loved, will help you love them better. {that's a whole lotta 'love' for one sentence!} You can take the assessment here.

My husbands love language is "acts of service", second is "receiving gifts". Holy buckets -- completely opposite of me. So you can see where this can be a struggle at times... it does not come natural for him to tell me how beautiful I look or how great of a Mom I am, instead he'll do the dishes for me thinking that's how I'll feel his love. And I can sit and tell him how amazing of a husband he is and how hard of a worker he is, but unless his laundry is done and the house looks nice, he may not fully appreciate those words coming out of my mouth. Make any sense?

The problem with words being so important to me, is that I thrive on them. If someone sends me a text or email full of words of encouragement, you better believe that just made my day. If someone tells me that I look nice, it makes me feel confident in myself. If someone tells me I'm a great Mom, I stop doubting myself... for that day anyway. And the same goes if I don't hear it... if I just slaved for an hour in the kitchen making supper and Tyler doesn't rave about how great dinner was, I feel defeated. If I spend a lot of time trying to look nice for the day, and he doesn't say a word about it, I feel like it was a waste of time.

See the problem here?

I am not sure how to fix this. As corny as it may sound - I know that I need to find my joy, my contentment, my peace, and encouragement in Jesus. He alone is the reason that I live. He alone is the reason I move and breathe. And in him, I will find peace in this too-often discontent heart of mine.

Anyone else struggle with these kinds of feelings? I feel like every day is a battle sometimes.

And now, Lord, what am I waiting for? My hope is in You.

Psalm 39:7

The crib.

Cohen is 2 1/2 months old and he finally has a bed of his own.

I guess I was in a little bit of denial not wanting to take Jaxon's bedding off the crib. But one day I felt extra brave and did it. It's sorta like ripping off a band-aid. What made it easier was the thought of replacing it with Cohen's bedding.

It's cute, right?

But what's even cuter - is the baby inside.

{look how little he is in that big crib.... eeeeck!}

Tyler loves to sit him up, even though he obviously can't sit up on his own. These kinds of pictures are short-lived though, as he topples over. Seeing him sitting up makes him look so big, and I'm just not ready for that yet!

Just a moment later, his brother realizes that he's not the center of attention and has to be where his baby is. And when I say "has to" - this is what happens when you tell him "no Jax, this is the baby's bed. You can't get in there."

"Okay, okay, okay. Fine. You want to sit with your brother? Here ya go."

Pushover.

Cohen doesn't seem too excited about Mama's decision to give in, as Jax starts to destroy anything inside the crib.

But, good news... kisses make everything all better.

Seriously, if you're trying to get ahold of me and I don't answer - it's probably because I've died from cuteness overload.

These boys are too much for this mama's heart.

The big move.

I always admired people who cloth diapered. I remember looking into it while I was pregnant with Jaxon after hearing statistic after statistic about how much money you could save. I was about half sold on the idea... the saving money part sounded great, but seriously, what about the poop? I simply googled "cloth diapers" and about 1,888,000 results popped onto my screen. Holy overwhelmed. I literally "x'd" out of that screen faster than you could imagine. Shortly after, a lot of my blogger friends had babies and started cloth diapering. I remember their posts about the topic but skimmed over it... the terms they were using were a foreign language to me. All-in-one's... prefolds... pockets... yep, sounded like spanish to me at the time.

Fast forward about 2 years. A couple of my friends from small group mentioned to me that they cloth diapered, so the questions began. I was intrigued. Later that night I spent 3 hours researching the different brands and was really interested in doing it... all I had to do was sell my husband on the idea.

"Hey honey - I am really thinking we should start cloth diapering. Before you shut down and tell me how gross it is, just hear me out. We could save close to $2,000 just by switching and......"

"Sweet. When do we start?"

There's a lot of reasons that cloth diapers are better {for us} than disposables, but lets be honest. The money we're saving is one of the main reasons we're doing it. Even though the initial investment is hefty, they pay themselves off within 6-8 months. And if you consider that you will diaper each of your children for at least 2 years {typically longer with boys}... well, you do the math. The second reason is because my boys have super sensitive skin, and I fought diaper rash after diaper rash when Jaxon was a baby while using disposables. When Cohen was first born he had a bright red bottom every day while using disposables. Since switching to cloth? Zero rashes. Zero!

The extra loads of laundry are really no big deal either. It's an extra 2-3 loads of laundry a week, and if I'm already doing 700 loads of laundry a week anyway, what's a couple more?

These are just not your old-school cloth diapers anymore. No pins, no waterproof covers... it's not any harder than using a disposable. I know a lot of people will buy a bunch of different brands/types to figure out which they like best. Honestly, I didn't want the headache, and after talking to both Leah and Kristal and reading hundreds of positive reviews online, we decided to go with BumGenius 4.0 One Size diapers. "One size" meaning they will fit Cohen from infancy all the way up to 35 pounds. Which means, yep... they fit both Cohen and Jaxon. It also means I will never have to buy diapers again. Bingo!!!

I realize cloth diapers are not for everyone, but they are definitely for us! I also know it's super overwhelming when you look at all the different options, so if you have any questions about how/what we're using, definitely let me know!

One last thing.... I have to admit I love how flippin' cute the diapers are on their little tushes! Is that weird? :)